Wow... I have felt exactly like that very often lately, I have come so close to leaving SO a few times the past month. My biggest issue is that I feel my SO WANTS the chaos that BM brings into our lives, that makes me feel as though he chooses HER happiness over mine.

I'm thinking of getting counselling. But if you find a way through it, please be sure to come back and share the secret.

Good luck to you and ((hugz))

I think this way a lot too. I have bios with my DH so I feel trapped. I hate my SD19 so bad (used to love her like she was one of my own). I feel if I leave then I don't have the BS anymore from her or her BM. Then I think of my bio girls and how much they love their father and I. Then I think of how much DH loves me and would do anything for me and how much I love him in return. Its a horrible feeling when you feel so down. I know. I am at that point a lot lately.

All I can say is hang on and see if it gets better. Try to disengage from the people in his life that are causing all the BS. I have disengaged from SD19 because I cant stand who she has become and she is an adult. The feelings are mutual though, she wants DH and myself out of her life as well. I have no idea how old your Skids are but as much as you can, just focus on your kids when they are around.

Another thing that helps me when I am hurting really bad, snuggling up to my babies. That always seems to make it easier. They are the only reason I am still in this marriage after 12 years of dealing with BM and now SD19.

I sometimes wonder what SOs would think if they could read some of our posts.

savemysanity, I think that if your SO read your post, he should be moved to tears and, more importantly, moved to action.

I'm not suggesting you show him, this is your safe space, but just that you consider how he would react. Would he scream at you for airing your "dirty laundry?". Would he tell you "you're just exaggerating, it's not so bad"? Would he ignore the rest of the genuine feelings you have expressed and focus on the last line, telling you "you're not trapped at all you can fuck off any time you please"? Or would he hold you in his arms, tell you he was blind and stupid not to see all of this, beg you to be more open with him about your feelings and promise you that he will work WITH you to find solutions together?

x

This was one of the hardest and saddest posts I've ever read.

Everyone suffers when the chaos and drama refuses to stop and the children, unfortunately, suffer the worst of a broken home. There are times you need to do what is right for your children and yourself. If the drama/pain/chaos does NOT stop, then there needs to be an out for all of you. I know that you love him so much but it's not love when such pain is being dished out at the expense of all of you by your husband/SO. I know you cannot see your kids hurt like that again but what about now? What about what they're experiencing NOW with the pain and hurt? I would never want my children to ever experience that-kids are more in tune than we think they are.

They love their Daddy but the conversation between you and them needs to be with a counselor. If I were in your shoes, I would sit the children down and tell them the truth-that there is so much going on right now and the environment all of you are in is not good for any kind of stability for them and that is what they need. You, too, need to heal and not lay on the couch crying and being upset. Your children see this and they will hurt even worse later. They may not understand why you left the Daddy or not but you need to be deadpan honest with them about what is going on. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS!!! NO ONE!!!!

((((hugs and love)))) from the whole board

I'm sorry, sweetie. I must have not read that right.

They always say that when you marry your SO, you marry into the family. Part of me says, "yeah" and part of me says, "uh, no".

No one should have to deal with evil demons like the BM or in-laws or anyone that causes you pain. I had evil demons as in-laws in my first marriage to the point that they were mentally abusing me so bad I had to get a taxi home from a restaurant and it cost me over $100.00 to get home. My ex never stood up for me and that was a clue that I should've never married the mentally inept POS.

Remember, you know who you are. You are better than what they say you are and if the Skids want to come over, tell them no. You have the right to tell anyone NO..you have the right to tell people to SHUT UP...you have the right to tell people TO STOP LYING and that you're here to stay and if they don't like it, tough s**t. You have the right not to take their mess.

Remember how much you are loved by your kids and by us here on the board even if we are all strangers. We will not see you fall...because you will NOT fall!!!

You and your DH CAN and should remove any toxic people from your life.

People who bring pain to your life should not be tolerated no matter what the relationship. You have two issues 1) Your depression which can happen to anyone even when things are not bad 2) Whether your husband is willing to let go of having these people in your life.

If you really remove them you will not care what they are saying as you will never even acknowledge that they exist.

I have had those feelings many times since I have been married (married 6/30/13)...I know its pretty bad to be feeling like that so early into it but I do. I love my dh but I wish alot of times that I never married him and if I did, I wish I married him once the cs and skid visits ended. Now I am having to deal with the fact that we are out 920 a month because it goes to her, we live ck to ck, and having a brat in my house that I absolutely can't stand the sight and sound of and who is also a spy for bm! I could kick my own ass daily for being such a fucking idiot and getting involved with and marrying a man with such bs baggage! FML.

I definitely feel trapped now...

I hope everything works out for you and dh and you/dh can figure something out asap for the sake of your sanity! *hugs*