i would stand by DH the entire time to pizz them off. i would not look for their kids. i would give them the same look they give me. i would smile and laugh a whole hell of a lot and have the best time ever!

i would not be uncomfortable. i give them looks that would make THEM uncomfortable. and, should they decide to grace you with a comment, i would not respond...i'd just have the biggest, fakest, smile on my face and turn and walk away.

sorry, but it would be my turn to be in control of the relationship.

I have gone to stuff and had a great time even with snubs. It also made me feel good to go and not care.

At this point in my life I probably wouldn't go though. I just love the freedom of not having new drama. It would be my loss in a certain sense but it might be worth the freedom of not having new drama that threatens to stew in my thoughts.

Shortly after DH and I got married we went to visit his family, whom I had never met. SD and her friend went with us. I learned from his family that they had also experienced incidences of bad behavior from SD but they were really turned off by her rudeness to me. She has not been invited to their houses since.

Today, if I was invited to go to a family function where SD was present I would go and have a good time, and let SD show her true colors as she has in the past. Just because DH has a blind eye does not mean his family does.

Go, ignore the ill-mannered little boors and have a good time. You already know what they will do, just avoid them-no eye contact. If there are a lot of people, it won't be to hard to keep distance between you. Don't try to speak to the little kids. If they come to you, fine. If they get up in your face and act out, don't respond, just smile at them, shake your head sadly and walk away. Don't let them get to you and don't let them goad you into losing your temper. Either hang out with your husband or find a neutral person to sit with and visit or circulate. If anyone acts like an azz, let it clearly be them.

Can you take another car? If so, then you could slip away by yourself and go do something fun if it gets to be too stressful.

Good luck and have fun!

I so agree with forgotten wife.

For years my dh's sister and daughter did things like this to me. Went out of their way to ignore me at family get together's, little comments and put downs aimed at humiliating me, laugh it up together to rub in how excluded I was etc.. etc.. and just like forgotten wife mentioned - I took control of this situation. Now I don't bother to say hello to them, engage them in any discussions, or show an ounce of interest in them. AND, if they do something stupid like give me a dirty look, rather than letting it make me feel uncomfortable I would call them on it directly "is there a problem (dh's sister)?" just so she knows I'm not afraid of her, allowing myself to be bullied by her, or in any way going to take any crap from her

On the other hand, ya, laugh it up with the people there you do feel comfortable with. Have a great time and don't even look in your skid or dil's direction

I go to family events and pretty much feel like the outsider that I am. I used to rush and make lots of food for holiday parties at dh's family homes, until I was told this past year not to bring things because it interfered with their menus. This was done basically by dh's sister calling my dh to give me the message. Now their having a big get together this summer, but I am not offering to lift a finger. I will go there as a guest and be friendly, but that is all.

I usually won't go to the holidays. Too much for me. The looks, not eating my dish, everyone sitting in any other room besides the one I'm in.... It helps that I have steps on both sides. So by the time I'm done seeing "my" family there's no time left for his. This weekend is a birthday party for the grandson. It was assumed I am going and I always wonder how I'm going to deal with it. DH's sister, mother and daughter in law love to bring up his ex, they will discuss upcoming vacations with skids, what new thing she's bought or is doing. DH has a new grandbaby so last years discussion was how his ex helped so much with the last birth blah blah blah. The whole time I'm sitting there with my daughter(16) with no where to go, and certainly nothing to add to the conversation. They spent an hour talking about her new belly dancing hobby. How good she was, how thin she is, and how she could still model at 45 if she wanted too. Urrgghhh.......

I didn't throw a fit, I just told DH that it was time to go. It exhausts me emotionally to go to these things. I keep saying this is the last one....

I feel your pain. I keep saying this is the last straw too...

My (recently discovered) SD just got married and had DH walk her down the isle, although he just met her when she was 26. I didn't go to the wedding bc I disagreed with that situation, especially since she had a father (adoptive) who raised her.

Married 2 decades but discovered 4 skids my dh had prior to our marriage he didn't tell me about (or says he didn't know about) all from different women. So, now all these new skids are only interested in their father of the year dad (ha!) & not me.

I'm tired of putting up with skids who don't appreciate me. They never talk to me or ask me how I am.

I understand the emotional exhaustion from dealing with family gatherings. I don't want to be around people who don't want to be around me.