Court ruled step daughter to live with us, she wants to live with her mother and I want her to go as well.
Hi Everyone I need a little advice on the topic above. My stepdaughters mother wanted to move interstate, the courts ruled she was not to leave her current home town. The mother still decided the leave..... So by default we got her full time as she was not aloud to leave town. Now our stepdaughter wants to leave as well.....
She is miserable and so am I. She is 10 years old and I think keeping her somewhere she doesn't want to be is doing her more harm than letting her go and live with her mother. But my partner thinks he would be doing her an injustice letting her go.... His reasons for this are - His ex won't communicate with him and he thinks she will turn his daughter against him.....
BUT what is doing more harm, being somewhere you don't want to be or letting her go so she can be happy. She is 10 and surely won't let her mother turn her against him?? He is a good man, so I can't see that happening..... Please give me some advice!
Ummm your partner is
Ummm your partner is absolutely right that BM could and would turn his daughter against him. She may be miserable now but she is 10 and honestly what kind of mother does this? Find out what she is interested in and do some things with her. Let her Skype with her mom. She is ten and to her this is the worst thing in the world because she has no frame of reference. She has nothing greater to compare it to.
Thanks for the replies Her
Thanks for the replies
Her mother is making her feel bad for staying with us and telling her that it's not the court and her father that isn't allowing her to go and live with her.... This makes it really hard for us as she doesn't want to live with us and causes conflict with me and my 6 year old son. We also have 11 month old twin boys so I'm flat out with them, which makes it even harder as her father works 10 hour days and she would get much more time with her mother one on one than she does with her other bio parent. I don't know it's so confusing.... If her mother stayed in town, she would be living with her. So why not in another town?? Is it because she won't see as much of her father and then be turned against him?? Thanks again for chatting as I'm feeling lost and confused.
It's hard because I feel that
It's hard because I feel that my partner is doing exactly what she would do should my SD go and live with her. He limits her contact on the phone, she can go and stay the last week in the holidays ETC so I don't know who is doing the right thing by her. Anyway as you said the courts ruled she stay in town and be with both parents, but her mother chose to leave....
I just wish it was easier and my SD was happy here with us as her being unhappy makes me unhappy.
What 10yo has any clue what
What 10yo has any clue what makes them happy. Parents exist to provide boundaries, guidance, support and direction to 10yo children.
The facts:
1. BioMom abandoned the kid.
2. BioMom abandoned the kid.
3. BioMom abandoned the kid.
4. The court ruled that the kid stays with BioDad.
5. Did I mention that BioMom abandoned the kid?
10 is old enough to be introduced to the facts of the case in an age appropriate manner. So, introduce SD to the facts. Review the CO with her. Let her know that Dad wanted her and that BioMom made a different choice.
To begin the process of giving this little girl clarity and for her to begin to understand and be happy she must be introduced to the facts.
IMHO of course.
Thank you Rags and StepAside
Thank you Rags and StepAside you are both spot on! Rock and a hard place here !
We are hoping in time my SD will see that her mother did abandon her and it wasn't dad's fault. She may not see this until she is an adult and having children herself. Long hard road ahead. I need more strength
The court didn't just decide
The court didn't just decide to not let kiddo go with Mom - Dad had to contest her move. So HE wants his child to stay. And apparently you supported him through this fight. Were you just blowing smoke, figuring the judge would let her take the kid?
I'm thinking you get to decide if you can stay with him under those circumstances or not.
Stepaside this is so similar
Stepaside this is so similar to our situation. It's so sad that the biomum can get away with just up and leaving and then saying that is was just too difficult to stay in the same town. She left because of 'health reasons'..... arthritis and asthma I think...... so our SD thinks it's absolutely fine that she left.
Jumanji I wasn't in the scene when the court case was happening, so sadly I didn't get any say what so ever......