Not sure why this bothers me so.
Found out last night that BM bought SKID 24 a brand new car. 2 years ago skid got into an accident, hit another car while she was drunk. She ended up with 2 felonies out of this, one for blood alcohol level and 1 for dui accident. Anyway it cost BM and SO EACH about $35,000, this was for attorneys, fines, rehab, etc. She still owes $55,000 restitution that SO and Bm have been making payments on. This money does not include the cosmotology school she just graduated from that was one of the top schools and most expensive in our area. This skid has never seemed to have any remorse or appreciation for anything they have done for her. this skid just broke up with a BF of 1 year and she has been very depressed, I knew there would be some shopping trips for her by both SO and BM, this is their way of handling their children's depression, but never thought there would be a new car given to her.
SO bought the other skid 18+ a brand new car when she was a senior in HS. She is finishing up her first year of college, completly paid for by BM and SO and this skid has never worked a day in her life, and she has no plan of working during summer to save money or even have summer spending money.
Both of these skids have attended private schools all their lives. Obviously you can see that they are enabled brats.
My DD 32 on the other hand has had some difficulties along the way, her dad died 3 years ago, her BF of five years died when they were 24, and she just recently broke up with a guy 2 year relationship who had 2 little girls that she loved dearly. My daughter doesn't complain about anything always has a great sense of humor works very hard training to be a dog groomer. This is the first time she has ever lived alone and paying her entire rent which is not cheap in southern california. Anyway she is doing it, but barely has any money leftover for food. I have helped her when I could and she never asks for anything. she is driving my hand me down car which has 140,000 miles on it.
This whole car issue bothers me tremendously. It shouldn't I know. We keep our finances separately. I pay part of the rent, buy groceries and spend my money occasionally when we go out, so I do contribute to my living with SO. We moved in together 2 years ago.
These girls even had the nerve to say to SO when we moved in together that they had issues with me because they felt my lifestyle improved by living with him. Believe me I've taken care of myself since I was divorced 14 years ago with no problems and have helped my daughter out when I could.
Anyway...I'm not sure why this is bothering me so except these spoiled enabled skids have had their lives handed to them on a silver platter and neither one deserves it. They have no clue what life is really about or how hard it can be.
I keep saying to myself 'not my business'...'not my business'...but it's not helping.
Would appreciate some advice on trying to get a different attitude about this.
thanks.
I'd be pissed if my DH was
I'd be pissed if my DH was such a dumbass to pay for restitution for someone else's problem.
But our best couple friends right now though have paid over $250,000 (not a typo) on attorney fees for their son. They do not think he is guilty though. And put up a $2,500,000 million dollar bond. And no it's not murder. (our friends obviously have way more money than we do)
^^^I agree^^^
^^^I agree^^^
I can understand. DH and I
I can understand.
DH and I have a joint account where we both put the same funds in twice a month to cover joint expenses.
For the most part, I pay my way, he pays his, we each have 2 kids from our first marriages.
BM works, makes about as much as DH and I do - therefore she basically has a lot of spending money.
My XH is a financial disaster and provides nothing other than bare basics for my bios, and no CS.
So, from a financial standpoint, my bios are on the short end of the stick.
It makes it difficult knowing BM will shower the skids in things my kids can not have.
Skids are here 50%, bios are here 75% of the time.
On top, SD13 knows it and uses it often, BD13 will say, I am saving up for this pair of shoes - because I do give BD13 options to save up for things that I will not just buy outright for her, like a pair of brand name shoes - I allow her $30 for shoes, if she wants a pair more than that, she earns the difference. But BD13 is sort of dumb, she will show them to SD13 - then SD13 turns around, goes to BMs and what do you know, she walks in 24 hours later with BD13s shoes. Today its shoes, tomorrow its a car...
So it does sometimes make my heart heavy that I cannot provide for my bios things the skids will have handed to them, although in our household the belongings and treats are fairly equal, I cannot control the other side, and my XH provides nothing extra so sometimes its hard to feel like my kids are losing out - I just hope they become stronger from it all.
I guess that's all I can hope
I guess that's all I can hope for is that my daughter will end up being the stronger person in the end. In our case the BM doesn't make all that much money, my SO certainly makes more, but she lives with her BF and we don't think she has to contribute much if anything to their household. How the BM's BF puts up with this I don't know.
I just don't know what to say to my SO, he knows this is bothering me and I don't want to have an argument about it. He seems to want to discuss it, so I'm not sure what to say...admit it bothers me...or just keep quiet.
i only spent 1500 on my
i only spent 1500 on my oldest Biod first car and 3000 on my youngest biod car. When my youngest dd got married I spent 3000. DH gave me 600 towards the wedding. Both my daughters cars were over 10 yrs old and had alot of miles, but it was all I could afford. It took me a year to save the 2400 for the wedding, yes I work fulltime but I have bills too. I'm sure that ss will get my DH truck which is a 2012. SS gets everything new he has so many toys he doesn't miss them if they get put in the trash. He got a WII 2 years ago and never plays it and wouldn't misss it if it where gone. I just pray that because he lives full time with us that I can teach him to not be selfish and self center. Or think that everything should be given to him or that we owe him. I hate people with that atitude. Even if your DH knows thats how his daughters are. Its probably easier for him to shell out the money than to deal with their bs if he says no. Thats why most DH give in. Sense thats be going on so long I wouldn't say anything. It probably wouldn't help.
Your daughter will always be
Your daughter will always be grateful for what you have given her. One day his kids will be upset because they can't function and will be jealous of your daughter.
it bothers you probably
it bothers you probably because you realize that he allows his adult children to bleed him dry. his kids will always see you as a threat to "their" money. i'd recommend leaving this situation unless you can get him on board with drawing boundaries around his daughters or are ok with never being able to co-mingle your money and enjoying any fruits of his labors for the rest of your life. there's too many hands in his cookie jar and i'd be damned if i worked my a-- off and know i would never be able to count on my dh to help US out in our retirement. at the very least, don't consider marriage with this man until he gets himself and his kids in check and you and he agree totally on your marital financial assets.