Year 11 of my disengagement - so far so good. Nothing would persuade me to do it any differently, I have no regrets. Except for all the stress - which disengaging has not done away with completely.

Glad disengaging is working for you.

It's almost been a year for me disengaging from ysd. She doesn't live with us so it is a little easier. I had to contact her when dh was diagnosed with cancer. Found out she is pregnant. Smiled to myself because it has nothing to do with me.

I've not only disengaged from the SK's, I've disengaged from anything BM also.

My world is soooo much better!

Unless it is something that affects me or mine, DH just gets an eyebrow raise from me when he starts in.

Currently DH is in a "discussion" with BM about the child support -- apparently since the beginning of the year this state's CSEA isn't on the ball about posting payments to HER every Friday (sometimes they show up the following Monday or Tuesday) even though his employer is still faithfully deducting and posting his payments every single week. BM calls here screeching about how she's not getting HER money and he needs to do something about it. Of course DH asks me to look up the account online, tell him his password, find his Pin#, etc. Whatever... I don't pay it, it's not my problem and honestly shouldn't be his at this point in time -- it's not his issue, it's hers/CSEA's issues. But she says the people at the local office won't deal with her. Wonder why? She calls them by 10am every Friday to start demanding her money if it's not showing in her account.

Now I'm trying to coach my best friend thru the process, as she is in a relationship with a guy who's ex is "suddenly" crazy (wonder why??) and who's oldest kid is "suddenly" acting out.

He kids can run wild drink driving speeding his son has been unemployed for years one his daughter is rude and lies sends nude pics of her self dress wearing next to nothing runs away drinks and smokes and steals this has been going on for 3 years she will make up lies about me and rules the whole family with guilt trips her dad believes her and let's her get away with everything but if my son has along shower or leaves his clothes on the floor all he'll breaks lose .. My husband does mind at all if its his kids and will clean up there room .. He says his kids are only here fortnightly so it doesn't matter I find it hard to deal with

Hi all my sd has been trying split her dad and I up for years ever since he moved in with me it got worse when we got engaged her and her mother tried to stop the wedding I've tried to disengage from her but her mum will dump her on our door step and I have to run her to school etc she is 14 now she is two faced she lies to her dad and her believes her she faked her abduction when she was 9 makes up stories all the time but still my husband and his family believe her stories and I'm made out to be the bad one it seems she rules they family and they all try to keep her happy so she is very spoilt I'm so sick of the consist crap and dramas and my husband just turns on me each time Valium is my only hope I have anxiety now and have never felt so hurt and lost I don't want to end a second marriage and don't want to give her the satisfaction of wining !! I know I need to disengage but how when she will not leave us alone

It's been a very short period of time for me...a couple of weeks I guess. So far, so good. Of course, SD hasn't been around much. I believe she can sense a shift. It has lessened the arguments with DH, which was my main reason for disengaging. SD's report card came the other day. While normally I would express my opinion about how horrible it was and saying maybe she shouldn't participate in sports if she can't keep her grades up, this time I said nothing. It was a relief
On a side note, DH showed me some texts from BM the other day...she just can't understand why SD and I clash so much, because she thinks SD is such a sweet kid :sick: . Oh, and she's sure when DD is a teenager it will be better understood. I wanted to respond and tell her that the difference is that DD hasn't been raised an entitled brat and knows there are consequences for her actions. Yea, she might push my buttons like any other teenager, but it most certainly won't be ignored, overlooked and encouraged.

TBH, disengaging was the best thing that could ever happen to me and my husband! We are soo much happier in our marriage and lives. I started disengaging last year in November and my DH this March after he had found out the oldest was trash talking him and telling mutual friends daughter that we have abandoned her and all sorts of terrible things because we don't provide her with a lavished "Paris Hilton" lifestyle she thinks she so deserves! (Insert massive eye roll here!) it was the last straw for him. They won't answer any phone calls or texts nor call us back, yet we have "abandoned" them. So we both just stopped trying and chasing. Nothing we do will ever change us from being "the bad guys" and I think we just both said screw it! Whatever! (No amount of good deeds changes this anyways!).

It's not easy, took me 3yrs to finally do without feeling guilty! But now that we are at this point, so glad we did! Our marriage is stronger than ever, we are planning a big vacay which we never could in the past cuz we kept trying to include the girls who were never to stable enough for us to relay on to buy airline tickets for (they kept flaking out on us!). We are basically living for us and what we want for us. And couldn't be happier!

Do yourself a favor and get the monkey off your back! For a step-parent, this is a small sentence with soo much power! "Not my problem!" GL everyone!

Disengaging for me so far is going good, seems to get a little easier with each passing day. It's been about a month!

I think, I am doing this right now. Two weeks on after a very spoilt brat episode when we all went clothes shopping. theSS 15 was such a brat when I was spending a couple hundred £ on clothing. Happy enough to send pics to his father though, but wouldnt try on stuff to us.

Easy come easy go is the attitude they both have - SD13 + SS 15

I feel i have now switched off - esp since my partner and I had words about his bratty behviour. she decided to bring up other times I have been displeased about his behavior, so I have just thought it is best if i just back off - and not have any opinions at all. Theyre for the parents to work through after all.

i hope this works : /