Out of it
I finally left the home two days ago - i've posted here before about SD18 and took the advice to disengage - problem is i'm too soft and it always ends up back to me doing everything.
A few examples i pick her up from her grandmothers ask her to sit in the back of the car as SS10 has just finished football and has spread grass in the front of a brand new car and i would rather he stays in the front to keep the grass in one place (unreasonable?) her reaction......to tell us to go f*ck ourselves she's f*cking walking home (she hates SS10, apparently he gets more than her, and everyone treats him better) .....which i left her do, i get home to BM (i am also female we are in a same sex relationship) who laughs and says "oh Well"
I take a week off work in the Easter to finish some large DIY jobs, as SS18 doesn't see why i should interupt her Sunday doing loud work in the house!!!....so i take a week off work to do it..obviously she's off from college so is also in the house...on a sunday (when BM is there) she will come in the kitchen step over tools etc to make food... during Easter hols i dodn't see her, she stayed in her room, then went on to tell BM that she hadn't eaten for days as i wouldn't allow her into the kitchen!!
I hit the roof due to the lies and disengage again only this time i tell BM that she will have to sort SS18's washing as i'm not doing it.
Two days ago i look on Twitter to find SS18 slagging me off "I hate my Mothers Woman, i hate that she lives here (it's BM's house, she won't go joint as it's for her kids and she doesn't see hwy i should get half - so effectivly i'm the lodger) and never wants to see me, the next tweet is "it's been 3 years and shes still here" i'm fuming show BM she laughs and spends the rest of the evedning ignoring it and creeping around me
I knew SD18 disn't like me - i don't try to buy her love (like BM's ex-girlfriend did) i don't slag BM off on Facebook inbox (like she did with BM's last girlfreind) and i also tell her when she out of order for the discusting way she speaks to BM and bullies SS10
I said she was a cheeky cow for not wanting me here but eating the food i cook and wearing the clothes i wash - i said i wasn't doing it for her anymore - huge row with BM tht i couldn't do that, as who was going to do her washing...er SD18?...BM said she didn't want SD18 to do her own washing as she had never had to (BM does no washing, no cooking, no ironing and never has her whole life!) so i say i'm not being treated like a mug anymore, BM rants that i have no idea whats it's like to be a parent (her fav line) and you can't just pick and choose what you do for them...i point out that as she keeps reminding me i'm not a parent! row escalted BM ends up throwing wine glasses at me and smashing them i pack and walk out....BM is now constanly texting sorry blah blah blah its been like this for three years...with no change despite endless promises...have i done the right thing?....will it ever change?
Yes you have done the right
Yes you have done the right thing and yes, it will change. It will change only for the better and only if you keep progressing on with your life.
As much as we may love someone, good people do not raise hell spawned ill behaved little crotch maggots. You are lucky to have gotten out of that situation reasonably unscathed. As much as you may love your recent X, she was never good enough for you. Her hell spawned unadulterated bitch of an 18yo daughter is proof enough of that. Quality people do not raise children who turn out like that. An 18yo who can't do their own laundry and who throws juvenile tantrums over her 10yo brother riding in the front seat? WTF! Your former partner is an abject failure as a parent to have created and tolerated the behavior of that far from viable young adult.
IMHO of course.
Take care of yourself and good luck.
I think you did the right
I think you did the right thing. I am to soft too & want to avoid the fight every 5 mins so I think it's great you stood up for yourself. She is in college for goodness sakes! You never know if things are going to change but I would defiantly have a talk with BM to tell her your not going to tolerate SD treating you like crap all the time. Since you already made a bold move you should make the most of it! SD is 18 & treats you like crap so quit trying to do nice things like give car rides. If she feels like she can't eat because you are working so be it. She shoulda like she is trying to break you & BM up and so far she is getting her way. If you are still in love with BM have a put your foot down talk & go back but don't do shit for SD! Don't even acknowledge she exists. If she asks you a question just say go ask your mom. There will be some point in time when she needs your help & realize she has been to nasty to you. Don't let an 18yr old ruin your love life. Good luck!
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Thank you for your support -
Thank you for your support - i know i'm doing the right thing and the i've heard all the promises before and nothings changed. Good point she is saying sorry but not saying sorry for anything in particular makes me wonder if she knows what she's sorry for - it's an easy word to say, doesn't mean you have to mean it.
SD18 is meant to be going to University in september (has zilch life skills, not my problem anymore) and haas said if i stayed she wouldn't come home on the holidays - of course thats fine but how long beofre BM resents me for it and i'm back here again.
SD18 wants to go to New York (we live in the UK) for her last birthday (18) present BM can't really afford it and isn't keen on flying - if BM takes SS10 to the cinema SD18 has a fit that she is being treated differently as SS10 has been to the cinema and she can't go to New York! what makes me laugh is how many 18year olds want to go on holiday with their mother - yet she has no friends (apart from her "best" friends on Twitter)
She's studying fashion photography in collage and mopes around saying she's going to fail as she hasn't got anyone to model for her - truth is she is so lazy she wont do anything about getting any models and is so obnoxious i'm suprised anyone wants to model for her - BM makes suggestions offers to get her friends daughters to model - SD18 yells in her face that they're all trash she doesn't want them to model - oh excuse me while i speed dial Naomi campbell for you - you stuck up little cow!
she doesn't want to eat the food we buy but won't tell us what she wants - we all ate dinner together poor SS10 cannot say a word as everything he wants to speak about is sh*t and he is an idiot!!
I know i'm better off out of it - i know deep down it'll never change - BM wanted me to carry on living there (as lodger) i pointed out that if anything ever happened to her my life would be in SD's hands - BM said oh she wouldn't see you on the street - like hell am i taking that chance
BM and BD spilt up well before i came on the scene but she constantly slags him off for treating SS10 different (it's no wonder he is a much more pleasant kid) and from when they talk she was fundamental in them splitting up. When i first met BM SD then 15 would constanly bring up BM ex's how many she had (lies) etc - i told BM i found it uncomfortable she told me to get over it!
Sorry for going on and on i just need to vent really - i can't believe i got sucked in and have been such a mug - i am truly exhusted by it - such a lot of things posted on here ring true about my life - i didn't go into the house throwing my weight about every decision made is the BM's and i go along with it - yet she says to BM she's hates how i came in and changed everything - i have changed nothing!! in fact she gets more time with BM as i looked after SS10 so they could spend time together - who does she think was looking after SS10 when they went to New York (BD can't have him as he's self employed and wont take the time off work) so she can suck it up as now there's no-one to look after him!
Woman! You ABSOLUTELY DID THE
Woman! You ABSOLUTELY DID THE RIGHT THING!! You saved yourself and showed that you respect and love yourself more. GOOD ON YA!!!!! It's always hard to leave a relationship you've committed to and someone you love but y'know what? thing's in that household will NEVER get better. EVER.
Your ex is only sorry that she's lost a slave.. a puppet and someone she has no respect for. She's taught her daughter the same thing and their treatment of you will worsen as time goes by. You have done the best thing you could do for you.
Now. Let her stalk you and let her hound you. Funny how the ones who've been doing all the mistreating and abusing are the ones to come running once you find your spine, huh? You stay strong and focus on yourself.
There is someone out there who will treat and cherish you the way you should be. Let them find you. Once they do and you realise the difference, you will be so damned glad you left.
There are times in ones life when we need to be very strong and this is one of them.
Seriously...good on you for
Seriously...good on you for getting out of there!! Even if you didn't have to deal with the SD, throwing things at you IS abuse! You shouldn't be treated like that by anyone! Of course she is texting you now that she is sorry, blah, blah, blah...her nanny just moved out! Yes, that is basically what you were to her...a nanny with benefits! You deserve so much more than that crap!