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Can a marriage survive if...

itzjustme's picture

Submitted by itzjustme on Fri, 03/29/2013 - 8:44am

Forums: 
Blended Family Issues

1. DH allowed skids to completely disrespect you (and at times himself)?
2. DH allowed his family to disrespect the family unit (such as not "accepting" or even "acknowledging" wife or wife's children?
3. DH ignores wife when she tells him she's afraid to stay alone with his son? (DH works night shift....son is mentally off his rocker...I have another post on here that explains all this.)

itzjustme's picture

Submitted by itzjustme on Fri, 03/29/2013 - 9:00am

What if DH has made a "miraculous" turnaround when you told him you were leaving? Would you trust in that???

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Fri, 03/29/2013 - 9:43am

No

itzjustme's picture

Submitted by itzjustme on Fri, 03/29/2013 - 9:59am

And if you've lost respect for your husband because of the things above, can you ever get it back??

stepmomsoon's picture

Submitted by stepmomsoon on Wed, 04/24/2013 - 1:24pm

Living this hell as we speak. Not worth it.

I have tried for way to long to get DH to realize how blatantly disrespectful his kids are.. it's wasted words. He allows them to disrespect him constantly, so if he won't enforce it for his own damn good - why would he for yours?

There also comes a point where the kids are what they are.. you won't change such deeply ingrained bad habits..

JayS's picture

Submitted by JayS on Wed, 04/24/2013 - 5:58pm

stepmomsoon...you nailed it. I met my skids when they were 7 and 8...now they are 12 and 13, and you are correct...there comes a point where they are what they are. Children have the first five or six years, I think, to be "programmed" into who they will become. I know "programmed" doesn't sound that nice, but it really is in the way they are raised in those first years. My skids look at me like I speak some divine mystery when I tell them that it is a good idea to let the dog out or do some dishes...because mom catered to them so damn long and they never had to worry about lifting a finger. Mom felt guilty for leaving their dad and became a jellyfish. Now it truly is irreversable. And the resentment when the bio parent refuses to see the issues goes both ways...bio parent resents step parent for trying to alter the comfortable course, and step parent resents bio for the hell it creates every day in the home. I doubt my own marriage will make it...two people on the opposite side of the solution. It's nearly impossible. The best solution is prevention...if you meet someone and you think that the skids are more than you can handle, either hope that love is destined with this person or walk away. I have withdrawn from my skids. Perhaps when DW sees that I no longer get upset, that I am entirely dead to her children then she will (hopefully) wonder why I am just a ghost in this house and try to see why. I'm not perfect by a long stretch, but respect is respect, and there is none here.

stepmomsoon's picture

Submitted by stepmomsoon on Thu, 04/25/2013 - 7:32am

Sounds just like my situation.. ages and all - even the spineless jellyfish part.

My skids BM is horrible.. in every sense. My DH, is the king of inconsistent parenting.. when he does parent. One day the line in the sand is right here... then the next day it's 2 feet out.. the next day 10 feet in because he got pissed that they pushed the limits (or it goes more like this.. they push, talk back, argue,push, argue, push.. then he explodes, over reacts, goes off.. the kids fake cry and boo hoo "you are so mean".. then guilty daddy syndrome kicks in, he babys them and guess what..? No consequences for the shit they did to initiate this because he feels bad for yelling) - you just gave them a lesson in manipulation, you dumbass!!

They talk back and he freaking argues with them. "Get off the internet".. "No!".. "Yes".. "No, I will in a minute".. "No, I said now." "Hold on".. "No".. After the first "NO" I would have unplugged the wireless router.. but no, he argues with them like he is their sibling.. Again, he tought this behavior and look at it now..

It makes me sick.. There is no excuse for it. None. I don't know how a parent can sit back and think to themselves "oh, they are fine and will grow up to be great outstanding citizens with good jobs and a family".. Uh, noooo.. they will get fired because they are lazy and disrespect authority.. and good luck marrying them off.. they will be the proverbial son living in their parents basement. Or in prison.

I try to explain that these kids are in the red zone with regards to their overall view of how to treat people and how to act.. That hey, maybe they need to learn respect, consideration, responsibility, appreciation so that they can grow up to be men, not punk asses.. Nah, I'm a controlling bitch and there is nothing wrong with them - they are just boys..

What the eff ever.. I had nephews. I have been around boys and let me tell you, not all boys are entitled little assholes..

Make excuses bio parents.. make them all day long.. coddle, defend and teach your kids that anyone that dares to reprimand them is evil and bad.. see how that one bites you in the ass a decade from now.