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If I you could give your DH a Polygraph

BluegrassBelle's picture

Submitted by BluegrassBelle on Wed, 04/17/2013 - 11:04pm

Forums: 
General Discussion

...What would you ask?

I'll start:

Did you have trouble setting boundaries with BM in the beginning because you still had romantic feelings for her?

Even though things have gotten much better I still wonder why he gave into her so much in the beginning of our relationship. I know I had the opposite reaction to my ex. Boundaries came naturally to me. Sometimes it still crosses my mind... What was he thinking? What was really going on? Sound a little insecure? Maybe, but it still crosses my mind every now and then

Anyone else?

cast19's picture

Submitted by cast19 on Wed, 04/17/2013 - 11:26pm

Is the reason why you chose to get a vasectomy is because you thought bm is the only person who is "good enough" to have your children?

I cant have kids of my own anyways, but she is far from perfect!

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 1:46am

I would not bother with the polygraph. I am a man and IMHO most men make decisions to reduce their own pain and reduce the tension and move on as quickly as possible during a divorce.

Few men look at the short and long term consequences of the decisions they make when a marriage or long term relationship is ending. Get it over with now and move on. That is the focus.

I seriously doubt any man feels that his XW is the only one worthy of bearing his children. Or even that the thought enters his mind while he is still married and happy that "this woman is the only one that will ever bear my children". Men get vasectomies because they are done having children regardless who the potential mothers are.

I do believe that there is some possiblility that everyone, men and women, still harbor some affection for their STBX in the early divorce stages or early post divorce stages. No one gets married to someone they detest and no one gets married thinking that they will divorce. With the exception of maybe the people who marry a sugar mama or sugar daddy.

All in my humble man's opinion of course.

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

Submitted by SanAntonioSoccerMom on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 10:36am

So did mine LOL...he knocked her up twice and didn't marry her til after second SS was born. It wasn't until youngest SS was almost one did they marry and then they were divorced within a year. SUPER SMART! Ugh.

notmyspawn's picture

Submitted by notmyspawn on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 7:27am

My husband's first wife was a mistake. He even told her that he didn't want to marry her but felt pressure from outside forces. A douchey thing to do, but it happens All. The. Time.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 8:01am

I married my XW with every intention of being married to her for the remainder of my life. That was until our wedding night. I met my dad the next AM for breakfast while XW was getting ready to head out on our honemoon. He asked how married live was going, i told him it would not last.

My XW went batshit crazy on our wedding night and never returned to any semblance of normalcy our entire 2.5 year marriage. The best gift she ever gave me was filing for divorce.... and a killer recipe for queso..... and an awsome pair of elephant skin cowbow boots. But that is it.

So, though I did not marry with the intention of divorcing, less than 10 hours following the reception I know that marriage was doomed.

Fortunately my amazing bride and I will celebrate our 19th anniversary in a few months. I have lived two different marriages that with night and day differences between them.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 8:03am

Okay ladies. Let me revise my comment. Not many people get married with the intention of divorcing. As usual all inclusive comments are never accurate.

My appologies. Wink

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

Submitted by SanAntonioSoccerMom on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 10:34am

Well said Rags. I never felt the need to ask my husband anything like that and have no need for a polygraph. The only emotion my husband felt towards BM was anger and hatred. I was almost afraid he'd kill her, there were some hostilities and bad situations early on.

B22S22's picture

Submitted by B22S22 on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 6:54am

I typically won't ask questions when I know I might not like the answer. Sometimes not being in the know is the best policy for me simply because if I DID know, it would eat me up. And probably start to destroy me.

sterlingsilver's picture

Submitted by sterlingsilver on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 9:20am

I have a couple questions I'd ask but sure as heck wouldn't want to hear the answers. Better sometimes to keep one's mouth shut. :jawdrop:

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 9:26am

No need for a polygraph with my DH. He can't lie to me. He tried hiding my birthday surprise from me once and I could easily (I mean, dead giveaway) see that he was lying about where we were going that day.

He's the most honest, genuine person I've ever met and after meeting his dad and granddad, I see it runs in his family. His brother; however, not so much. He's from a different dad and he can sell ice to eskimos, that's how skilled of a liar he is.

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 9:26am

1. When did you really decide it was over between you and BM?

2. Do you have a "Plan B" in case our marriage fails?

krazykaty's picture

Submitted by krazykaty on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 10:15am

I'd ask if he plans on raising our DD the same way he's raised SD8. I'd like to know now if I need to see a divorce attorney. Wink

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 10:45am

Was SS REALLY planned or are you too embarassed to admit that BM pulled one over on you and trapped you like she tried to do with 4 other men (4 pregnancies, 4 different men, 4 abortions when they still wouldn't stay with her). DH swears he was different and they "planned" SS. I just can't believe ANYONE would PLAN to have a baby with this freak. Especially since I have witnessed her attempt to trap 2 different men with pregnancies since DH and I have been together. And know she did it twice BEFORE she and DH got together.

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 10:52am

My DH has already told me way more than I ever wanted to know.

No questions that I would ask. I'm a big believer in two things:

1) Don't ask questions that you don't want to know the answer to.

2) I don't need any "proof" or admissions of wrong doing. If I am not happy because of something I think is going on - that's enough. Wish I'd learned that at an earlier age. It's my happiness and well being that count - it's not a court of law where I have to "prove" someone guilty.

Starla's picture

Submitted by Starla on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 3:38pm

We both have made bad decisions in our past but my DH is an open book with me and when you add a little Jack Daniel's in the mix, he opens up to anyone wanting to listen... Guess I view it like I just lucked out by not having kids with my ex husband.

Have in the past wondered about my first husband back in the day and his view on women :O