Telling skids about our new baby.... Help. Please.
My husband and I have been together fo several years. We recently got married, and then.... pregnant on our honeymoon. It was a total shock to us, it's taken us weeks to adjust to the idea. We had not decided if we wanted to have our own children, considering the situation with his children and their mother. We did not think it would be fair to subject our own child to what we live with daily.
Long story short. The road has been unpleasant to say the least. His ex has done everything in her power to maintain control of my husband, make our lives hell, brainwash the kids, and when she doesn't get her way, she uses the kids as pawns. The kids..... well, they are typical stepkids, I don't know if I need to go into further explination lol.
Anyway, I will be 14 weeks on Friday, and am starting to show. We decided it's time to tell the kids. Im dreading this. His daughter is a drama queen, who thinks the world revolves around her, (teenager) and needs more attention than anyone I can think of. SS is, I think going to be ok with it. Their mother.... OMG, every time anything special happens in our life, she makes a point to cause some outrageous drama with the kids. I can only imagine what she is going to do with this one. She has already moved on with her life in the kid and hubby department, but seems to feel, my husband should live for and at the mercy of her and her kids..... Now, that he not only has a new wife, but will also have another child...... she is gonna flip out and go into "rescue and maintain all power" mode.
On top of all of this, I think DH is as sick of the kids, the behaviors, their mother... the whole situation even more than I am.
I came up with some ideas for telling the kids, maybe something special, or fun, etc. My DH basically said, "I don't really care, I am going to tell them, and how they react/deal is just what's gonna happen. I'm sick of revololving our lives around them and their mother and all the b.s. that comes with it."
I was so shocked, because, my DH has ALWAYS lived for his kids, and done everything in his power to keep their mom happy.... He is an amazing father who loves his children to no end.... For him to get to this point, I'm shocked.
Anyway, I need some advice on how to tell them, without giving them the power, or them feeling like we are answering to them.... and without damaging them too much. I do love them, and we have forged our own relationship, and I understand they are children, most of their behavior is not their fault.
Any ideas, or thoughts? Thanks so much.
Congratulations! I had a
Congratulations! I had a honeymoon baby too
Enjoy your pregnancy and your baby. Don't allow yourself to get stressed because of Skids.
By all means pick your battles. Turn the other way sometimes, but when they cross the line do not hesitate to correct them!
I agree with this, CW-all of
I agree with this, CW-all of it. Great advice
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Spam?????
Thanks for the advice... We
Thanks for the advice... We are so excited now. Everyone already knows, we've just kept it from the kids for fear of what drama and headache we would have to deal with. So, short of the kids, and their mom..... We have had EVERYONE celebrating with us. It does make it much easier to have so many who are happy. It makes us care much less about the ones whoaren't
I STILL don't want to tell em though lol, I'd rathe keep our lil happy bubble for now haha.
Great advice doormat no
Great advice doormat no more... His dad told us pretty much the same thing. Either be a part of it or don't. I'm so sorry for the drama u had to go through with your little ones announcement. Hopefully it's gotten better.
I'm in the same boat with a
I'm in the same boat with a (mostly) rotten SS13 and a psycho BM. We are the primary home that SS lives in. I have DD12, DS10 and DS9. I knew mine would be happy when we made the announcement and I knew SS would have a fit. DH was SURE that SS would be SO HAPPY to have a sister.
Who do you think was right?
When we told the kids, my kids were so happy and smiling and asking questions. SS said that the new baby was not his blood and that he wouldn't love "it" and that it's not his sister.
Oh Joy!
SS didn't want to tell BM. Wonder why? When BM finally saw me in court and could see that I was pregnant, during her next weekend visit with SS she told SS that DH would not love him once the baby got here.
Oh more joy!
Stepoffalready- Lol, hmmmm,
Stepoffalready- Lol, hmmmm, maybe bm is right LOL. I know kids are kids.... But it gets old. I'm sorry for what ur going through =\
I have already told my daughter. She is the best secret keeper, and has a hard time dealing with skids because of their behavior
My daughter was also thrilled!!! Every time we go into a store that has baby stuff, she starts asking if we can buy things for "our" baby. Too cute!
I am a bio mom, and have NEVER treated my ex or his new wife the way some of these bio moms do. There are two types of bio moms as far as I'm concerned.... The ones stepmoms ARE, and the ones stepmoms DEAL with.
These chicks are nuts!!! I'm SURE if ur SS's bm was pregnant the two of u would never say such a horrible thing to him.
I have decided, this baby will NOT be raised to think they are the center of the universe, or that it's parents are here to serve him/her. My daughter has manners, is respectful, cleans up after herself, has straight A's in school, etc.... His kids, besides saying they aren't monsters.... I can't say anything special or extraordinary about them. They have bad grades and even worse mouths, self centered, and seem to think they NOT the adults are in charge.
How about ur daughters, what are they like compared to SS?
I have DD12, DS10 and DS9.
I have DD12, DS10 and DS9. DD is absolutely thrilled, calls her sister by name, talks about what she thinks she'll look like and touches my belly all the time. DS10 doesn't really care - which is 100% in line with his personality. DS9 is happy that he gets a chance to be the big brother and will try to feel her move. He was a little worried in the beginning and let me know he was sad that he wouldn't be my baby any more, but I assured him that he will always be my baby boy and no one could ever take his place. And that was the end of that.
The rest of DH's family laid into SS for saying that kind of stuff about his stb sister and he's eased up a bit with the haterism. I'm not saying he's excited, but he's come to terms with it.
And yes. As a mother, I would NEVER tell one of my children - or any child - that his father will no longer love them. My job is to build these kids up and help them deal with the challenges of life. Not to confirm their worst fears. But yes. Our BM is a whacko. She has been absent from her son's life for 7 years and decided to come back in the picture when she realized i was now a part of DH's and SS's life for good. She is constantlly trying to position herself as the 'better" parent: more loving, spends more time, and on and on. Meanwhile, she tries to talk her son out of playing every sport because she doesn't want to drive him on her EOWE visits, she doesn't attend school conferences or any events, has never even attended one of his sporting events, but she's a GREAT parent. (Sorry that was a mini rant).
Best of luck with your family and the new baby!
Awe, well it's wonderful at
Awe, well it's wonderful at least we can share with our own children!!! And maybe your SS's initial reaction was out of fear, especially after what his bm saidto him. Hopefully, he will warm up to the lil lady as your other little ones have!!!
"Those" women sure seem to act out of jealousy, the bm I deal with sucked too.... until she got jealous, now it's everything in her to SEEM like a wonderful mommy. I say, great, less work for me! And, it IS their job, not ours. It's too bad though she doesn't want him join in sports etc...... she should get off her lazy butt, and honestly, I know it sux for you and SS, but the less she is around the better. Ours tries to keep her nose and her a$$ in our faces every little reason she can find..... We've pretty much given up on parenting (we share 50/50), as far as anything she is involved with because she just uses my hubby as her sounding board, and then does whatever she wants anyway. Soo, to avoid the fight, we just let her screw em up and do as much damage control as possible.
Skids are returning tonight, and we are going to share our wonderful news..... So, I'm working as late as possible LOL. I know we have to do it.I guess I could look at is as an opportunity to get even? LOLOLOLOL. But, that's not my style. I do want them to be happy with us, but I know what's coming..... oh well.
Thanks again, even just being able to chit chat n laugh abit with others who understand, really really helps. Wish me luck.
yes. Good luck! And
yes. Good luck!
And hopefully, you'll have a nice story to share with us after you tell the skids.
fingers crossed.
It seems to be going good, so
It seems to be going good, so far. SS(6) is obsessed with my belly lol
Thank I for the good luck
Thank I for the good luck wishes
It did not go as bad as it could have. SS pretty much did cartwheels all over the living room (or his version of cart wheels lol). SD was pretty much exactly how I thought she would be, "ur ruining my life, how could u do this to me" blah blah blah. BUT, by bed time, she was asking questions, like, "do u think its a boy or girl, have u thought if names?" Just a couple times. And, thank GOD, she didn't pull her fav attention getting practice.... Making herself PUKE all over, thanks I'm sure to my threats of making her clean it up if it happened again, like I made her do this morning when she puked on DH in bed, trying to get out of school. Lol
I know this is the tip of the iceberg, and we are in for a long road.
I'm so glad my friend referred me here.
Tank u again for ur help and support!