Dread SKIDS being around new baby. Justified?
DH says, "I want you to be happy about this baby (I'm pregnant), you don't seem happy."
The further along in the pregnancy I get, the more I am worried about what this will be like. I'm pretty analytical, and have a tendency to look at facts, the way things are, I don't trick myself into believing they will be different.
Telling the kids about the baby went ok, SS6 was happy at first, SD, threw a fit but seemed to warm up. Now their jealousy etc is starting to show. Also, I have been watching more closely the way they are even with our animals... Our animals hide the minute they hear SKIDS walk up to the door. I have been thinking about their behaviors, the amount of work and attention they require, how despite our efforts, the SKIDS don't ever become more well behaved.
I'm worried how they are going to treat new baby when we aren't looking, how their behavior might get even more out of control, how exhausting they are, how will we ever have any time or attention to devote to this child???? How, I don't really want them near our baby, let alone influencing the child.
Nothing can be done without simply keeping baby with me at all times, and making sure they stay as far away as possible. I'm sure DH wants them to be a part of this, but he isn't dumb. He will understand why I keep the baby separate. I wish things were different, but they aren't...
I think this is the right
I think this is the right time to start adjusting the kids to the expanding family.
When my ex and I were married my DDthen-9 threw an absolute hussy fit when we told them we were having our 4th child. She demanded why? 3 is enough and she did not want a new brother or sister. Considering she was the Golden Child and has always been very nice and well behaved and will have on her tombstone "I was the Good One" ... Then-DH and I were horrified. But things panned out just fine although we made sure the world did not revolve around babies and she and her siblings were not about to become slaves to a screaming infant.
DH needs to make it clear the dynamics will change. But he will still be there for them and be able to take them out and about. Their behaviour can be changed. They are young and mold able. It takes time and repetition and consistency but you can do it. Although 90% of this training will land on DH as it should.
We are trying hard to get
We are trying hard to get them involved, even asked them if they would like to come to the next ultrasound!!! I hope it helps. And thank u for sharing your story, it really helped.
How old are the skids? I'll
How old are the skids?
I'll tell you, jealousy over a new sibling is pretty normal. Hence, the term "sibling rivalry."
If you don't want to exacerbate that jealousy, start including them. Include them in some of the planning, shopping, decorating, show the ultrasound video, etc. But don't forget about them. They will need additional encouragement and reassurance of their security within the family. They don't get to live with their father all the time, and this new baby will. It's natural to feel rather displaced.
Include them. Even, gasp, spoil them a little. Have dad spend lots of time with them, and the WORST thing you could do is to keep your baby completely away from them,
Trust me on this...it will be so much better for everyone if you're understanding and gracious now.
I did think about how they
I did think about how they will feel, having the new baby live with dad all the time. I know that feeling can't be good, and it will be natural to feel a bit jealous. I also know sibling rivalry is normal, but in my own way, I just want to protect my child from over the top behaviors from skids. I don't want the baby hurt etc, and already being a step parent, and having delt with all of those feelings, I don't want my child to have to live with the constant attacks and damage that can be caused in these situations.
We do our best to be fair with skids, but, they are already spoiled, and I fear spoiling them more will add to our problems. The imbalance of power the skids feel they are entitled to is enough for us lol. We don't want them to think their fits and jealousy are going to get them rewarded and spoiled and put in charge either.
I love how BM used the phrase
I love how BM used the phrase "another family" implying DH, skids, and HER.... No darling, he is divorced from you, he had two children, not another family.... He has ONE family, that is his CURRENT wife.... and the children!
I understand the son's acting out, and the cat hissing, our cat does the same, as well as growels u dee her breath every time SS walks by. Makes me laugh. Only cause he's never really hurt her.... Just freaks her out. I don't think I will leave either child alone with the baby just to be safe, and to ensure no issues are given the chance to arise.
Does DH discipline SS? Sounds like he needs a good crack on the butt. It works for us. My SS is also out of control at times.
I do t think SD is going to want anything to do with the baby which is fine. We all will be ok with this. And BM????? I'm sure she is sitting over at her house trying to figure out where she stored DH's sperm so she can one up me whenever DH and I decide to have a child. I'm also sure she feels the same. Skids were her control over DH, and now that he and I are having a child..... She is losing some of that control. Especially since DH is sick of her, and is married to me.....and has my back 100%. I do wonder what she's going to do with her psychotic self once her children are all grown, and there is not one reason for her contact.... and he and I are still raising our happy little family. Hmmm, hadn't thought of this till now. I needed that smile
Good luck with SS hopefully someone will get him in line. And enjoy the blessing of SD, I'm sure it makes u love her so much.