what to do....before I say I do....
Hello Everyone,
This is my first post and I am so glad to get everything out! First of all I am 29 with no children of my own. My boyfriend has two children, a 7 year old son and a 3 year old baby girl by two different women. We have been living together for 2 years and he has full custody of his son. The mother DOES NOTHING for the son at all. She doesnt call to check on him or help with anything in his life. I am playing the mom in his life and I am not even married to his dad yet!!! I have NEVER heard a "Thank you for all you do" or anything like that. Whenever there is something that the son needs, I am the go to person for it. I am the cook, the cleaner, the washer, the driver, the nurse, the baby sitter, the tutor, the EVERYTHING. When I first got in his life, he didnt know his numbers or ABCs and I have be helping him to realize how smart he really is. With us getting married, I want his mother on child support!! I feel like she should have to do something for her child. AS of today, she hasnt talked to her son in almost a year. Whenever my boyfriend calls or texts her, there is ALWAYS an excuse. But, when you look on her facebook page she is always going out and doing things. She makes me so sick to my stomach. I fell drained being a "mother" without the appreciation I think I deserve. Now the other child's mom is just money hungry, He pays cloase to 700 a month in child support but every week she needs more money and she has a HUSBAND. Thats a whole diffent blog.... but right now, Im not sure if I want to be a step mother. Im not sure if I want to marry this man. But he is a great man and he is an awesome dad. Should I ask for more appreciation? Im just not sure what to do to .....before (or if) I say..."I Do!"
I like your title, witty
I like your title, witty "what to do before I say I do".
Only you have the answer as to what you can tolerate in a situation like this.
You should be proud of the fact that your taking on someone else's maternal role nad are helping his son to be successful in his future education.
However, my advice to people with no baggage(so to speak) is to not get involved with someone that has kids unless you yourself do(i say this only if the BM is really intrusive, its not worth your sanity).
And more than one BM, that is my limit.
Mind you im more old fashioned in certain ways.
Your young enough to start over with someone new. The heart wants what the heart wants I get it, but remember you may be BM #3, one day.
Best of Luck!
hi and welcome to the club
hi and welcome to the club but i truly hope you look at the question you asked and dont get stuck in this club long its not fun
you are young and have no kids and you sound like you really want to be a mom and a good one based on how you are really trying to take care of your BF child
in your very last line you say this man is an awesome dad but the rest of the post you say how you have done everything including teaching the ABC's and you say the mother has done nothing but it sounds as if the father has not done much himself either??
really think about the question you already asked what should should you do before you say i do? do not be the maid and the baby sitter expecially when you don't even get a thank you.... please dont get taken advantage of and do think before you say 'I DO"
Run NOW.........take if from
Run NOW.........take if from someone that has walked in your shoes. It will NOT get better. As the kids get older it will get only WORSE and your relationship between you and your man will suffer. You will NEVER win against his children. Trust me. I KNOW.
"in your very last line you
"in your very last line you say this man is an awesome dad but the rest of the post you say how you have done everything including teaching the ABC's and you say the mother has done nothing but it sounds as if the father has not done much himself either??"
^^^^Good point^^^^
BF has full custody of his son, but it wasn't until you came into the picture that he learned his numbers and ABC's. So what was daddy doing all this time if he had full custody?
You are building resentment towards the BM, when the person you should be getting angry at is your BF. HE is the one with full custody. HE is the one that should be the cook, the cleaner, the washer, the driver, the nurse, the baby sitter, the tutor, the EVERYTHING for this boy.
Sorry, an "awesome" dad does not let his wife do his parenting for him.
BEFORE you get married, you need to step back and let BF parent his son. And if that does not work, then that tells you that the marriage will not work.
Im not sure if I want to be a
Im not sure if I want to be a step mother. Im not sure if I want to marry this man
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^^^There's your answer right there honey. Don't do it. Please. You have the opportunity to get out and be free of stepHell
^^THIS!!!^^
^^THIS!!!^^
Honey, you will NEVER get
Honey, you will NEVER get appreciation from BM.
Welcome to step hell.
If I was 29 with no kids, I
If I was 29 with no kids, I wouldnt be with a man with kids but thats a whole nother subject lol. I would run run run. I am a BM and I know my ex, he still is the same person to this day, he has been with his girlfriend for years and the ONLY reason he's with her is because she does what she wants him to do and she does everything for my bio. I have primary custody of my DS but the times he has DS, he passes everything off to her.
IF you choose to stay, the most stupid thing you could do, is have a woman who has nothing to do with her kid pay child support. She pays child support, she will want visitation and I think that would prolly be the worst thing you could do to that kid. Ive seen horrible mothers and what they can do. Its not fair to the child to have a woman who doesnt want to raise him, kids can feel it. IF the kid lives with dad, and mom is not in the picture then you wouldnt have to be SM you could be mom, but thats a decision you have to make.
What to do before you say I
What to do before you say I do? RUN, very quickly.