My fiance and I have been together for 5 yrs. and I feel it has been a long battle for me. We've been engaged for two years but due to the stress and non acceptance, I can't find it in me to tie the knot. Okay..this is not a simple ordinary family, that I came into. My fiances parents took in his first wife when they got pregnant at teenagers,because she was an orphan teen, and ever since then, his first wife has been their Daughter!!They include her and her new family in all our family gatherings-holidays..whether were there or not, they even take in his first ex wife and her new husbands child(9yr old girl)as their own-real grandchild..in some cases over my daughter which is supposed to be the new step-grand baby, they don't realize they give separate treatment.Just an example of the UN-sighted treatment by his parents was at my daughter's 10yr old b.day party just a month ago..we invited my fiance's 9yr old(from his second marriage)and his ex wife's 9 yr old because due to grandma and grandpa's traditions the two girls have been together since birth,like sister's..totally different families though, so grandma came to our house to my daughter's b.day party and within minutes the two girls (my fiance's 9yr old and ex-wives 9yr old)cuddled up in grandma's lap, with excessive attention right in front of my 10 yr old daughter for so long, that when asked of them to go play they refused to get off grandma, during the party while my daughter the supposedly new step granddaughter just sits there..watching, no offer for love or cuddles or anything..this was at my 10yr old's b.day party..why did this treatment happen?? Okay so know you have an idea of the start of the stress, but I also want to express how loving and special my fiances parents are,but I believe there should be a fine line of boundaries between where my fiances ex wives and non grand-kids have a time and place and where my daughter and I come in...Which leads me to his second ex wife that he got married to when his first born was about 5 yrs old, which is where my fiances second child the 9yr old girl comes in.So know you see I am becoming a step-mom for two girls- 15yrs, and 9yrs...and there are two ex-wives to deal with. I have a child from my first marriage that is 10yrs, also a girl. My fiance and I have a 3yr old together...So all together...when we have them all, we have three girls and one boy. So here's the real problem for five years now I have tried everything to get his 15yr old to except me in the slightest way...a friend, caregiver.. I would supply money,clothes..everything(more than her own dad would)..and give the up-most respect, And actually I gave all these things to both his daughters. But all his 15yr old does is tell me and everyone...her first step-mom(my fiance's second wife)IS her step-mom. I have spoke with her about my feelings dozens of times, and that I respect their relationship and that it's okay if she wants to look at her that way as a mom or continue that route but also to know my place, that her dad and I are engaged and I will eventually be your step-mom and I would remind her that they are divorced, so technically she's not your step-mom anymore(Bear in mind his second ex wife is very vindictive and is still single- three years after divorce and returns their relationship items/pictures slowly,..holding on for a miracle, I think, and has tried and succeeded once(he went back to her for a month, in the beginning)to stir the pot with us..probably by using the 15yr old in more ways then one..But when the 15yr old gives in to his ex wife's game, my fiances ex wife is winning and knows she has already one, and that's the worst feeling for me) ...But I respect the 15yr old's wishes and feelings and I continuously tell her that..Since then she has sent me nasty cursing messages saying I will never be her step mom and the other woman will always be. My fiance thinks I am insecure and jealous about everything..that I am jealous of his parents relationship with his Ex's and his daughter's relationship with his Ex..and it's my problem..so I don't talk to him about it anymore..which makes me want to have a heart attack from the pain most of the time. She has taken me and her dad on and off over the years as FRIENDS on her Friends Facebook Page when through all the years she kept her first step mom as her step mom on her Family Facebook Page.I understand it's just social media but it really bothers me, with her knowing how I feel and she'll straight lie to me that we accidentally got erased as friends and then she will make a post for me to see that she knows will hurt me, I feel she has no respect for me..she has even put step-mom..I love you..poems to her alleged(my fiance's second ex wife)step-mom on Facebook for me to see, another thing is, is there are friends of her dad's on her page that have known him for a long time and knew him when he was with his second ex wife and know me..So when they see her listing his ex as her step-mom..what does that mean/ or say about me??.. There has been times when his 15yr old has coerced his 9yr old to start not liking me for things and has given her reasons to look for to not like me as well. There are times she'll brag about her "step-mom" just to get a rise out of me..and then she'll talk crap about her and say she doesn't like her just to trick me into saying something about her and anything I tell the 15yr old out of friendship about her first step-mom, she goes and tells her...I think the reason she's not letting go of her first step-mom is because my fiance's mom..won't let go of the 15yr old's mom..my fiance's first wife. It really hurts when your fiance's ex wives are at your family/holiday gatherings, and what's supposed to be your new family has two ex wives calling your fiances parents "mom and dad" and rubbing expensive gifts and things of that sort in our/my face..I feel like there are no boundaries..like this last Christmas his parents spent the day at his ex wives house and the day after at our house??On Facebook his mom calls his first ex-wife her daughter..but not me??She claims to me and the 15yr old, were all the same..she loves us all the same??I didn't know I was an ex too?? Then there's a twist..lately the 15yr old is getting ready for drivers ed and a sweet 16 and wants a car..Her mom wanted to work the arrangements out with me and not her dad..because I am better with agreeing and specifying dates?? So I agreed to work it out with the 15yr old and her mom and even though her dad didn't want to help at all..I made arrangements and agreed to pay half the drivers ed and give her my car on her sweet 16...Hmm is that nice or what..I know it's materialistic and I don't care about the money..but when is this teenager or someone around her going to explain the thoroughness of how much I try and care..After the arrangements with the car and monies is when I came across the knowledge that she's been tricking befriending me into saying things about my fiance's second ex wife then telling his ex wife everything I tell her about her, and the whole Facebook step-mom thing on her family page..and is not even friends with her dad or I on Facebook??My question is do I say something to her or not, that I feel betrayed?? Should I ask her why do you have her as your step-mom on Facebook, and not even friends with dad or I?? Or why am I paying and arranging all these things for her if she feels that my fiance's second ex wife is her step-mom..She is not respecting me, or accepting me still, after everything..I have even been letting her be a part in planning the wedding, as a bridesmaid..I am letting her pick out the dresses..or at least I was..I don't even really want her to be at or in the wedding, and I know that sounds immature and selfish?? but I just don't know what else to do anymore, I feel like I am going to die if I keep holding it in, not saying anything,or keep pretending like nothing is wrong when she's around me..Right now I feel like keeping her and any part of the hurtful drama of her...away..What I don't know won't hurt me right, but I also don't feel like I should bend over backwards for her, in the predicament I am in!!I am so tired of playing her, my fiance's mom and my fiances ex wife's games..I need to escape all this negative emotion, but how??Someone please help, on some leveled advice:-)Or just tell me I am crazy??