I committed the same mistake you have. Waiting a long time to meet the kids.

By now you have no doubt developed feelings for this man, so even if his kids are brats you will not want to break it off with him because you're so attached to the father.

Does it get better over time? No, it only gets worse.

Your BF has already said that his teenage daughter is going to be staying over at his house more in the future, meaning you'll get to see less of him. I'm not saying he shouldn't spend time with his kids, but he is already giving you a heads up that his time is going to be even more limited, which will only contribute to your feelings of being left out.

And while it's great that he gets along with his ex-wife, I would not feel very comfortable with him spending a lot of time with her, even if it is just "for the kids".

NO, it doesn't get better - it gets WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Trust me on this.

You're in your twenties but dating someone twice as old as you? Not that there's anything wrong with it, just that you're missing out on a valuable life experience. Dating people your own age with common goals and ambitions and NO EX WIVES OR CHILDREN may be better than the situation you're currently in.

I'm not judging you, at all, so please don't take it that way. All I can tell you is to go find yourself someone younger without all the baggage. Stepkids aren't to be taken lightly and had I known what I was getting into I would've approached it differently.

This guy is still on the rebound and its rare that such relationships last. Also this guy needs to raise his family. Its the rare parent who realizes that a new relationship can have a detrimental effect on their children. They seems to put their own needs and desires ahead of their kids.

Children are better off in a one parent home than with a step parent as a rule. Of course there are always exceptions but they are nowhere near the norm.

I.e. let this guy parent his kids without you being a room-mate. You can date, even stay over if the kids aren't around but as far as the kids are concerned they need their father. Step-parenting a teenage girl can be impossible and is often the worst thing to happen to a kid. Time and time again we hear about children who are dealing with the divorce but as soon as a step parent comes on the scene they go to pieces. Grades fall, they become unmanagemable and may turn to drugs to self-medicate. I don't have to tell you its a difficult time of life when things are normal.

Plus you'll likely find this guy really doesn't want more children. He may do it to shut you up but his heart will not be into raising a new set of kids. I'm guessing the youngest was a surprise baby as it is and enough is enough. He may not even know this himself but it'll come out when you come here complaining that your husband doesn't treat your child like he treats his old family. Look around you'll see them complaining right here at this forum. Often a second divorce is the answer and another kid is put into the whirlpool

When its all said and done what you need to do is tell this guy that moving in was a mistake and get yourself set up with your own place. Then as soon as its reasonable ease out of the relationship. I don't see any future here. Find a guy without kids.

He doesn't spend time with his children. he spends time with his first family - including his ex-spouse. He cancels plans with you to accommodate his children and his ex-spouse. Red flags EVERYWHERE.

Here is a peak at your future. He introduces you to his kids. They think maybe it is ok at first that he is dating, but the first time he can't agree to their mother's request for them to do something as a family without you, BM and both kids go bat shit crazy and you become the enemy. At that point, he disappoints you by cowtowing to their demands because "they're my kids and they come first". It isn't really about the kids, though. It is about their mother being in control of him for the rest of his life.

I am all for being cordial for the sake of the kids, but I would never date a man who still hangs out with his ex to show unity to the kids. They're divorced for a reason. If they're going to keep playing house, there is no point in divorce. It confuses kids. It sets any new relationship up for failure and it gives everyone involved a false sense of reality. In addition, it creates blurry boundaries that get more difficult to make clear as time goes on.

PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY!!! But I am a bit older then you. I will tell you that through experience, I have found that most men when they get into a new relationship will put everything to the side, because being with someone new, who in non-judgemental and doesn't know the real them (the living together, how he is at parenting, etc) will do anything to spend time with that new person. Also, the passion (yes that passion) always feels good and new.

Then real life happens. Unfortunately you are seeing that this particular man has more baggage to deal with in real life then someone who is your and doesn't have many responsibilities except to care for himself and to spend time building a new life with his new partner.

ONly you know if this will be worth it, but please ask yourself these questions...

1. Do you want kids of your own one day. Do you have any desire to build a family with someone who will be as thrilled about it as you are.

2. If you do decide to move forward, how will you feel if he is still chummy with his ex-wife lets say around the holidays. Can you imagine spending Christmas morning with his ex-wife and kids, or even just his kids.

3. Are you willing to give up every weekend to kids that are not yours.. Kids that may be resentful of their dad not giving them 100 percent attention.

It is hard because when you are older it is hard to find a guy without baggage when you are older. I could not or I should say would not do it when I was younger.

Hey, I am in the same situation as you.(Dating someone twice your age). Weve known eachother for almost 4 and have been dating for a year. Only difference I have a child.
Does it get better you ask?
I think it depends on the rationale of your BF and his ex.
Right now, the kids and his ex, dont know that you exist. Right now that is good.
However, once they find out you are dating. In my experience, the ex, will sudddenly(potentially) demand more money on top of the child support. This is her reaction, to him dating someone younger and moving on with his life (sometimes ex's want their exs to be miserable. (to a point i get this,as when my ex left me i didnt want him to be with anyone else, he was a cheater and left me with nothing, no vehicle etc).
You mention that they still demonstrate that they can work together, they go out together. Which I think is fine, if he were single. But now that he isnt, there is no need to pretend to be a family. What if he moves on or she moves on? Its disrespectful to the new partner not to mention, false hopes for the kids.
My SO goes on visits without me to see his kids, as I cant really stand the mom.
Especially, since she is a gold digger all of a sudden(after we start dating and had the audacity to assume i was).
What has worked for me, is knowing who she really was, Id explain to SO about what was going on, he didnt want to hear it, untill suddenly he saw the light. Finally!
I find ignoring them in general esp if your feeling resentful, doing your own plans, when he sees the kids works well!
You havent met them yet, so there is the possibility that your situation isnt as bad.
If you really love someone youll stick by them, "No Matter What".
If your having doubts a bout what you really want out of this. Then I'd leave. Your still young and you dont need the anxiety/stress from someone elses BS/Problems.
Sorry if this isnt coherent, im at work lol.
Anyways, to simplify, some things do get better, but the annoyance of the ex and his kids, is always there, so depending on their ages. It can get worse!
Good luck!

You both are in different places in your lives and that alone can be a huge problem. And if he didn't have kids then I would say fine but with kids in the mix. I say end it, He needs to be a dad 100% of the time. The longer you drag it out the more you will get hurt.

Get out now. I would throw an absolute FIT if my DH ever even SUGGESTED hanging out with his ex old lady!

Honey, think about this.....in 4 months you will have been with him for an entire year. Your entire relationship will be based on the way things work right now. It is your pattern. Don't be fooled into thinking anything at all will change when he "outs" you. By then he will have almost 4 years of a pattern set with his "first" family. They've set an expectation that they are still a family unit. And he's set an expectation with you that this is ok. Your pattern of the relationship is that he sees you when it doesn't interfere with the opportunity for him to see them. Trust me, he isn't going to suddenly say "Hey, kids, hey, BM, I have a new gf. We've been together for a year. And now I am going to start hanging out with the kids and HER instead of the kids and BM.". Not going to happen.

And on the off chance he does tell them that....you will be hated like you've never been hated in your life.

He's already told you that they come first. He's already made it clear that his worries for his son are more important than your relationship. He's already made it clear that time with his ex, as long as it is 'for the kids' takes priority over your relationship. He's already SHOWN you that when they're around he'll pretend you aren't important. Believe these things.

Life will be no fun when you're 30 and want your own kid with him and he doesn't want to upset his 19 year old daughter by having a new baby or when you do have a kid and he wants to spend Christmas morning with his ex and THEIR children because "that is how we've always done it".

To answer your question, NO IT DOES NOT EVER GET BETTER! I am in my late 20s and have been with DH for 3 years. He has a SD5. In the beginning, BM gave me so much hell that looking back, I can’t even believe I stuck around but I didn’t want to give her that power of getting rid of me so to speak. She did everything she could think of to try to break DH and I up. She physically attacked DH in front of his mother’s house when he had SD in his arms, she threatened to kill me and my dog, she said she would beat me so bad DH wouldn’t even recognize me, she threatened to take SD away from DH, etc. Anything she could think of.

BM may seem friendly now but trust me, once she realizes you have taken her place, she is going to see you as competition. She is going to be PISSED. She is going to be jealous. She is going to be CRAZY. Just warning you because I’ve been there. The BM who threatened to kill me was nice at first too. Now I will say, after BM realized she wasn’t going to get rid of me and DH and I were serious and were going to stay together, she did back down a little bit but she is by no means friendly and nice.

Also, it is completely inappropriate for your boyfriend to be hanging out with his ex, I don’t care if it’s “for the kids” or not. That’s not the way things work after you break up (ESPECIALLY when you are with someone else!). That is just disrespectful and I would be telling him about it if I were you. Another thing I want to tell you is that yes, you will always come second to the kids. That will never, ever change.

Have you met your boyfriend’s family yet? Because they are probably going to hate you, just a heads up. A lot of in-laws see the “new girl” as a homewrecker who broke up a family (even if that’s not what happened at all). My DH’s 2 sisters and mother regularly call me by BM’s name and talk about her constantly around me to make me uncomfortable. My DH wasn’t even married to BM and SD was not planned and they do that, so it may be even worse for you since your boyfriend was actually married to the woman.

I’m not trying to scare you! I just want you to understand how your life is going to be if you choose to stay in this relationship. I am fairly young with no children of my own and I wish I had listened when people told me to RUN!!

One more thing- do you want children of your own? This is something you MUST discuss with your boyfriend sooner rather than later because a lot of these dads do not want more children. He may even tell you he wants more children but then down the road you realize he is content with his “family.” Just some things to think about!

1. You are a secret.
2. He blows you off to spend time with others
3. He is still hanging out with the ex (maybe)

Honey - i am sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you are the side piece. Move on.

I agree with this - Does it get better over time? No, it only gets worse.

What kind of running (away) shoes would you like? I'll buy.