Nerves and Angst
I've been in Atlanta for 23 days. It feels like much longer. On the upside, I get to go home this week for the holiday, which is great because it's the only time I'll get to see SO between now at September 30th. These last 3 weeks have been borderline unbearable being away from him. The next few months will be horrible, I'm sure.
All that being said, I'm going home for a week. Which means I will be in the same house as Sociopaths 1 & 2. Luckily SO is off from work all week, so he will be there to keep distance between us. They won't mess with me while he's there. But still. I'm nervous about being in the same space for the first time in almost a month.
On the other hand, I'm filled with resolve. With my arrival home, these little shits will now know for certain that I am not gone for good. They will know that this is my home. My SO and I are planning activities to do with the younger two, and we will be having a grand old time. So these kids will know that our lives - and the life that SO and I have together - do not revolve around them. Their approval is neither necessary, nor sought.
I talk a good game. Let's see how I feel in a few days. I'm sure I'll be checking in here tomorrow. Today, I have a 12 hour drive to make...
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I used to think that I needed
I used to think that I needed their approval. That might be because my SO told me at the beginning of our relationship that if his kids ever had a problem with me that it would be over. Naively, I said I understood that and agreed.
BUT! He has changed his tune. He told me that he realized how unfair it was for him to say that to me (amongst other unreasonable things), and that it was unfair of him to have such unreasonable expectations of how his kids and I would interact. He wanted a nuclear family unit, and it's just not going to happen.
I don't need them to like me or approve of me. When it comes down to it, when they finally leave, they'll be gone for good and SO will still have lost them. That's just the kind of horrible people they are. When all is said and done, and the kids are gone, I'm the one that will still be here. SO knows that now. He knows that if I haven't left him yet, despite all of the shit that has happened in the last 2 years, that I'm here for the long haul. I'm just not going to let his two oldest walk all over me anymore. That ends now.
I'm actually alone here at
I'm actually alone here at work (7:30 on a Saturday) and reading this was somewhat uplifting. I have a pretty long work week ahead of me (one of the reasons why I am in today).
SS is coming back home tomorrow after being with his Dad for two weeks and I am somewhat dreading it because whenever he is with his Dad for such a long period of time, DW and I have to "undo" all the bad habits he has picked up from his Dad's.
Have a safe trip back home!
Thanks, Drac0! I'm hopeful
Thanks, Drac0! I'm hopeful for you that one of these times, you won't have to undo what was done at your SS's dad's house.
If the older two are that
If the older two are that bad, and it sounds like they are, would so consider getting them help, and maybe putting them in a center for troubled teens? Then folks in PA can worry a bit less that they, their pets or loved ones will be hurt or killed. Something needs to happen before these kids become Jeffrey Dahmers, BTKs or Jarred Harrells. Best of luck to you, you need it!
They're pretty bad. The
They're pretty bad. The oldest is 20, so he's too old for a center, and SO refuses to kick him out. The 16 year old has some pretty heavy mental issues going on. He was hospitalized for 10 days about 2 months after I moved in, and was on meds for ADHD and because he heard voices. Unfortunately, in PA (and maybe elsewhere?), at age 16, teens are in control of their medical treatment, including mental health. So he has managed to convince both his psychiatrist and his counselor that he is fine and doesn't need the meds for the voices. Also unfortunately, when he is not on them is when the issues really start in this house.
The 16 year old is the center of every problem here. My SO even agrees with me on that. But SO has this guilt thing from when he and BM1 divorced, and he's afraid that if he disciplines them he will lose them for good. And he would. I, personally, don't see that as a bad thing. But he does, so whatever.
I've explained a few times that there is a difference between kicking them out and saying, "this is how you treat people in this house - with respect. If you can't do that then you will have to find a new place to live." That gives them the choice to make the right decision. But SO doesn't completely see it that way.
Anyway, I've been home for 11 hours and my animals are still alive. I haven't seen the older two yet, and I'm hoping they decide to spend this entire week holed up in their rooms.