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No, SO it is NOT ok to discuss my hysterectomy with BM!

oncechoosetosmile's picture

Men can be such fools at times....After suffering fibroids for many years I have finally came to the conclusion that I should give in to my specialists opinion to have my uterus removed.I have three healthy children and I am 43 now.Both , SO and I don't want any more children and are happy and grateful for what we have.
However , to come to the decision to say yes to that operation was a long journey and I tried a lot of alternatives to get rid off those fibroids in the past, so I am still a bit emotional about this upcoming operation (although relieved).
Nevertheless I was shocked when SO told me today he told BM about my upcoming Hysterectomy and even talked about a random auntie who took a certain time to recover , blabla, etc.....What a great subject to discuss! It couldn't be more personal and he shares that with his ex and justified it later by saying he wanted to tell her to take his daughter one additional night in the week the operation is done.But why did he have to tell her what kind of operation I will have?????Not necessary.
Worst thing- when I told him that I feel very uncomfortable with him sharing such personal stuff with BM he apologised in a very snappy way and took it in a way as if I hurt his feelings saying that.Am I totallly wrong here???

B22S22's picture

No you are not wrong feeling how you do. That was personal information and BM didn't have the "need to know". I'm sure he felt the need to have to explain why he needed her to take his DD for an additional night (thinking it would solidify the deal) but all he should have said was the bare minimum, keeping the state of your uterus out of it.

My DH has done this too, shared what I considered personal information with the BM. I told him if he wanted to play BFF with her go ahead, but it better not EVER be at my expense. If it's not something I myself would share with her, then he is breaking My confidences with him by sharing it with her. NOT HER BUSINESS.

Orange County Ca's picture

Make absolutely sure they're not planning on removing the ovaries also. They used to do that routinely but its unnecessary and you lose your source of needed hormones. It's worth double checking.

Well he had to say something I suppose "female problems" OK?

Women take the brunt of stuff like this as it seems to be OK to calk about female organs and problems but if cancer of a testicle comes around its whispered. I even see "ova" in crossword puzzles but have yet to see "sperm".

To some degree its still a mans world in the west. My wife had the operation decades ago and was glad of it.

momof3vt's picture

You are not wrong at all! My DH did the same thing to me many years ago. I had some pre-cancerous cells that needed to removed and while it was outpatient, was going to have to lay low for a few days. All he had to say to BM was that he needed her to keep SD that weekend. If she insisted, he could have said I was having minor surgery and leave it at that. But no, he had to tell her everything. Really? Why?! I think men just don't think about stuff like that.

2Tired4Drama's picture

I concur. He has no business telling anyone your health status without your knowledge and permission. How would he like you telling YOUR ex when/if your SO has an impotence problem?! Smile

And I really can understand the snippy apology - mine does that every single time he is wrong (and he knows it) and I call him out on it. Drives me nuts.

smithsgirl's picture

lol!!

Krispey Kreme's picture

HAHAHA! Yes, by all means since apparently nothing is sacred and SO thinks BM needs to know about all your personal business. Ask SO to ask BM during their next inappropriate discussion if she knows anything about viagra or cialis. Do it with a straight face like you are really serious.

smithsgirl's picture

I'd be livid of that was me. It's bad enough when partner starts discussing my ailments in front of his kids, let alone BM!

lostinbrazil's picture

Totally not cool at all on his part. my FDH wanted to call BM and ask her about what was the name of a normal checkup at the gyno( its in a different language so I couldnt understand which one I was looking for) And i got PISSED. I told him he is NEVER to discuss my VAGINA with BM in ANY way shape or form, or any health issues of mine, or ANY personal info WHATSOEVER!!! None of her damn business!!!

Dawn-Moderator's picture

I had my hysterectomy almost 2 years ago for the same reason as you. I wish I would had done it sooner!!

My Dh didn't say anything to Bm about it. My Ss was 15 at the time and I'm not sure if he told Bm or not. Ss lives with us so I sat him down and told him what kind of surgery I was having.

My parent's stayed with Ss until Dh got home from the hospital the night of the surgery. Then the next day, Dh was supposed to come to the hospital but Ss got sick at school and Dh had to go pick him up so I was all alone. That kind of sucked but it wasn't Bm's day so there ya go.

Good luck with your surgery.

Una's picture

My Bf does the same, tells BM thinsg about me, that I would rather he didn't. It annoys me because, like you, I don't believe she needs to know, just like I don't want to know about her personal information, but he doesn't see what he is doing wrong, and his argument is that well BD will know so won't it go back to BM anyway?! I said to him that only of BD is told will she know, if he keepos his mouth shut, no-one will know. Men can be fools sometimes....

oldone's picture

I'd have to kill DH if he did that.

Tell him you are going to discuss any issues he has (make some up) with his boy parts with your exes. Or better yet tell him you are going to post it on FB. (I didn't say do it I said tell him you are going to do it).

At your age I'd have the ovaries out too as they will be shutting down anyway in just a few years. Especially if any family members have had breast cancer.

Of course I'd have to kill DH if he had that much of a conversation with pig BM on ANY subject.

oncechoosetosmile's picture

Thanks guys for your valued opinions, I agree with all of you.I actually brought up the example with discussing his private parts with my ex , but, imagine this, he said he would be ok with it!! Ridiculous, of course he wouldn't be ok with it, but it is easy to say for him knowing I wouldn't say anything to my ex like this.
What really pissed me off was him feeling all insulted about be saying I was not happy about him sharing that.All about him obviously.A GENUINE apology and some cuddles (and admitting he was a total idiot of course, hehe) would have been much more helpful as his luke warm "sorry" and him having a pout on HIS face.

bi's picture

you're not wrong at all, what he did was bullshit. i've already told fdh that if my pregnancy succeeds this time and people get pissed off about us not telling anyone, that he is NOT to go into detail about what i've been thru. he got shitty and said he will HAVE to tell them cuz he's "tired of hiding it". :jawdrop: excuse me, you f'g asshole???? it is my personal pain and business, they do not need details! a simple "history of miscarraige and not knowing how it would turn out" is explanation enough. they do not need all the gory details, and i will leave his ass if he puts it all out there for people who enjoy my pain.

Krispey Kreme's picture

Bi-I am praying that your pregnancy will succeed and wish I could kick your FDH's azz for being such a clod. Take it very easy, don't let anyone or anything stress you out.

Starla's picture

I feel offended when my DH talks about me (which is hardly ever but still...) with his ex. I'm happy with thinking the less she knows about me, the better for everyone. I don't think guys understand how women have a way of putting a spin on things. Women will spill their guts sometimes with strangers but don't anyone dare repeat the same story to the wrong woman.

I figure that DH and his ex have kids they should be talking about not me!!!

Now for your DH acting defensive in reply, did you jump him hard about this or is he that insensitive? I imagine that it felt like a slap in the face for you.

Good luck with your operation and healing, its truly amazing how much doctors can do these days. Too bad they charge so much!