Worst day of the break for me.... :(
Hello all -- it has been awhile since I posted. Needing to vent today, and I knew this was the right place to come! My BD15 just left to spend the rest of the holiday break with her dad. She and I are very close, and it is always hard on both of us when she has to go over there. Meanwhile, my DH is on his way to pick up SD12 to bring her over here for the remainder of the break. Neither of them can wait for her to get here.....I myself am miserable at the thought! My DH and I have been married almost 4 1/2 years, and I have NEVER been able to feel close with his daughter. This child has NO activities outside of school. When she comes over, all she does is eat, text and watch TV. She has a few friends, but they all live quite a distance from our house. My DH always ends up doing tons of driving if she manages to arrange a get-together with a friend. I have never felt close with her, but things got a lot worse a couple of months ago, when she stole something valuable from my BD! The item cost about $100. To make matters worse, my daughter had paid for most of it with her own money! When we first realized the item was missing, my DH and I each confronted her about it. She denied taking it for several days, then finally confessed. My DH and her BD agreed she should lose her phone for the rest of that week, but that was it. No other punishment!! So, I didn't feel close to her to begin with.....now, after that incident, I don't even trust her. Ugh! I have just finished hiding some of BD's things that I don't want to get stolen. So, I guess I am just needing to vent to others who might understand. Any tips for surviving the next two weeks with SD12?!? Thanks for reading....
Put a lock on your bd;s
Put a lock on your bd;s bedroom door and only you & her have keys to it. Your sd shouldn't have access to her room or her belongings.
It may sound stupid but force
It may sound stupid but force yourself to focus on something else related or not. Here is what I learned and I was doing this project for a completely different reason. Do you enjoy writing? I kept a notebook on hand and wrote down all events, attitudes, even my approaches towards my SD and her reaction. I did this then was giving her counselor the writing. Lets just say that there was not enough session time otherwise to share this and not take up my SD's time. SD relocated, seeing a different person now but if I need to be around her, I write everything I can think of on paper. It now ends up getting burned yet it also feels easier to let them emotions of that last visit out.
Burn it all }:)
I have that stealing problem
I have that stealing problem in my house too DH acts like it's no big deal.
Yep. I'm married to a "what's
Yep. I'm married to a "what's the bug deal" guy too. Strange how what my boys do IS a big deal to him. Double standard galore
^^ like kathc said ^^. Just
You can buy a simple locking
You can buy a simple locking mechanism and it can be installed at the top of the door so its not easily seen when not in use which would be most of the time. A small hasp available at most hardware stores and a real small padlock. Remember she's not going to take a crowbar to the door - it's just to keep her honest.
If for some reason both girls are home your daughter can use a step stool if necessary. Don't be disuaded by your husband that it would be insulting to the girl. Tough - not being trusted is one of the consequences of stealing. Yes in time a adolescent can be forgiven but not until she's in her twenties and demonstrated trustworthyness.
Meanwhile be glad she's not a back stabbing, lieing, curseing tale carrying little wrench like others described here. You do know how to disengage right? Here 's a link - do it. Things could be far worse.
http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html
Thanks to everyone for the
Thanks to everyone for the responses and good advice. Thankfully the girls have their own rooms. The item SD stole from my BD was taken from their shared bathroom. Believe me, we don't leave BD's stuff laying around like that anymore! The lock on BD's bedroom door is a good idea, just in case. I do pretty much disengage when SD is here. In my bedroom alone right now, while SD has taken over the family room TV, as usual, watching her favorite -- scary movies. Sigh....I think it's gonna be a long two weeks!!