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There's Two Sides to Having a Fulltime Bio & Skid

FMSL's picture

Submitted by FMSL on Wed, 02/11/2015 - 1:30pm

Although I know that I could never survive SD12 full-time if it weren't for BD4, there is a huge price to pay. I decided to become a SAHM to SD over 7 years ago. I quit my career (a career that was not easy to earn) and decided to commit myself to DH and SD. Needless to say, it was a horribly rocky start to a new marriage as I was 40 years old at the time. I quickly realized how important it was for me at the time--not everyone would feel this way--but for me at the time, I realized I couldn't make such sacrifices unless DH and I could have our own family. So, I chose to become a 40 year old pregnant woman and for the first time, dependent on a husband for income. BD has been a miracle despite the high risk due to our ages. That part has been a lifesaver. I would have been LONG gone if not for BD! I can focus on BD when the shit hits the fan with SD (almost daily)

However, the bitter side is SD cannot have a normal sibling type relationship with BD, and that hurts me daily. I understand most of it is because of the age gap (8 years difference) but I find that it breaks my heart that BD tries so hard to be part of SD's life and looks up to her while SD just shoots her down, rejects her, and pushes her away. She has shut her bedroom door on BD's fingers several times and that just makes me want to slam SD's fingers for payback. I hate that BD looks up to a rude, disrespectful, unkind person.

Just a vent. We all hate seeing our bios get hurt by others and I see it daily under my own roof. Then I feel guilty for putting BD in this position in the first place Sad Sad Sad

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Wed, 02/11/2015 - 1:45pm

I know it probably sounds horrible, but I am glad that BS5 and SD16 have never bonded. SD16 is such a hot mess that I am GLAD that BS5 does NOT look up to her, does not really care much at all about her. Makes it easier on him when she comes and goes and comes and goes. Right now she is in the "gone" stage, been gone for almost 3 weeks (moved out of state with DH Aunt) and BS5 hasn't asked about her once. Even though he is only 5, I'm sure he can feel that the tension has lifted in our house since she left. DH has actually been doing things with BS5 where before he was too tired from running ragged after SD16 or annoyed with SD16 or BM or whatever.

When... well make that IF... SD16 grows up a bit and realizes that the world does not revolve around her and everyone is not here to bend over for her and she stops lying and manipulating and acting the fool, then I would be happy for BS5 to develop a bond with her, but right now? I'm glad there is nothing there.

rozzann's picture

Submitted by rozzann on Sun, 12/09/2018 - 1:09pm

I understand as my BD with DH is almost 2 and SD is 6.  (I have a DD 11 and DS 13 from previous marriage).  I left my career 1.5 years ago, too, so that I could be a SAHM to BD and available for SD (who only left every other weekend to her moms) and my DD and DS (who I have joint custody of with my ex).  This has been extremely trying, as I try to keep SD away from BD because she, like yours, is not very nice to her.  Of course, like yours, BD is too young to understand and SD is just a brat.  DD and DS even get mad at SD for her behavior to BD.  I, probably like you, would also be gone if not for BD.  

It is sad to watch it in your case and I'm sure it causes you to have negative feelings towards SD.  Does DH notice this behaviro and do anything?  I know my DH barely notices and then when I say something he defends SD or acts like I am picking on her.  Disengagement is looking awfully good right now.... ;)  Especially since as of the past 2 weeks, SD will be here ALL THE TIME because we are going back to court for her mom psychologically abusing her.  I am so happy.  Can't you tell Wink