Getttt out if there! You don't need drama in your life! Travel and live life to the fullest! Being a mother is not an easy task!!!! Being a step mother with a Drama queen baby mamma is a living hell! There is always something to argue about when you are stepmom

Brace yourself for a life of hell.

Between a BM who has a very good reason to hate you and a SO who has a history of cheating, you're in. for a wild ride.

I'd say if you have any chance you both should back off, think about if this is what you reall want and get both of your lives in order before you take action. The fact of the matter is he is still married and if he's simply "thinking about divorce" then he is basically about to cheat on his wife with you... that is if you guys haven't already gone further than being friends.

step families are difficult as it is, and if you are the reason why him and the wife split up (and no matther what way you spin it, you will be the reason, If he just "thinking" about it now and then goes thru with it, you'll be the reason why he left his family if you both continue to be together.) those kids will HATE you, and I'm totally not bashing you, I know this. Prior to my parents divorce, my mother was simply "thinking" about divorce... well during that time frame she met someone and that someone is the reason she went thru with the divorce. My mother has been with that man for about 7 years now. I have 3 brothers and I'm the only girl. Well out of the 4 of us only my youngest brother has met this man and that is pretty much because she had visitation with him and she made him meet her boyfriend. myself and my 2 other brothers have never met this man nor do we have interest. The relationship with our mother since the divorce is pretty much non-existant... let's put it this way, the last time I seen/spoke with her was about 4 months ago when my grandfather died. My 2 brothers want to jump this man. We as adult know that my dad was a shitty husband but still he's our dad. We don't give my mother or her boyfriend a hardtime, we simply choose to act as though they both do not not exist and that is ONLY because of the way it happened. We are disgusted with this man because he persued my mother even though he KNEW she was married and we are disgusted with our mother because she left in the way she did.

All I'm saying is HE needs to decide what he wants and you need to not be apart of that equation. If he decides to divorce because it cannot work between him and his wife and you guys later reconnect then by all means but don't go down this road, you'll only disapointment. And BM's are TOUGH to deal with even when you meet AFTER they break up/divorce... and if she's already kind of crazy you're in for a ride.

Whew! What are your reasons for divorcing? I'm very much so in love with my husband, but am considering divorce. Makes me sick to type it, because it will be my second divorce if I follow through. Reason: being a SM sucks. I often tell people my hardest job ever has been being a SM. And I have had some seriously bad jobs.
I don't know what your situation is like. But go sssssslllllllloooooooowwwwwwww!!!!!
What the others have told you is probably spot on. You will be hated, you will be blamed, you will live in hell. But you also came to a sight for venting stepparents. (Not that I know of any sites for happy stepparents! :O )
There's literature out there. Start reading and get educated.

RUN. Get outta there.
or you can read though this site and see how other step parents are doing.
Chances are slim your world will look different.
sorry.

I had a friend that told me to run , I didn't listen and I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I did.

I understand. My situation is dif, I was divorced but when we started talking (he was a classmate so was also a friend) he was still married. He sd he wanted to leave but didn't want to hurt child. Well I didn't really care as we were just friends. Time progressed and somehow we got feelings. So I did say he had to make a choice bc I wldnt date a married man. Well he got a divorce and he was w his ex like 23 yrs .... Both weren't happy so she was just as ready as he was. But idk how I feel bout all this going on 2 yrs later. His daughter loves me and I care for her... But ughhhh it's not ez... My children are grown. He.has her 50% of the time and honestly I feel like I've lost my freedom. I haven't needed a babysitter in yrs... I can do as I plz ... Now wkends some kid is waking us up before 7am ... She nvr stops ... If we're talking she interrupts and he tends to her so I'm put on bk burner alllll the time. It's not like dating someone who can focus on you. And ok he's still married... Yes my bf left his wife bc I wldnt b w him married. He filed for divorce before 6months of us starting to talk. I wld caution you if your bf hasn't talked anddddd made the actions to follow thru... Otherwise don't count on him leaving. What he says to her is between them, but he shldnt throw you in her face. You didn't come between them I can promise you. Nooooo woman can get a happily married man. Period. So this marriage was already cracked bc otherwise he'd nvr have spoke to you. And I wldnt advice meeting kids any time soon. They'll deal w enough iffff he leaves her... To meet you before divorce is just rude. If he.does that, I'd seriously question his character. So before you go any further draw the line,.respect urself n say you will not date a married man ... If he's serious he won't tell you he "wants" to... Or hide behind hurting his children... He will talk to his wife and he will file. Anything less and he's lying to you and her. Don't kid urself, he.goes home to her. He.protects her feelings when it comes to u, he hides u from her, .... I'm not judging, like I sd my bf was married when we started talking. But I didn't listen to any bs either. Get a plan and follow thru or just admit it's a nice fantasy that gets you both thru every day life where that void is filled. It's that attn and rush of feeling special and sexy... It seems like if u got together life wld just fit together etc.. That's a distraction from reality :/ .... If it's real you move forward. And buckle up bc step kids r not that fun and it's complicated. No more alone time, and you will share him. I tried being as honest as possible. Hope it helps. Make no mistake, I love my bf like crazy and he loves me even more lol, our relationship is absolutely wonderful. He's asked me to marry him... And I care for his daughter, but wowwwww that's a huge thing and rt now I can't. If he didn't have a daughter I'd marry him yesterday. Sooooo .... Look at ur unique situation but b realistic too. Good luck

Men typically don't leave until they have a back-up. You will always be seen as the other woman and a home-wrecker. If you really want this tell him to call you when the paperwork is complete.

OHHH RUN RUN RUN sally, RUN RUN RUN!!! Be smarter than we are!! DOT BE A STEPMOM, KIT'S HORRIBLE AND NEVER GETS BETTER!!!!!

You don't want negative replies, yet you want honesty?

I suppose it goes right along with everything else you want/don't want. You want all the good without having to deal with the bad.

"Looking into divorce" does not mean his marriage is at its end. It means it's crossed his mind, yet he continues to choose to stay with his wife. His marriage is not at its end until he's divorced. You call it a "relationship", I suppose because it's easier to justify what you're doing, but it's a marriage. He's a married man.

Your hunch on the wife wanting to kill you is likely accurate, though it has NOTHING to do with her being unstable & EVERYTHING to do with the fact that you're helping yourself to her husband.

BACK OFF!

He's a weasel. Leave him to his family & marriage. He needs to deal with what he already has before starting something else. If not for himself, he owes it to his wife & children to do things right by them. If their family falls apart, they all need an opportunity to find closure with that without having you up in the middle of it.

You choosing to be "the other woman" will guarantee you that title with his family forever. You will ALWAYS be the one to blame for their family being broken.

There are plenty of single/divorced men available men.

Go find your own!

I'd stay as far away from this man as humanly possible until his divorce is final, he's living on his own and the kids have gotten older. :O

I don't mean to be judgemental or a prude, I know it is an accepted practice with some people nowadays, but IMHO married people who cheat suck. It is a character issue. If a man cheats on his wife with you, he has shown you he lacks integrity and will cheat on you with someone else. He can't be trusted. And you may well do the same to him. Maybe you should both take a cold shower and take a step back until you are both divorced, if it actually happens. It sounds like you are infatuated. That isn't real love, it is lust and the excitement of sneaking around and the drama-the stuff of fantasy. Infatuation doesn't last, it will dry up and disappear at the first sign of trouble or stress. Trouble and stress are just around the corner in this situation. And then what?

If you do get together, his kids will hate you forever because you helped break up their home. And they will punish you, believe it. And he will be broker than a joke because his wife will take him to the cleaners. Are you ready to work to help support someone else's kids? And be their taxi, nanny, cook, cleaning lady? It isn't fun or glamorous. It really blows. If he starts divorce proceedings, you should stay out of it until it is over. He should do the same for you. Why not get divorced if that is what you want, then go man hunting for a single man?

Don't try to meet the kids for a long time. They've just had their world ripped apart, they won't welcome you (how would you feel if you were them?)
Stay away from the wife. You may just get an earful from her, like maybe you are just one of many side dishes he's had.

Good luck!