Too young to listen?
Ok, so here is the deal. Every single time I tell the skids 13 and 10 to do something... it never happens. Take for instance, today. I told SS 10 "G... Take your booster seat into the house please." and I left. I come home to a stray cat (I'm allergic to cats) rolling around in the seat that G took and put on the porch. Two more feet and he would have done what I asked. I got irritated and was complaining that his kids DO NOT listen. Not mad at him. I simply stated that it would be nice if his kids ever listened to anybody, even once. Every time something like this happens he gets pissy with me and tells me that they are children and no child listens. Yes, I understand, you may have to redirect a three or four year old but aren't a 13 and 10 year old, old enough to comprehend a simple command such as taking something ten feet and putting it in the house? Am I expecting too much, or am I right? His kids are DUMB because he and his ex wife have never taught them anything and especially not any responsibility or listening skills. I am not going to support his children until they are 30 because he and his ex are too lazy to teach their kids anything.
I think you are right! No way
I think you are right! No way at 13 and 10 do they not know how to put things away properly!
It's actually just the
It's actually just the opposite...younger children tend to still want to please adults, not to mention, they have little else to occupy their time, so they usually do what they're told. Older children have heard it all before, don't care about pleasing anyone anymore (except for themselves) and their brain is occupied with things much more important than whatever you asked them to do. My kids are 10 and 11 and I have not figured out how to get them to do what I've asked the first time since about 2009.
Wow... never thought about it
Wow... never thought about it this way. You are exactly right. I told DH that if I had asked my four year old nephew to take the seat in the house he would have spent the next ten minutes trying to wrestle the thing into the house so no it isn't a kid thing. But I never thought of this.
Same problem with my skids,
Same problem with my skids, until I quit bothering. And DH's excuse was always "THEY'RE LITTLE". 7 and 9 are not to little to clean up something they spilled, put their shoes away, etc.
My seven year old does what
My seven year old does what she is told to do.
The 13 and 10 year old do not listen because there is no punishment given when they don't listen.
Okay... thanks everyone. I
Okay... thanks everyone. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't crazy. I mean, after all, I'm reminded every day that even though I have been the only one taking care of these two children for the last three years, I do not have children. So, I just wanted to make sure that I didn't have parenting all wrong.
Perfect example... We live on
Perfect example... We live on an acre lot. For the last four days ss10 has had one of his three bikes parked against the gate along the road. I have been telling him to bring his bike up by the house so our neighborhood thief doesn't find an easy target next time he comes by. I heard dh tell him too. Well, today the bike is outside the gate by the road with a for sale sign. So, i took the bike across the street and ditched it in the woods and told dh that tomorrow I am taking it to Catholic Social Services and donating it and I am going to let ss believe it was stolen to teach him a lesson about listening. Dh told me I may not do this and that "I am getting carried away with this whole listening thing." WTH? It must be nice wherever he lives.
You might benefit from Love
You might benefit from Love and Logic. There is a book, or parenting classes. I have the book and my exbf just finished their class, which was pretty much the same as the book. They would do something like this... Ask the kid, "Do you want to move your bike, or cut the grass/rake the leaves/mop the kitchen floor, etc.?" He will probably choose to move the bike. He "should" do it right then. Ten minutes later, if it still isn't moved, tell him, "You chose to move your bike, but you haven't done it yet. If I have to do it, I'm going to charge you a mover's fee, or you will have to do XYZ chore to get it back. You have two minutes to move the bike." First, give them the choice to do the right thing. Second, give them a consequence for not following through on what they said they will do. Third, the consequence. When they get to choose to do it, it isn't you telling them to do it...
Thank you. I will look this
Thank you. I will look this book up. I believe in choices. I explain to the kids that we live in a free country. What does that mean? We can act like wild heathens and then when a police officers tries to arrest us, he can't because we are free? Nope. It means we have the freedom to make good decisions on our own, or make them after we are given consequences. If I have to tell the kids repeatedly to do something, I tell them they can either do it on their own accord, or they can have a consequence (ie... five minutes in the corner) and then still do what I have asked them to do. It is my husband who does not give consequences for not listening and also stops me from dishing out consequences for not listening. That is what my post is about. As long as he does not discipline for them not doing what they are told, they will continue to ignore me because he is basically teaching them that what I say does not matter.