Double Christmas ? When is it enough?
My Skids get gifts at our home, their BM's from both sets of grandparents and my parents. We are downsizing this year dramatically due to the economy. We will be spending $150 each on Skids and only $100 on married ss and new wife.
My sd rarely likes anything so she's getting some stuff in her stocking and a $100 gift card. My ss who lives with us will get gifts because he isn't picky and likes most everything...it will appear that he'll get more because I'm a bargain shopper and he'll probably get $300 worth of stuff for the $150 I'll spend. How do I deal with her fit that she'll throw because he's going to get more? Do I just say well we could have bought you sale items and gotten great deals but you never like anything so you just get the money?
Also, why does BM get off buying them crap for christmas and we're expected to put out the bucks?
Explain to her that you spent
Explain to her that you spent the same amount of money on both kids.
It's up to her how she spends her money. She can bargain shop her little heart out and get as much as she wants for that amount.
You don't really have to justify anything to her. It's your money, your generosity, your house. If she doesn't like it, she can go without anything.
"You don't really have to
"You don't really have to justify anything to her. It's your money, your generosity, your house. If she doesn't like it, she can go without anything."
^^^EXACTLY^^^
You/we don't owe skids ANYTHING!!! They are NOT our kids they are THEIR PARENTS KIDS....therefore we owe them NOTHING!!! Explanations, justifications, money, presents, etc. NOTHING!!!
And don't EVER feel guilty about that because that is 100% FACT!!!
Last year her statement was
Last year her statement was this..."I didn't get what I wanted, but I guess I like what I got." She's a twit.
Explain that you have x
Explain that you have x number of dollars to spend on both ss and sd. And then give her the options:
Gift card nnd she graciously accepts (or if she throws a fit it will be rescinded)
You buy the presents and she takes her chances on liking them
If they want to complain
If they want to complain about their gifts, I would take them with me to the shelter when I gave said gifts away to children who have nothing.
Can I get an AMEN to
Can I get an AMEN to that!!??!!
I feel the same way... but it is what it is in stepfamilies. I guess the choice some parents have in order to only have one christmas/birthday per child is 1) have a joint holiday (NO WAY NO HOW) with the BM or 2) don't have one at all and be the "unfavored parent"
However, I do see it in my skids. I posted about a week ago that my teenage skids were EACH carrying around over $500 they "made" from their birthday(s) this year because of all of the bio and step relatives.
Christmas is very much the same. Makes me want to gag.
BRAVO!!!! I couldn't have
BRAVO!!!! I couldn't have said it any better myself!!!
YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD SISTERSGRIMM!!!
I love my ex-SIL. She
I love my ex-SIL. She brought 2 kids to the marriage. She was very poor and married a wealthy man. She did not let her children have a lot of "stuff". They were taught to shop at Target or Walmart when they could have financially been at Saks or Neiman's.
The only thing she ever "splurged" on was their college education. They went to public schools until then.
I don't get the entitlement
I don't get the entitlement with my SD13 she just expects to be lavished with gifts and that I should enjoy doing it. Well I guess I do get it because every year BM would spend every last penny of SO's paychecks in December and not pay any bills to give the kids a lavish Christmas. Then they would be broke and she would cry poor to borrow money to pay the bills from SIL and never pay it back.
So now SD expects thousands in gifts and gets pouty when she ends up with a few gifts which is what we can afford. My bios get 150.00 each because I save for that with extra jobs I do. SO gives his adult kids 50.00 each he came up with the amount himself. That comes out of our budget and then we spend about 200.00 on SD. She makes a list and I try to get the reasonable items on it. No to the laptop, Ipad, UGG boots, and Miss Me jeans she puts on every year }:) She always says how her BM is buying her xyz expensive gift then it never happens.
Just curious and NOT
Just curious and NOT bashing.... but does the $ spent on SD come from both you and DH? And why does SD get a different amount than your bios?
I'm asking because.... my DH feels that whatever I spend on my kids should be spent on his kids. In a "normal" situation I would be OK with that. But in reality this is our situation... my kids have ONE parental Christmas, ME. SK's have TWO parental Christmases.
Same here. My BS9 only has me
Same here. My BS9 only has me and my side of the family as his BD is not involved. And skid has my BF his BM and their families. I DO NOT BUY for skid, and I never will! If my BF CHOOSES to buy for my son so be it, that is HIS CHOICE but as for me that brat is a spoiled rotten turd as it is so too fucking bad he can deal with what typical kids get, presents from BM & BD family only.
Yep - SD14 is the same way.
Yep - SD14 is the same way. When asked what she wants for christmas, she pointed to my DH's new Samsung Galaxy S3 phone and said "that!" Sorry kiddo, that's a $650 phone and you don't deserve it anyway!
He said he'll give her $100 cash and that's it. Period. We only buy for the kids (his and mine, and his 2 young nieces). We don't buy for adults in the family anymore. Too damn expensive!
My daughter will likely get a $200 cap. Only because I don't see her much, she doesn't ASK for anything and my ex doesn't get her enough even though I pay him child support every month.
The flip side to your
The flip side to your argument is that I think there's a lesson to be learned by the kids in that situation.
Why should they get expensive gifts if they're not responsible enough to make sure they don't get lost/stolen/broken?
If they can't keep an eye on it at their BM's house, then they should leave it at Dad's. And if they're not old enough to make that distinction and figure out how to take care of their stuff on their own, then they probably don't need a toy that expensive.
But continually buying kids two of everything, or spending tons of money on expensive gifts, doesn't really teach them anything other than what one parent won't buy, the other one will.
And you end up with entitled teenagers walking around with their hands out ..
That being said, my skids get
That being said, my skids get two Christmases and two birthday parties (when they're local) every year.
We don't buy expensive gifts unless we get a really good deal on them; but no individually expensive items. We max out around $250/kid for Christmas and around $100 for birthdays.
Where we really splurge on the kids is vacations .. we'd rather invest the money in an experience and/or memory than a toy that will find it's way to the bottom of the toy box or clothes they'll outgrow in a few months. Just my personal preference though
I totally AGREE! Somehow the
I totally AGREE! Somehow the camera we bought for SD9 a few years ago went to moms and NEVER came back. Bio mom now uses the digital camera for herself and bought SD9 a piece of crap one from the thrift store
And THAT is why I would NEVER
And THAT is why I would NEVER allow skid to take ANYTHING from our house that my BF paid for to BM and I KNOW my BF would do the same!!!