New here, thought I'd see what others might think, in need of some feedback...
So I am a stepmom, I have been married for 3 years I have two Stepkids, SS12 and SD9. They are both great kids, I definitely have more of a connection with SD, they both call me Mom.
Their Mom, my husbands ex is a handful, she is a B word really...and makes it difficult for my husband and I. It's been very difficult lately (It seems to go in waves...depending on whether the ex is happy, single or whatever)sooo anyways last night my husband and I had a work event we had to attend that happened to fall on a night we had the kids. We ordered them pizza made sure they were ok and left...well then about two hours later we find out the kids had called their mom to come pick them up...I find 9 calls to their Mom on my phone (which I had left for them) and then she ends up calling my husband and saying the kids want me to pick them up, and then he has to call kids and blah blah blah, we leave the event (in the middle of talking to my husbands boss...) and get home to the kids all dressed in their coats on the kitchen table, and their Mom sitting in her car in the front of our house.
So we ended up having quite the talk with them...and my husband asks if they have any questions and what is going on that they want to leave. He explains he works hard for them to support them (aka child support...although we have never shared that with the kids) and they even got into talking about the divorce (which happened when SS was 4 and SD was 1) and it sucked...
I am so frustrated I just want to back away completely and not care...I feel as though I have done a lot...and I don't want to try anymore. To be super frank they drive me nuts sometimes, especially SS. I don't want them around, mostly because it means their Mom is around...my SS is eerily close to his Mom right now, like a boyfriend (as she doesn't have a close boyfriend right now) and their relationship is a little odd at the moment...their Mom cries in front of the kids, talks about how she wonders why she isn't good enough for their Dad (my husband) or her other ex boyfriends...she talks about adult topics infront of them way too often.
Also, it can't be a vacation everytime the kids come over...I guess when I was raised I was taught that kids were told what to do not asked...and this morning my husband asked if they wanted to go swimming at the pool so that him and I could go to the gym...maybe thats selfish, but when I was a kid going to the pool was great!
I really hope this makes sense and even though I can't put all specifics because this would end up being a novel I hope someone out there can offer me some sort of feedback...I am thinking I should take off a little more when the kids are there to encourage my husband to spend more time with the kids, because it's not me they are wanting more of its him...I hate it...
I know exactly what you mean
I know exactly what you mean about the being "eerily close" to their mother. My SS17 has been BM's mini boyfriend since he was about 12/13 and she had had the twins without a father. He was like the man of the house, he'd babysit, use his wages to pay for days out for his siblings and BM (he had a little evening job at my partners brothers place), would do night feeds, take twins out when she needed "alone time" etc... He's now 17 and is still close to his mum. They go to cinema and dinner every week (he more often than not pays) and doesn't really go out with his friends as he knows he'll get the guilt trip from her about being left alone with the kids. He doesn't have so much responsibility now as that jobs been passed down to SD14.
I actually didn't think it was that weird until I just reread what I wrote, lol.
Huh, that is interesting,
Huh, that is interesting, because it just sounds like my ss12. He is talking about saving up money to buy his mom a computer for Christmas! She is constantly talking about money with the kids and especially SS12 feels guilty and saves up money to pay for things. I do not like that!
Had that last year with my
Had that last year with my SS, saved up to get her a 3DS and this year a Kindle Fire. Makes me so mad to see the kids manipulated so easily. It's guilt trip after guilt trip in her household and her moans about being broke all the time has rubbed off onto the youngest one who now points out every new thing we get. She brags about the fact she's so close to her kids but that's because they know they'll get moaned at if they don't do what she wants.
It sounds like the issue is
It sounds like the issue is less the bm than it is that the kids want to spend time with their dad. I don't think it's right to leave kids home alone when they could've been with their mom instead. And then you wanted them to swim the next day so you could work out? (While admitting it is selfish...) How often do they actually see their dad? I homeschool my kids, so I spend a LOT of time with them. But kids who are at school all day barely see their parents. Why should they be happy about having even more time taken away because you have other (in their minds "better") things going on.
Also, this talk about kids being manipulated because they want to save up money for their bms' gifts...it is a MIRACLE to get kids to care about someone other than themselves these days. These kids should be PRAISED for wanting to do something for someone else. It is a great learning lesson to save up for something, especially when it's for someone else. I don't get your logic. Sounds like jealousy to me.
I think you are right about
I think you are right about kids these days and it being a miracle to get them to care about someone other than themselves...very true.
I think what she is talking about with the money though, is that the son has more of a husband role, things (like money issues)are being discussed with him that really should not be a child's concern. While it is great that he has compassion for someone other than himself, is shouldnt be because the mom has guilted him into feeling that he need to help her out financially.... parents shouldnt put their kids in that situation.