My husband and I have been married for a few months. He has a 14 year old daughter and so do I. He also has a 21 year old daughter but she lives in another country and does not talk to us often. We had a daughter together before we got married though, she's 2 years old now.My daughter has an OK relationship with him-not close, but respecting and kind. I tried to have this kind of relationship with my SD but it's not working. I have been in her life since she was 8 and she's 14 now. So that's 6 years.
Here's the situation: Her mom died when she was about 5 years old. She had coped with it and it all seemed to be fine. About three years later her father met me. When he first introduced us, she didn't say one word, just stared at us angrily and ate her dinner (he took us out for dinner and told her). She has been causing some issues over time but it all was minor and we went through all that. He managed to calm her down and discipline her. She did not see me often,she wouldn't and her dad did not force her. it's like he had a life with me and another with her. But, when we said we're getting married she got really angry. She was pissed,but she didn't yell or do anything that we expected, she just said that she can't believe what she's hearing and walked out of the room. He talked to her again and calmed her down but now.. It's hell. On our wedding she was very angry and all she did was talk to her sister (that came unwillingly and di not disrespect me but it was obvious she didn't like me or the fact I'm marrying her father)and they either laughed hysterically or stare angrily. Her sister went back home day after that, but the sd..Omg. She started disrespecting me, calling me names (stupid, bitch, ugly cow,etc.), and we even pushed eachother. She started it but when her father walked in she started crying and said it was my fault and I attacked her. Her father believed her and we argued but we settled it down and he asked me to be kind with her. And I have been. Since I met her I've been trying to form a relationship with her, I did everything I could to make her comfortable, I said I'm not trying to replace her mom, I took her shopping, to get her nails done, I bought her presents and talked to her,watched movies..She isn't ungrateful in the way that she does not say thanks..She said thanks and got me gifts on my bday (she has her own money since she was like 10 but I'll talk about that later) but she disrespects me often and is just really bad to me. She said something like this:"youre here' now but I'll change that, don't get too used to this". And honestly, I think she may separate us. My husband does love me, but he can't discipline her. She has always been the golden child of the family-straight A's, goes to competitions in math, and foreign languages, she dances and wins prizes for that, she's responsible and all that he asks her to do will be done flawlessly,even better than adults. she goes to family gatherings, weddings, celebrations, and she's always the positive center of attention-she's like a grownup:elegant, graceful, with style. When you look at her, you'd say she's PREFECTION. She's the pride of the family. Her whole family is rich, her husbands parents have a lot and lot of money and they give her money and expensive stuff often. Her aunts, uncles (and she has a few) give her money too. (That's why she has her own money) and so does my husband. She's very responsible with it and always manages it that way that she has a LOT saved. she dresses and acts good for her age, and the only problem is with me. That is why he can't,actually won't do anything about it. She's so perfect and if he tries to tell her something about her bad behaviour towards me, she starts crying ,sobbing and pretending to lose breath and saying stuff like '' im so good but youre never happy,you dont love me, you prefer her'' and then he can't do anything. Her mother's parents are dead and she had one sister but she lives far away and is a soldier so she can't take care of her. the girl is stayng with us. Her sister is in college and ofc she can't live with her. She's here to stay. I tried talking to her but she yelled and wouldn't talk nicely. idk what to do,i realy don't like her because she's horrible to me.
also her step sister, my daughter is disciplined,but they don't get along. my sd attacks my daughter and she ofc defends herself..then the SD plays the victim and starts sobbing. Her father sides with her because he can't take her tears. her sister 21 year old doesnt like me either. and basically i have this 1 year old that should be treated fairly, right? but her dad, my husband, does not have time for her because he has to deal with his 14 year old. She requests attention and if he does not put her at the center of his life on a pdeastal she sobs that he's neglecting her. so now he neglects our 1 year old when i told him that he got very defensive and after that he promised to give her more love but as soon as he picks her up the 14 year old pulls him away. They do have 1 on 1 time but she still does it.
Also her grandparens, the parents of my hubby, have a lot of money and they made a will that they're leaving everything to the 14 year old SD. NOTHING to our daughter together. nothing. and they have so much that this girl will probably not know what to do with it. They have houses in several countries , apartments in big cities, beach house, and a lot of money. expensive furniture in them, antiquities and such. they know about our 1 year old daughter but they don't like me, so they dont like the fact their son has a kid with me and they refuse to love the child.
I don't know what to do. I'm hurt, and bitter. and his 14 year old is a fuking boss in this family. what she says has to be done because she's smart and perfect and god forbid if she's unhappy. they all cater her like a queen,and call her their angel, beauty, pride, gold, and they call my 1 year old baby " the child "
I don't know what to do. I'm at my wits end but I don't want to leave this man because when it's not about his daughter, hes amazing, supprotive, loving and caring.
oh also. if he shows me affection in front of her she walks out and wont talk so he doesnt do it anymore. it+s like were strangers we don't even sit next to eachother when shes around.
Please don't tell me to lave him because I love him so much and we also have a child .i want her to have a father.
and idk how to solve this. Don't suggest therapy for all of us because this girl would refuse it. she hates to spend 1 minute with me.a nd he won't force her to that, he won't force her to anything.
we live together but shes often out of the house-dancing, hanging with friends ,etc.
she's like a queen. not a princess, a QUEEN that has absolute control of her family. for example if they wanted to go skiing and she wants to go have lunch-15 people will go do something SHE wants, not what they wanted.
if they wanted to go to idk mcdonalds to buy food, and she wanted burger king, they'll all eat burger king. she felt like it and it's a command to them.
what do i do?!