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15 Yr old lying to force a breakup?

SpoiledKids2812's picture

I've been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years now. He has 4 children. Two boys, 21 and 11 and two girls, 18 and 15.
He cut off all ties with the oldest boy and girl because of bad (TYPICAL) behavior. I hardly see his oldest son and I've never met the oldest daughter.
His ex wife moved the kids out to Arizona from Pennsylvania at the end of the first summer I met the kids so I don't see the younger two very often either.
They come out to PA for about 1.5 months in the summer...right now. The 11 year old son is fine, a spoiled brat but that's nothing I can't deal with. He's generally a good kid.
His 15 year old daughter thought...We've had minor, minor issues in the past. The first two weeks she was out here this summer were excellent. She was up every morning, very helpful, good with my own 4 year old son, and she never stopped yapping. She's a teenager who doesn't know how to stop running her mouth. So I get to hear about all of her friends who happen to be guys and her few friends that are girls who are total trash. She also trash talks her dad non stop. Dad doesn't do anything right, nothing. But when she needs something....'DADDDDYYYYY' *CRINGE*
The first day they were here, I went food shopping and asked her if she needed anything. She said she needed very specific items. AKA, 'I want to go the store with dad so I can buy useless shit while I daddy the fuck out of his credit card.'
My boyfriend makes a very decent amount of money and his kids know it. They both milk him to death and it's disgusting. He said that there would be no more 'daddy-atm' this summer. He bought her a pair of rinky dink sunglasses when we were in Arizona in April. We were at the beach and she claimed to not have any sunglasses or flip flops. Gives her 40 bucks. She comes back with a hat and flip flops and 5 dollars change. I can bet she pocketed some of that money. Turns out, she had not one...but THREE pairs of sunglasses in her bag. She lied to his face and wasted money. She also had a hat with her.

While we were at an amusement park, she was extremely persistent on pressing the idea that her father brought another woman to the park last summer without me knowing. She wouldn't let the thought go yet she couldn't tell me this girls name and her brother didn't recall her at all. I did ask my boyfriend and he said the girl was before me which makes sense if his son doesn't remember her. I've been involved with him since he was 9. He probably wouldn't recall a short term girl friend when he was 8 or younger.
So she pushed this thought and I blew it off, just his crazy teenage daughter trying to be dramatic.

But two days later, (we all had a great day too-no problems) my boyfriend comes home from work, gives me a half hearted hug which I blow off to being tired. It was about 7:40 when he got home and he goes to bed at 8:30. He got ready for bed immediately which wasn't usual. But them he went down to his daughters room and was down there for over a half an hour. When he came back up, I cuddled up with him and the cuddle wasn't really returned. He told me that his ex wife called him saying that his daughter was upset that I was trash talking both of her parents to her and that I was trash talking his daughter too. He told me that I need to stop all the negative talking, that he only has a month left with them and he wants the drama to stop. That he will deal with it at the end of the summer.
I was blown away. He didn't scold her or anything. He knows how she lies and blows stories out of the water and he took it all as she said it. The only thing I said to him was 'Ok.' Before I went and cried in the shower.
I don't think on my feet, I didn't put two and two together till after the fact. She's trying to cause issues between me and her father. Why? I've heard stories about it before but I'd never expected to have it happen to me. I later explained my side of the story, that I, in no way at all trash talked her trashy mom. Her mom is an angel in her eyes. When her mom hid a marriage from the courts for over a year to keep receiving 900 a month in alimony on top of the 1,200 a month in child support.... His daughter can justify anything her mom does. The justification for this was that mom was drunk and accidentally got married but filed for divorce the next day. Which is all lies. My boyfriends ex wife lies so much to the kids, I feel bad for them. But it's no wonder the daughter lies about everything and anything.

I never trash talked her mother, I never trashed talked her father. His daughter was the one who trashed talked her father every chance she got and I had to listen to all of it. And when she raved about her mom and I made a comment like '1,000 a month in utilities is next to impossible.' It turned into me bad talking her superhero mom.

So now the teenager is being a complete bitch and sucking up to dad like CRAZY. She pulled a 360, she's not talking to me at all and she's finally getting along with her kid brother and loving on dad.
She's being flat out rude and her father is allowing it because she's mad at me for trash talking mom. I'm blown away that he believes so much of her story. I'm about ready to end it because he doesn't trust me.
When I texted her about breakfast, going to the store, other necissary things, it was okay for her to blow me off because she was mad at me. When this teenage brat made dad take her to the store so she could spend 25 bucks on boxed cake mix, caned frosting, sticks and chocolates (ALL OF WHICH WE ALREADY HAD THE HOUSE but neither of them BOTHERED to check with me about the food inventory before wasting money). She wanted to make these disgusting cake pops for the forth of July party we were having. The party I'd already made a cake, brownies and chocolate covered strawberries for. She knew this. So she trashed the kitchen making these gross cake pops. My boyfriend is extremely adamant about keeping his house clean, god forbid my 4 year old left his mega block out on the floor in his own room out of sight. But he had nothing to say when his daughter left a sink full of dirty dishes when she could have and should have put them in the dishwasher. When I had to wash the dishes about 4 times (she was also making this dry mac and cheese and over salted mashed potatoes) because she just wasn't cleaning after herself and I needed to get other things ready for the party...she didn't thank me once. I told her dad. What did she do? Nothing. Continued to ignore my existence like a little bitch. She still didn't clean up. She wiped part of the counters down and threw everything in the sink. Dad asked her to clean up after the party. Her idea of cleaning was putting all her shitty food (which didn't go over well at the party-the cake pops got a huge TOO SWEET across the adults), throwing away my guacamole, stacking dishes in the sink sky high (which her dad can't stand), leaving my Pina Colada mess alone, even pushing the blender back against the wall. Dad praised her for being so helpful. How sweet she was.
The next morning, I got fucking stuck cleaning up after this brat again. Flies were all over the sink and for some reason, my boyfriend had nothing to say when I asked why his daughter didn't just simply load the dishwasher last night. It would have fit and she was awake till who knows when. He didn't say anything. He just let me clean up her mess. Again. I'm fed up.I don't deserve this.
She really bit herself in the ass by deciding to get between me and her father. I watched her struggle with a great number of things while cooking and I let her suffer. I could have offered her so many little tips and told her where certain items were and so forth, but she's been so rude and she's even been rude to my 4 year old son. I don't have the heart to help her.
What I really don't understand is why her father is allowing this to continue. He can't stand drama of any kind and his daughter is the queen. She's constantly starting shit with him. But she's turned on the 'Daddy' switch and being all sweet.
She's been rude and flat out disrespectful and her father is ALLOWING it.

Best part? He strongly thinks that she isn't even his daughter. His ex wife cheated A LOT and his sister knows the guy his ex wife was cheating with and she believes that this girls isn't his. And I'd believe it too. His 3 other kids all bear a very strong resemblance to him. The daughter? Nothing at all. Not even the teeth I've noticed are extremely dominate in my boyfriends side of the family. He said last week that he doesn't even want her to come out her next summer. Earlier in the year- he was hoping she wouldn't even come out this summer.
But she spins this lie and she's daddy's girl again? What the hell?

Has anyone dealt with something like this before? I'm ready to pack up and leave, I don't need to feel this way. :? :O

Acratopotes's picture

Nothing strange about your story, I can suggest disengage from her, you treat her the way she treats you, you buy her nothing and you take her no where, if she asks you something reply with Ask your Dad...

Simply treat her like a stranger , you do not even do her laundry or tell her to do her laundry, she's not your daughter and not your responsibility.

Get financially independent and do not give her money or pay anything, if her Dad paid his bills and house hold expenses, he can do with his money what ever he wants to... you keep your money out of the relationship.

Start recording her when she bad mouths her parents, and when she turns it to Dad that it's you, simply say nothing and play back the recording, then walk away.

Next time she leaves a mess in the kitchen, ignore it, if your BF gets all worked up about it, smile and say, I did not do that, ask the person who did that to clean up, I'm not your maid... take your kid and walk away, leave the dishes till they are green, I simply say to my SO, if you are old enough to make a mess, you are old enough to clean, why do you expect me to clean but not your daughter?

Then lastly - you are not married yet, do not get married to this man, clearly his princess comes first, you only free to marriage when this snowflake is settled in her own life and ignoring Daddy ... and she will not be part of the wedding, maybe a guest.

It's not wrong to be nice to one skid and ignore the other, you simply treat people like they treat you

Willow2010's picture

Ugh…you fell right into her game. Your first mistake was letting her trash talk her father. Second was ever being alone with a person that lies soooo much. Third is worrying too much about your BF money.

Now it is time to step back and just be like the friendly Aunt. (and your BF and his DD are up each others butts now because they have a common enemy.)

If SD walk into a room you say “Hi SD how is your day?” Then that is it. Go about your business.

If she makes a mess you ask your BF the following..;”DH hun, the kitchen is a mess for some reason and I need to use it later so can you please go get it cleaned up?”
You do NOT ask her to go to the store, you do not ask her if she wants something special from the store. You do not be alone with her nor do you let your 4 year old a lone with her.
You smile and nod a lot. You are not trying to beat her at this game, you are trying to make it 4 more weeks until she is gone again for a year.
You said she is rude to you now. How is she rude?

SpoiledKids2812's picture