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Charly's picture

Submitted by Charly on Fri, 04/20/2012 - 4:03pm

Hi Ya'll!

I googled difficult step child and here I am! I read a few posts and had to join the fun! I am in need of a place to vent, and I really admire all of the support and love given here!

A little about me. I am a Mom to crazy twin boys. They are the sweetest cutest 7 year old boys and I just love them to pieces. I have been married to a wonderful man for almost 1 year. He has 3 children SS14, SS8, and SD4. BM is not in the picture, she's on an extended vacation on the island of iron doors and barbed wire fences.

I was welcomed into the family quickly by SS14, We both love sports (GO MAVS) and we just really hit it off quickly. SS8 and I have gotten close through food. I cook, he talks, I listen, we bond. SD4 hates me. She was okay at first. I painted her nails, we played dress up, she liked me for a while. It all changed after DH and I were married and I moved in. I stole her Daddy. DH loves his little princess daughter and it is a struggle. Most of our arguments are centered around the little princess. I am committed to de-throning her.

This past weekend the twins were with their father and the step kids were with their Gramma. DH and I went out for some delicious margaritas. We were talking about silly stuff. Nothing to do with the kids (we both avoid the subject lately) DH brings up a family trip we will be taking this summer and starts mentioning things SD4 will need for the trip. Things like a bathing suit, sunglasses, flip flops, etc. I laughed. I told him that I would like a new bathing suit, sunglasses, and flip flops too! Since I make the money, I'll be checking items off of my list before I start buying for Princess.. he got up and left. I followed him outside and he turned around and said, Well at least I don't have two 7 year old boys that talk like 4 year olds.... I got in my car and left.

This is usually how our arguments go. I say something because he is worshiping SD4'S throne, and he gets mad and insults my boys. I know I shouldn't have said anything. We were having a great night. I just got so damn irritated.

So that's my world in a nutshell. My goal is to vent about my step parenting challenges here and hold my tongue at home. Any success stories with that method?

Comments

lindy148's picture

Submitted by lindy148 on Fri, 04/20/2012 - 4:07pm

Hi, I'm new to....OMG I hate when we fight over the children...He treats my son different than he treats his and they are the same freaking age!!!! I know he loves my son, but I understand with my son having ADHD it's hard to enjoy some of our times together without him acting like a mad dog...Ohhhhh I get soooo angry when he raises his voice.

Charly's picture

Submitted by Charly on Fri, 04/20/2012 - 4:13pm

Yay, another newbie! I hate it too! I know my DH loves my boys too, but there is something about your own children... they are yours.

lindy148's picture

Submitted by lindy148 on Fri, 04/20/2012 - 4:16pm

I love my step son, but there are days where i'm so happy he is going to his mothers that night....Usually because I get tired of him whining constantly...My son is a free spirit and hardly ever whines so it's good that they have a break from each other, but I understand the princess thing....My little sister was just like that and I kept telling them not to treat her like this, they were turning her into a brat!

Charly's picture

Submitted by Charly on Fri, 04/20/2012 - 4:21pm

I thought at first it was a Daddy's little girl thing. Now it's more of a make me vomit thing...

LPS's picture

Submitted by LPS on Fri, 04/20/2012 - 4:16pm

Welcome! I know exactly what your talking about with DH loving SD and saying crap about your kids. My DH is the same way. SD16 is a magical unicorn, he admitted that she lives on a pedestal once in a family therapy session. :sick: Whenever I ever say anything about his magical unicorn he automatically has something nasty to say about my DS14. It used to get so bad that he would say it to my sons face, yell at my son and curse at him. Needless to say my son lost all respect for DH and refused to say anything to him or be in the same room as him. It was always a screaming match, me protecting my child against DH. After 2 years of being a blended family we finally sought family therapy. We went first with me and DS, then DH and DS and myself. DH screamed at my son and my son screamed at him and after they both felt better. Things now are okay between them, my son still really doesn't want a relationship with DH but he tolerates him.

Getting back to SD, DH irritates the crap outta me on how wonderful she is. On how everything has to be so perfect for her, even now after we went to therapy the 3 of us because I felt disrespected by her. Now, she says Hi and Bye to me but thats about the extent of it. DH thinks she still doesn't do anything wrong. But I've come to the realization that he will always be that way and I just ignore it and her.

Everything is about my kids, if SD needs something, I "forgot" then he has to go out and get it. If SD needs something that we have and I don't feel like helping her, I tell her we dont have it.

Feel free to vent away, everyone on here is really great in listening and giving advice Smile

Charly's picture

Submitted by Charly on Fri, 04/20/2012 - 4:20pm

Thanks!! Wow, how old was your SD when you came into her life?? Was it always this way?

LPS's picture

Submitted by LPS on Fri, 04/20/2012 - 4:36pm

well, when we first started dating SD was 7. My son was 5 and my daughter was 8 mths. It was always pretty much like this but at the time DH didn't have her living with him and saw her on the weekends. I was there on the weekends too, I should've seen it as a sign that things were only going to get worse the way SD behaved then and the way DH responded. She NEVER did anything wrong. I used to cry to my brother in law, he agreed with me what a selfish, pos kid his niece was and how in DH eyes she can do know wrong.

Back then, DS used to be friends with SD but now that we all live together (married 3 four years in July) he wants nothing to do with her, they don't talk. DD tries to have a sisterly relationship with SD but SD is a selfish bitch and doesn't care about DD. She lies to my mom and says how she loves her step siblings but its apparent that it isn't true.

My parents and my friends tell me 2 more years and she'll be in college BUT DH doesn't strive for SD to go anywhere but a community college so Im sure she'll be here forever.

Sorry, I'm off on a tangent.

Charly's picture

Submitted by Charly on Fri, 04/20/2012 - 4:49pm

Oh wow. Is there anything you wish you would have done differently in the beginning to put her and DH in their place?

lindy148's picture

Submitted by lindy148 on Fri, 04/20/2012 - 4:50pm

Ohhh I know how it goes with the ex causing a money problem....my husbands ex decided to not pay a credit card that had his name on it and she then decided not to tell him until like 2 years later when I ran his report and found it in collections....She hasn't tried to pay it off and just acts like it's not big deal....Thats probably my only problem I have with her to this day. She is irresponsible with money!