Am I Wrong to Be Upset
He has a 4 1/2 year old daughter from a previous marriage. I have an 18 year old daughter of my own. Together we have a 9 month old baby and twins on the way.
A few months ago, my teenager found his daughter in our baby's room with our baby tied up with a jump rope. Needless to say, when I found out I was pissed off. He said this his kid is just being a 4 year old, didn't get upset or anything, except at me for being so upset.
We've been using a baby gate to our little one's room since then and myself and my teen have been keeping a close eye on his kid. I'm very concerned over my baby's safety, I think as any parent would be when there is a 4 year old around.
Today, in the minute that her father was in the restroom, his daughter climbed the baby gate into our baby's room. When I heard it on the monitor and went to check, of course I was upset. I picked his daughter up, set her outside our baby's room, and told him in an upset and loud voice through the bathroom door that his kid had just climbed the baby gate. I didn't say anything to his daughter, just set her down and told her dad. The moment her dad opened the door and came out, his daughter began crying as if someone had hurt her. He immediately takes her side, tells me that I'm being mean to her and that I'd better get used to her acting like a kid. I told him how quickly he forgot that not too long ago his kid tied our baby up with a jump rope and that he better stop worrying about his 4 year old being upset and start being concerned more with our 9 month old's safety.
Am I wrong here? Am I making a big deal out of nothing?
Nope! You're right. You child
Nope! You're right. You child could have been STRANGLED! She needs to follow the rules. There is a gate to keep her OUT and she ought to have been punished for breaking the rules. And never should your husband be taking the child's side ESPECIALLY in front of the kid. That gives her power and will encourage her to act out and try to get her dad to choose her over his wife.
That's our problem, he
That's our problem, he doesn't punish her. He didn't punish his kid when she tied our baby up with the jump rope, just like he didn't punish her today when she climbed the gate into the baby's room. His daughter doesn't mind me at all when he is around; instead she will blatantly disregard what I say, look at her dad first, then look me in the eye as she continues doing whatever it is that I've told her not to. This has been a huge issue with us for the past 2 1/2 years.
But when things come to the safety of our baby, I feel that he should want to err on the side of caution. I'd much rather his 4 year old be upset than our 9 month old be hurt. I just can't ever get him to understand where I'm coming from because to him, his daughter can never do any wrong. It is so frustrating.
What the heck? He should NOT
What the heck? He should NOT be letting her disrespect you like that! You are an adult and she is a child and you are his wife! Have you talked to him and told him he needs to discipline her and NOT let her act like that with you? Just thinking what my husband would do lol Chew SS's little butt out! It actually has only happened once with us and he fixed it real quick!
A baby is a baby. More delicate and not capable of defending itself. The 4 year old knows the rules and chooses not to follow it. Does your husband not understand that your infant could be seriously hurt or killed if not watched carefully? Odd he seems to be playing favourites between his 4 year old and his new child.. Rules are rules and everyone is expected to follow the rules of the house. Nothing good will come out of him letting her disobey the rules and disrespect you.
Generally I have always sided
Generally I have always sided with the 4 year olds when someone types something about that age and theies skid. In this case you are right. Your baby could have been hurt, and you gave no indicatition on the relationship of these to kids. Regardless, at 4, she know she should not be climbing a gate.
The crying thing when dad came out is just her age. My own daughter played that against myself and DH. How your DH handles it is going to be the decsisve factor. If he continues to let her get away with it, she will continue to do it.
I wish I could find a way to
I wish I could find a way to make him understand where I'm coming from, that it's not about me "being mean" to his daughter, but instead is about us making sure that our infant is safe. It's that simple. But when it comes to anything I say or feel about his daughter, he is immediately defensive and refuses to listen, no matter how I approach it.
you're totally not wrong to
:jawdrop:
you're totally not wrong to be upset, i would be to. Your baby's safety is top priority.
Yes it depends on how
Yes it depends on how wrapping the kid up with the jump rope was done. Maybe she and a friend have done the same at daycare so she thought it was funny and appropriate play.
If she was wrapping the kid up and trying to shove her out the window, that is a different story.
It's possible by segregating the baby from her, you will breed resentment and jealousy between them. Are you giving the 4 year old plenty of supervised time with the baby since you understandably took the unsupervised time away?
Is your husband against
Is your husband against punishing his daughter at all? I don't think it's appropriate to go ballistic on a 4 year old. I do think it's appropriate to set rules and consequences though.
Maybe you and DH could sit down and agree on some rules so you don't treat every situation in the moment, allowing your husband's feelings to get in the way.
For example, climbing the baby gate is a 5 minute timeout. Hitting the baby means no dessert that night. Or whatever y and he agree on.
If he refuses to sit down and implement rules with you, and work as a team, then I see trouble ahead.
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this is terrible....how is a
this is terrible....how is a 4 yr old going to learn of he is never told off and disciplined...such dangerous behaviours needs serious telling off...4 year olds know when they can get away with stuff and will know that dad is telling you off and do it all the more..
Well the safety of the baby
Well the safety of the baby is paramount. Pretty soon you will have twins on your hands as well. So this child needs to learn that babies need to be handled with care
Her dad has shown you time and time again he cannot or will not do it.
Talk to him let him know what your idea off appropriate discipline is and that if he continues to ignore the safety of the baby in favour of allowing the four year old to do what she likes, then YOU will discipline her.
I don't think it is your place. I think dad should do it. But where the baby's safety is concerned. Well you can't really stand on ceremony. She could have chocked that baby very easily
I do think though that you should perhaps involve her more with the baby supervised of course and hopefully she will learn how to treat him.
Daddy clearly is spoiling her and she is more than likely jealous. Your biggest problem is him.
I once found DS4 "feeding"
I once found DS4 "feeding" BS-4months a PB sandwich, after he had climbed into the crib in the early morning. Constant vigilance is all that keeps the babies alive.
I understand and have the
I understand and have the same concern...If I am not there what if SS/SD hurts the baby because you didn't think they would? and then I enter the would you even tell me? phase. What reason does DH give for tying the baby up being okay? Would he think it was equally okay if say neighbor child age 4 did it too? or to SD4? Sounds like he felt you were "attacking" SD4 and him being the only one to protect her, he did. And guilt that she would do it. I am terrified of my SS7 picking up my baby. I have see him "accidentally" drop one of the dogs and "accidentally" knock them off the couch or "accidentally" break things. I agree something is going on with SD for her to do that and it could be simple jealousy, BUT DH NEEDS to realize she can't play softly or properly with the baby (or future babies) and can't be alone with them and HE needs to enforce that and have consequences. And HE needs to sit down with her and talk and not buy into the tears and IDK's.
Picked that kid up and put
Picked that kid up and put her back over the effing gate and told dh if he didnt punish her I would but that he BETTER take the responsibility!