I couldn't do it. Hell, I couldn't live 1/2 mile away from BM. When DH and I met, he had a bachelor apt 1/2 mile away to make pick ups and drop offs of SD easier on him. He asked me to move in with him after we'd become serious. I told him when his lease expired, we could move in together farther away from BM.

I don't know how women do that - move into a home once shared by their significant other and his ex...I just know I can't do it. It's got to be the worst feeling. Sorry your DH doesn't understand and no, you're not acting emotional. He's being insensitive to your feelings. You have to live there every day, seeing BM everywhere, not him. To him, it's life as usual.

Any way you could sell the home and move? I know it's hard nowadays to sell homes, but have you ever asked him if he'd be willing to move?

Kudos to you for even attempting living there. I couldn't do it

I do.
I also own my own home which I now rent out. We decided to move into his (though it is much smaller than mine) as it was the only bit of security for the kids. (BM has been moving them around a lot) I understand this but I do have my moments where I don't like being there.
He said that all the decorating etc was his choice (none of the original furniture is there as she took it ALL). I have a few bits of mine there but I will never fully feel like it is MY home.
I moved in on the condition that once the kids are a bit more grown up we will rent his out and buy a place together. Whether that will actually happen though is another thing. Time will tell. If not I can just move back to MY home.

I moved in to my BF's home where he and the BM lived but it was a townhouse and they rented it. Plus, we had a unique situation. When I agreed to move in, that same week the house was struck by lightning. The townhome next to us was completely damaged and had to be re-built and then the ones next to that one had damage too. We were lucky and only had smoke and water damage but that meant it needed new paing and carpets. Also, in the process, there was a very convenient pod in the back to literally just throw things away. We made very good use of that! All her stuff was gone and we basically got a brand new apartment. New paint, carpet and flooring. She had already came at one point and took stuff she wanted, including their bed which was perfectly fine with me! yuck. Idk how I would've done though if it hadn't been for the lightning striking the house. I think I would want to get out of there asap but seeing its a house that you guys are paying for its not that easy. Definite kudos to you and hope it starts to feel like home a little more - why not do new paint or floors if selling is out of the picture.

No way I could do that. You could burn the house down and it will still have BM stink all over it. Move ASAP.

I just put two and two together I think. Isn't your BM the one that just walks in your house and does what ever she wants? Oh I would be moving.

I do. The Nasty left their marital home, taking everything in it except the appliances when she left. When DH bought the house, he paid cash for it. However, because she laid around drunk & passed out for the last 3 years of their marriage, he ended up taking out a mortgage on the house since she was no longer earning any money or contributing in any way.

She expected to be awarded 1/2 of the house in the divorce, thereby forcing DH to have to sell the home so she could get her hands on some cash. The joke was on her, because the house is now upside down due to the recession & housing mess.

Therefore, DH will continue to live in that house for the forseeable future.

I'm a big believer in blooming where you are planted, and making lemonade from the lemons that life dumps on your head. So, since I was going to have to live in that house if I was going to be with DH, I set about making that house a home and eradicating any & all traces of The Nasty.

Every room has been completely revamped....new paint or wallpaper, new flooring, new light fixtures, new window treatments, new everything. It doesn't even look like the same house and it's most definitely a home now. DH says he loves coming home now, whereas he used to do anything to delay getting back to what he used to call "the house".

We had the added bonus of tackling these projects together, and that was an amazing way to come closer together and have shared goals. He was as anxious to erase all traces of her as I was! And we learned each other's strengths in these types of projects, which we carry over into other areas of our life together.

So, in our case, we didn't have a choice about the actual property. But, we made sure it had none of The Nasty's funk attached to it anymore.

Also, I think it helps me to know that they purchased that home very late into their marriage, and they were already not happy and looking toward separating...so it wasn't ever really a happy home for them.

DH & I walk our dog every evening in the neighborhood, and any neighbors who might have wondered who I am when I first moved there, now know ME as their neighbor.

I totally get what you're feeling and how it's an icky feeling. But, for me it was a matter of not having any immediate options, so make the best of it. And now, I actually LOVE that house....it's a beautiful house on a beautiful piece of property. And The Nasty is still just The Nasty.

Hopefully, you'll be able to find peace in whatever direction you & your DH go with respect to where you live. For my money, home is really where the heart is and everything else is just real estate & possessions.

I moved into the house that DH and BM shared for almost 20 years and it was one of the BIGGEST mistakes in regards to our relationship. (The other BIG mistake was not making sure BM had boundaries BEFORE we got married.)

BM had ran off with another man and left everything (I do mean everything)except her clothes. DH had gotten rid of very little when I moved in. So I moved into literally BM's house.

We have painted, replaced flooring and redecorated but it still does not feel like my house! I still run into BM's stuff from time to time.

If we go to get rid of something and BM finds out she thinks she has the right to it and will say she wants it.

DH and SS think it is their home not mine and I know it. As a matter of fact they probably think it is more BM's home than mine! It makes me resent living there.

I feel like I am homeless. I do not have a home of my own and I hate it!

I hate that DH and SS has more say so over the house than me. Yes, DH lets me redecorate but when my kids come to visit I feel like "I" do not have a place for them to stay.

They can stay at the house but have to be conscious of SS's stuff and DH's rules.

Sorry for the rant but this is a sore subject with me!

I am in the house they shared. Lots of issues at first. But, now it is definitely my home. I have redecorated completely. Even adding windows and new doors...It doesn't even look like the same house. I did also keep my house just in case this was a problem and have rented it out. Keeping my exit strategy.

But, this is my home now and BM has tried one time to come into the house and was stopped at the door. In fact DH slammed it in her face when she came looking for a cell phone that SD had left. That was fun to watch. She never comes out of the car anymore. I have redone the yard and the garden completely and am starting to enjoy the house.

You have to make it yours however that is. For me, it was lots of paint and workmen and new plants and furniture.

Hell to the no! It would make me sick.

I did live in the house they were in. I was there for about a year, even slept in the same bed (among other activities) that they shared. I HATED it!! I am soooo glad to be out of it. I loved the house, hated the history there. We were strapped financially so it was all we could do. We had the same furniture she sat on too and being lazy butt she was, there was a dent int he couch wear she sat. I had sooooo many issues with the whole thing.

I hated seeing pictures/videos of them as a family there. I hated knowing that they used the boat (that no longer runs but sat there) for fun family outings. I hated it when my husband would comment about what she did there even if he was saying that he liked my way better. It's just really hard to handle especially if you are a slightly jealous person.

If I were you though, I would work hard to change it as much as you can. Get rid of her stuff, or anything they shared. I was so happy to get rid of that friggin' bed. I know financially some things you can't change but over time, little by little, try to change it.