NEVER watching SS8 alone AGAIN
...
This is utter BS. I am getting to where I want to be alone with my BS1. I'm almost rushing everyone out the door. I've got poor BM who had some VERY minor procedure and her sugarstep calling ME to go get SS8 because the procedure was not on time and they were afraid that they might not be able to pick SS8 up from school on time. So...I stupidly answered the phone with sugarstepdaddy and he is putting me on the spot, so I , like a fool, agree to go get SS8 while having my 14 mth old 30 pound son, on my hip, in the heat.
We get back here and SS8 is RUNNING out the door, to a neighbors house while I am yelling "be back in a few minutes as sugarstepdaddy is coming" and again, he did NOT come back in a few minutes as TOLD, and is not even where he said he would be, I've got my toddler napping here and can't go searching the entire area looking for an 8 yr. old kid, I email hubby who again, let SS8 "slide" because SS8 claims that he does not know what a few minutes means, Hello? the freaking sun is going DOWN?
So, SS8 starts acting like he is crying and so, so9 confused because I, the wicked SM said to him, "why did you not come back like you were told?!" So, daddy hugs him and lets him get his BIKE. Sugarstepdaddy showed up and SS8 was not even ready.
Meanwhile, I am falling over after all of this shit and TRYING to take care of my OWN KID HERE and there are people coming ands going out of my house, confusing the shit out of BS1. Then, I try to express my feelings about this and DH goes all passive agressive on me as usual saying I am "blowing things out of proportion" etc. wtfh is the deal here and why don't the PARENTS do something? I REFUSE to watch SS8 ALONE, anymore. damn I am pissed.
I learned a long time ago I
I learned a long time ago I can't make someone care or act the way I want them to. If 3 out of the 4 parents don't care what the kids does and don't think its a big deal then don't worry or stress yourself out about.
Learn to say no. I have ZERO problem saying NO. There was no reason you had to watch SS yesterday. Not your obligation. Stepdad could have gone to get him too, no reason BM couldn't have been left alone for an hour. Shoot...I drove myself to the hospital once and had surgery ALONE and my husband picked me up that evening. I survived and am not emotionally scarred. People need to grow the hell up.
This is a conclusion I came
This is a conclusion I came to myself about 18 months in almost all at once. A hand throwing up in the air moment where I looked int he mirror and asked myself - if their parents don't give a shit why do I? What am I really trying to do here??
That is when I dropped it, by it, I mean everything I could all at once. S.C.R.E.W I.T. Its not my job to save these children whose intellegent parents are choosing to raise the way they are raising them (if you call doing nothing raising)
I am strong, I am raising my 2 bios on my own with no financial and almost no participation from the bio dad. I block DH quite a bit where my bios are concerned now too - in my opinion, he needs to take care of his own first and once he figures that out then he can participate with mine - mine don't need him - his do.
Because I am strong everyone was dumping on me - no more.
I look at it like a tug a war rope - I was pulling and pulling and I simply just stood up one day and let go of the rope - done.
Good one! "If their parents
Good one! "If their parents don't give a shit, why should I?"
I still feel guilty when I see either DH or BM doing things and raising SD in a way that I would never do to my own!
IF I do not recognize the
IF I do not recognize the phone number from now on, on my caller ID, I will NOT answer it.
Don't be held hostage by
Don't be held hostage by caller ID either. Answer your phone and then, when asked, "Just say no!" Just like Nancy Reagan said...
I know, right? I just had a
I know, right? I just had a baby with zero drugs and we are talking about something like getting an ingrown hair removed? Sugarstep was with BM and she could not drive home. Oh well, either keep your child home with you from now on with this crap or come back to pick up BM? Damnit!
FYI- I have not had one single break since BS1 was born.
and not one saingle damn
and not one saingle damn thank you from anybody. like I am supposed to do this? not even DH .
it is HARD doing this crap
it is HARD doing this crap with BS1 too at "my" age. nobody cares so today is going to be the first day that I take care of ME again. I really don't think they care if I am dead or alive.
I agree with you, without
I agree with you, without taking the best care of YOU then your own will not be getting the best iether. Let them all go to hell in a hand basket if they want to! I agree with the poster who said do not be hostage to your caller ID and just say 'no'. If they have the audacity to ask why then tell them that you do not have to justify your actions to them, politely say good bye!
They are using you. Don't
They are using you. Don't allow it anymore. Save your sanity!!
THAT is exactly what I
THAT is exactly what I screamed at DH last night and he went all passive-agressive on me saying that I was blowing everything out of proportion and not to "touch him" and he gave me the silent treatment again, as usual and slept out on the couch.
What is going on? Am I wrong here for being upset? I really need advice!?
I'm trying to0 get my head
I'm trying to0 get my head together today as much as possible having my own BS1 to take care of and TRYING to do these telecommute IT dings, on the side as well.
WHY am I being almost "punished" for voicing myself here? I WATCHED THEIR kid for them and this crap is happening?
The term known as "gaslighting" comes to mind here. Anyone?
Ah yes, you telecommute - I
Ah yes, you telecommute - I do too - that seems to be the golden ticket for, 'well you are at home so you can do ..insert extra duties here ... since you are there'.
Yep - that card gets pulled on me ALL.THE.TIME.
You're not wrong for being
You're not wrong for being upset at all. He's pissed that he can't have his cake and eat it too. You're a built in babysitter for him and he EXPECTS you to take care of his kid. Well, now that you have your own, that kinda takes up your time right?
I'd let him know that you are not going to watch his kid while he's not home, period. You have enough on your plate. If he can't deal with that, he needs to put his big boy pants on! It's HIS kid = HIS problem!
It seems that since our BS1
It seems that since our BS1 was born and really more so when we moved in to this once house of DH AND BM, that it stepped back up. I had it under control, for years and years before.
It feels like a harem here lately.
I'm so confused. How does he
I'm so confused. How does he want to have his cake, and eat it too? What does this man think in his head? Is he delusional?
Personally, as just a reader,
Personally, as just a reader, I think there is a much deeper issue here and all these little things are symptoms. It does seem that little things bother you, and you do a lot of comparing your baby to your 8 year old step and, IMO it is fruitless to compare children with a 7 year age difference when one is an infant.
Think about things in your life. Did you have post partum, do you suffer from depression, or anxiety? These SS/DH issues can worsen any health problems you may have. People can be toxic and bad for your health.
Have you ever read any Joel Olsteen books? Whether you like him or not, his positivity is contagious. You can chose to be happy or chose to be miserable. Life is too short and fragile to be miserable everyday. (Easier said than done I know.)
Because he expects YOU to do
Because he expects YOU to do it all while he and BM do nothing!
I would not spend a second of
I would not spend a second of my life thinking about what BM is doing or not doing. What she is NOT doing is evident every day of my life 24/7. I don't need to think about her. All I can do is worry about my reaction to it and try to control what happens in my own home.
To DH ...Sorry, I will not
To DH ...Sorry, I will not watch your son until he listens to instructions. He can do it at school but not here? That doesn't cut it and you know it. When your son can listen and do as he is told then I will watch him for you.
To SSD: I am sorry, I can't help you.
To BM: Sorry, I am not your unpaid babysitter.
As neither bio parent has
As neither bio parent has uttered one word to SS about listening to my authority here; i.e: DH: "When *I* say you need to be back here in a few minutes, that means a few minutes."
Here is my rendition; " When WE tell you that YOU should be back at blah, blah time and that you are going to be at blah blah; WE mean it OR... You will NOT be able to go out for a week and will not watch TV and will work in the yard."
Yes; that is *MY* way of stopping this- STAT.
Thankfully my BF KNOWS that
Thankfully my BF KNOWS that HIS KID IS HIS PROBLEM...AND ISNT AND NEVER WILL BE MY PROBLEM OR CONCERN...EVER!!! He knows that I CANT STAND his kid and I want no part in anything that has to do with him. So I know he would NEVER ask or expect me to do anything for him. THANK GOD he knows, understands, and respects my feelings and I dont have to do anything for his kid.
I really need
I really need advice!?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The following post is not meant to anger you. I am just trying to help.
Ok…I am going to give you my observation of your situation. Straight from the hip…
Yes…I think you blow a lot of things out of proportion. I think I would have also, but I would not marry/live with DH until SS was much older. I think your conversation with DH should have went as followed and NOTHING else should have been said. (This should not have been a fight).
“DH...I tried to get SS ready in time, but he would not come home when I told him.” That is all that should have been said and done. Nothing more.
I think you should do the following for 2 weeks and see if your marriage improves.
1) Avoid watching SS at all cost.
2) DO NOT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF!! (I can not stress this enough!)
3) Do not say one bad word about SS. (unless he is doing something harmful).
4) Do not say one word about DH’s bad parenting. (come here and tell us.)
5) Disengage as much as you can.
I think you are a good person and I admire that you had a kid, “at your age” lol. But I feel like you are trying to make this a competition between your son and skid and you won’t be happy unless DH tells you that he does not like skid. That is not going to happen.
Sit back and enjoy your kid. Try not to worry about SS so much.
Got it! Thank you, as
Got it! Thank you, as usual... your post did NOT anger me, it helped me. I LOVE HONESTY.
Oh...and start this today.
Oh...and start this today. Let the anger go. When do you get skid again?
I was afraid that if I said
I was afraid that if I said "no!!!" in this type of situation, being caught off guard, I would have looked like a heartless bitch, you know?
I NEEDED a hug! HUGS back !
As Eric Cartman says "RESPECT
As Eric Cartman says "RESPECT MY AUTHORITY" LMAO
Such GREAT advice and support
Such GREAT advice and support here! Thank you guys, so, so much! I'm just up to my eyeballs with these morons and yes, it is getting to me. }:)
The small "stuff" is building up to critical mass and yes, did explode on DH. I'm just sick and tired of everyone coming to me, then turning around and blaming me. I'm NOT his parent here? WTH can't they do their job? To note: I have raised a BS20 already. He turned out a great guy too but knew what I meant when I said whatever to him.
On the mini-"vacation" with bat shit crazy MIL, not even able to get out with DH for 30 mins. alone for a cup of joe or something. Zero help there .
I really think when BS1 was born that I started to "love" SS8 more because he wasw now big brother and am trying waaay to hard to help. SS8 left his bookbag for school here yesterday, it looked like nobody had gone through it in the last week even and ALL of his spelling tests, he failed. grrrrr to his bio parents. Instead of trying to "one-up" each other, how about getting together on your own kid? IQUIT.
As far as when SS8 comes back, the bio parents let him decide when he wants to come over. :?
I've got to let all of this go. It is not healthy.