I am lost as a goose in a hail storm
My SO is fighting for custody of his kids and for this reason, he is not legally divorced yet. The BM has been living with another man for over a year now. She committed adultery and ran off with this man. She was granted the younger children and he the older in a temporary hearing.
He is excited thinking that finally his case will come up and a final decree will be decided. I don't understand why, but he lives in a county just across the state line from me (we live about 30 minutes apart) and he claims that becuase of the custody fight, it is taking a long time, and that divorce cases aren't heard everyday bc it is a small, rural county.
Supposedly, the lawyer for the BM has said that "things are fine the way they are", and she is in no hurry to get the divorce over with. Then I started thinking. She gets a good amount of child support becuase my SO is pretty well off for where he lives. If the custody is all said and done, and he wins, she loses that. She does not work and I guess counts on that for her "income"
I am divorced myself, but my divorce was a cake walk compared to this. There was never a battle for custody of our one child. We made a list, split everything up, went iin the lawyers and signed....Done deal.....
My question is this......Can she stall the divorce and force him to stay married? Is there a point in time where teh courts will decide the issue with or without her enthusiastic participation. Can one spouse hold another one hostage I guess is what I am asking......
Wow...amazing. I truly
Wow...amazing. I truly believe the kids would be better off with him, but its not up to me to decide. Thanks for your advice. In a way, I feel guilty for seeing a "married" man. I know he isn't really "married" anymore,and she has a live in lover.
I told him that I would not be a live in. We are both Christians and dont want to go that route. Also, with the horror stories I read on here and stories of friends, we are considering waiting until my son (middle school) graduates to marry should it get to that. That may sound crazy, but by then, he will have two left at home and I will have none. I love children, but I see what problems arise when trying to blend families..
Maybe she's trying to stall
Maybe she's trying to stall the divorce so she can collect from his social security when she's old? hmmm 10yrs and she gets to collect...freaking ex-wives draining our social security too! argh!
My divorce took ages, but
My divorce took ages, but that's because my ex was receiving military benefits and didn't want to lose them once the divorce was processed. We didn't even have children or common assets!
It's uncommon for people to do it, but hang in there. Some people just hold on for dear life just for money. Don't let it bother you too much. Stres alone can be taxing and a judge will eventually put an end to it!
Only if he tolerates it. He
Only if he tolerates it. He can force the issue and stay on top of her and the courts to get the divorce and custody issues concluded.
Often complacency is the delay. It was in the case of my wife as far as pushing the issues with my SS-20's SpermClan. She was concerned about irritating the SpermClan and causing my son (SS) issues during SpermClan visitation. So she avoided dealing with the issues of countering their toxic crap in court.
Finally after a couple of years I pointed out that they were still loading SS up with their toxic crap even when she was playing nice nice with them. So, she finally put on her ass kicking footwear and kicked their asses firmly and regularly for the remainder of the Custody/Visitation/Support CO.
For background info, she and I married when SS was 1yo and we dealt with a CO for 17 years. The shit never goes away. This is particularly so when your SO does not deal with it aggressively and promptly.
All in my experience of course.
Good luck.
Husband can force the issue.
Husband can force the issue. Keeping a log of everything he's done to move things along and how she has refused to co-operate. Judges aren't stupid and they've experienced or heard of people doing stuff like this. If the husband asks the court to move things along they will.