I feel horrible right now, as if I could throw up. When I get hurt or if I'm in pain, I've always been the type to withdraw from everyone, especially from the people who have hurt me the most. In this case, my husband and step kids. It's a really long story about how we got to where we are now, but the gist of it is that I've sacrificed more than anyone would know for this family and his kids... well... maybe some of you would know. When we got married, his kids were very young. The oldest was 6. We had them half of the time and I loved them and was always heavily involved in everything they did. We had such awesome times together and I loved it. However, I'm sort of burned out now and I think it's because over the years, my husband has always stiffled my (emotional) needs for the sake of the kids. He over did it. I believe that we are very good parents to all of our kids. We did more for them and with them and considered their needs more than anyone I have ever known. It was excessive but I went with it because they were little etc. at the time, but now they are 14, 16 & 17 He never wanted me to address anything with the kids that could potentially impact them negatively, therefore anytime something bothered me, I had to suck it up and forget about it instead of just having a conversation with the kids or kid to understand what they were thinking at the time etc. What is wrong with having a conversation even if it is a little distressing? It's a part of life. Things outside of the home will never be as gentle as we are. Life is full of tough things to consider and to deal with.

Anyhow to my point, things have transpired and I feel hurt and as if I can't trust that my husband is ever going to give me straight answers or have my back. I feel defeated and I only make things worse because I am not pleasant when I'm hurting. I don't want to talk to anyone nor say hi. I just go straight to my bedroom and shut the door. When someone does talk to me, I can't bring myself to say anything nicely. I know I am hurting the people around me, but I am who I am and that's how I deal with my pain. I have pushed everyone so far away from me and I know it which makes me sick to my stomach. I don't know how to get things back to good with me anymore. Is this what burnout is? Any advice?