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Is This Right?

Hopeforme's picture

Submitted by Hopeforme on Wed, 08/15/2012 - 9:55pm

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General Discussion

At times, when we are dealing with my skids, my husband refuses to make a decision (committment) to me, on something now because things may change in the future and I will make it incredibly difficult for him to change his mind when additional information or things change in the future. Is that odd? I was always under the impression that that is what couples do. They discuss things and decide. I'm just not used to "leaving the door open" so to speak. Sure things may change, but then we discuss it again at the later date to see if it makes sense to change our minds. It comes across to me as wanting the flexibility to make what decisions he wants without having to deal with me.

BuffaloGal's picture

Submitted by BuffaloGal on Wed, 08/15/2012 - 10:12pm

Oh, I hear you! I HATE not having reservations! I've been in the situation ONCE of driving for miles looking for a motel because DH didn't realize that Labor Day weekend in a tourist area might be a busy time for bookings. NEVER again.

Hopeforme's picture

Submitted by Hopeforme on Thu, 08/16/2012 - 6:53am

A specific example is my ss has only been driving one year and he is 17. In this past year, he has had 3 accidents and 1 speeding ticket. I have a strong opinion that we should not carry his insurance given these facts. My husband and I discussed this and he wouldn't agree to not insuring him. He said it's tough making decisions now when he doesn't know what things will be in the future. This upsets me because if I apply this logic to other situations like making decisions at work or even marriage, then how do you do anything?

This is not the only time he has done this. It is usually done on topics relating to the kids. I can give unlimited examples. I definitly feel that I'm being stifled emotionally and on specific decision making for his kids. The worst part about it is that I walk away always feeling beat down so on the next occassion, I demand respect and to give my input and it just makes things worse.

Hopeforme's picture

Submitted by Hopeforme on Thu, 08/16/2012 - 8:27am

Thanks for the feedback. It helps to talk about these things.

StepAside, I think you are correct. I think he does things out of guilt. I just wish he would talk to me about it. He refuses to acknowledge anything that remotely appears to be guilt related. Since the beginning, he won't talk openly about his feelings because he says that I get upset etc. and it's impossible to have a conversation about the kids with me, but I believe that it's his way of avoiding any conversation about the kids. I think he purposefully makes that claim and blames me for his inability to communicate with me about decisions related to the kids because it makes it easier for him to make unilateral decisions.

AlreadyGone's picture

Submitted by AlreadyGone on Thu, 08/16/2012 - 10:18am

This was a bad sign for my marriage. This happened all the time especially in the beginning. Eventually, he would simply tell me he agreed with me and then would do what he wanted anyway. It got to the point that he started doing things without talking to me at all. I'm sure I don't even know half of what's truly gone on. It was always my fault too. He 'couldn't talk to me b/c I would get upset.' NO, I wouldn't give the little snots everything they wanted. It's a form of blame-shifting I think. StepAside is right. Guilty daddy's do what's easy instead of doing what's right. Classic. :sick: