extra activities
Ok, here's the quick info. Bm and dh have 50/50 split. Their co states that extra activites are supposed to be discussed and cost is to be split. It also states that neither parent is to set an activity on the other parents time, without a discussion/agreement first.
Bm, for the past three years has not followed that agreement at all. There's absolutely no discussion about any aspect of the activities until after everything is set and the kids are all excited. Activities (cheerleading and soccer) have been set on dhs time, and have become his financial responsibility as she backs out part of the way through and throws their 'sadness' on dh. (Its cost us over $2500 for activities that we never agreed to or really could afford) Dh has said it will not happen again.
Because of the schedule that is set in the CO, at some point each month, said activities will be on dhs time. Since its his time and he works during that time, it will then become my responsibility, which is frustrating, as it takes HOURS of my time without any consideration for my schedule. I don't want to be selfish, but I also don't want to be a doormat. I don't want to be the evil stepmom that I am starting to resemble.
Dad needs to have his
Dad needs to have his attorney write her a letter stating that if she schedules activities during his time without consulting him he will not onlly not help pay but he will ask the court to find her in criminal contempt of the courts order.
That's usually enough.
A frank and truthful discussion with the children is in order explaining the facts of financial life. They're old enough to play soccer they're old enough to understand that their parents must be in agreement as to how its going to be paid for. This pre-emptive strike against future activities will get back to Mom and strengthen the attorneys letter.
Bif, Bam and if necessary the Pow of actually asking for criminal action should she disregard the obvious.
It was specifically addressed
It was specifically addressed in yet another agreement, but it has done nothing to deter her sabotage.
The kids have been spoken to about it for the last two years, when we were debating the cost. However, she tells them that because he's not paying child support anymore there's no reason he can't afford it (fyi, we live within our means, no credit cards unlike BM) and we do have some extra money.
However, we like to do interactive activities with them over paying for them to do something without us. This will change, I'm sure, as they get older. We believe that its the time spent with them that matters, not the activities we pay for them to do.
Well, OCC really pulled it
Well, OCC really pulled it out of his hat this time and is right on the money. She needs to know you and DH will not put up with this. And you and DH need to stick to your guns and not give in. That is really the only thing that works.
Mazzy Her idea of a
Mazzy
Her idea of a discussion is "I think it would be nice to do x, y, and z. I'm checking into it." DH hasn't objected, as that's not really a plan or discussion. Yet, after all we have had to pay and explain, we're back at the beginning again.
Last year, there was an actual discussion about money, transportation, responsibility--and three weeks in, after not paying a dime for cheerleading (an expensive activity), she back out completely, and we were left with all the activity responsibilities, including the $1000 cost. That's when dh said no more.
I've asked him to talk to her, but he doesn't see the point. She's going to do what she wants, regardless of anything 'discussed.'(which I know is true). I guess it can't hurt to send another email to be ignored, but id really like a workable situation, where we all behave like adults and can keep the girls best interest in mind.
I know this is a really tough
I know this is a really tough situtation and I can relate somewhat. My Husband pays my SD's BM $550.00 a month in child support for example.....and SD never see's any of it. BM always complains that she's broke and has no money and for the first two years after the divorce had my Husband buy all of my SD's school clothes, school supplies, EVERYTHING even though that's what the child support was for and would tell my SD that if she didn't have what she needed it was her Dad's fault!!
This is when I had to step in and play the Evil Stepmother! I know it's hard but we as the wive's need to step in ourselves sometimes, lay out some rules and guidelines and even ultimatums to our spouse if he doesn't stop going along with things and allowing himself and YOU to get walked all over and used. In my case I just honestly told my husband how I felt about the situtation, pointed out some aspects that were really wrong and explained why and thankfully he saw the light and stopped going along with it!
same situation at my house we
same situation at my house we pay same support you do plus skid is with us alot and we spend money on her when she is at our place, take her on trips, ect, but all extra sports and actives BM must pay for she gets CS for it plus she is responible to pay for her kid too. it is my belief that both parent are resposbile 50/50 for kids needs and if we give 550 a month then BM can contribute 550 a month too and dont tell me 1 kid cost 1100.00 a month to take care of.... i have two of my own and i know what i spend a month on them. i know they claim support goes to rent ,food ,ect but BM has to pay rent or mortgage if kid is there or not.. my house payment would not be any less or any more w/ or w/o kids therefore i do not feel my kids bio father should be responible for my house payment or even part of it cause his kids live with me.