I'm so f-ing pissed right now! I want to quit!!!! HELP!!!!
OMG! So, today my DH was supposed to be coming home to bring me the car seat cuz I had my 39 week check up at OB. I asked DH if he could stay here and watch DD while I go to the apt (should only be about 30 minutes that I'll be gone) he say's "Oh no, I wont have time for that" I Say ok then I'll just take her with me...not exactly easy having a 2 year old in the doctors office while doctor is checking my cervix but whatever, I'll figure it out! So it's getting closer and closer to the apt time and I need to be leaving and he's still not home...I call him he doesn't answer. He calls my back to tell me that SD10 & BM have been calling and texting him, blowing his phone up. BM called and texted to tell him that SD got her results back from doc and they've diagnosed her with depression and ADHD (which I've been saying she has for years)BM ask via text if he can meet her and SD for lunch. DH replies No. Then BM has SD call DH...SD is "upset" with her diagnosis and want's to talk to daddy about it. SD wants DH to meet her and BM right then for lunch. Want DH to drop everything he's doing and meet them for lunch! So DH says OK!!!! He calls me as I'm on my way to the OB apt to tell me hes going to have lunch with BM & SD! I was fucking pissed! First of all we get her tomorrow, there's no reason at all they can't talk about it then. Second of all they're excluding me which is ALWAYS BM's plan and DH lets it happen! So he can't come with me to the OB but he can take over an hour to go to lunch and discuss her diagnosis. So finally after he's been away from work for 2 HOURS (when he couldn't take 30min for me and DD) he replies to my text and says he's done. I Called him. Said so...what was the big deal? What did you discuss? He said "SD wanted to talk to me about whether or not she should take medications, I informed her as I have in the past there are other options that she should look into" THAT'S IT?!? That couldn't have possibly waited until tomorrow when we get her???? I said this is fucking bullshit. SD & BM are playing games and doing everything they can to exclude me all the time and you're allowing it to happen! That's not ok. He gets all pissy and defensive AS ALWAYS! Is yelling at me, turning it around on me, saying how I'm making this all about me and its not! I said this is about the fact that BM is ALWAYS talking shit about me to SD, and SD is always lieing to you about me and talking about me behind my back, doesn't respect me, wants to exclude me and does everything in her power to do so and you do NOTHING about it! I'm so fucking sick of this bullshit. How is it not my place to know what's going on with her ADHD/depression? I'm around her just as much as you are when we have her! She's in OUR house! Her behavior effects OUR family & lives! 2 weeks ago when BM wanted DH to go to the doctor with her to discuss SD diagnosis, DH said I had a right to be there and IF he went I would be going to. He told me he was going to talk to BM and tell her that I'm his wife/sd step mom and I am just as involved as they are. BUT NOW, just weeks later he's off to lunch with them? DH says it's my fault SD has these feeling about me and I"m the only one that can fix them. I said that's bullshit too, YOU as her DAD need to talk to her and teach her she needs to respect me. Teach her that I'M her step mom, I'm YOUR WIFE! Confront her about her lies she says about me to him, call her on it, teach her that's not ok!
I'm so fucking sick of this. I'm so sick of BM manipulating SD & DH against me and DH letting it happen. I'm so sick of SD excluding me and DH letting it happen too! Then he expects me to be all lovey dovey with her when shes around?!!! Act like things are all hunkey-dorey. FUCK THAT! I think i'm just going to ignore her when she's here. I don't know what else to do. I've tried everything!!!! I haven't done anything expect in the past (which ended in DECEMBER) I was the ONLY one that parented this child. I didn't let the little princess get away with all her bullshit behaviors...which caused her to not like me.
What do I do? The little princess comes over tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG! I can't believe he went
OMG! I can't believe he went to lunch with BM and SD and the outcome was nothing ground breaking. If I was you I would completely disengage from SD, look after your own child and let him deal with SD's bullshit. Also just be distant polite but formal with him and he may get the hint. Perhaps you could even say that his behaviour has made you realise that his current family are a non priority and its making you think if you went it alone he would perhaps devote more time to DD, but does he really want to have a 2nd broken family behind him?
what would you say? you said
what would you say? you said there's so much you would say right now.... let me hear it!
I felt the same way Dondiva!
I felt the same way Dondiva! What the F? he needs a reality check!
woman, you need to start putting yourself first. (and get a second car seat!)
Tell him that the sd has
Tell him that the sd has problems with you because she sees the way he treats you. I can only imagine it's not much different when she is around. When he tells you no, then turns around and tells them yes, doesn't that kinda show you where you stand? I'd be more pissed about that than them meeting without you. I would be LIVID. As a matter of fact, I dealt with that same kind of bullshit and dumped the idiot who was doing it to me. Sorry that you are kinda in it for the long haul, but all I can say is to focus on YOUR kids and don't worry about the happy couple (your dh and his little wifey sd).
YES to this! That is the bit
YES to this! That is the bit that made my blood boil for you OP.
That he could spare hours for something so non-important that could have waited til the normal visit tomorrow but wouldn't spare any time for you for something IMPORTANT!
The child has issues with you because YOU parent her, as you say.
why the fuck would anyone
why the fuck would anyone sign up for this? and stay around! I'm so fucking pissed! i was shaking at the ob apt! it totally tells me where i stand!!!! what do i do? this HAS to change and i need to get that across to him!
oh and the best part was when
oh and the best part was when he called me names! then ignored me, then called back and said i have 7 minutes to talk... he talked over me the whole time and hung up at the time limit!
Oh, I hate him, that ugly
Oh, I hate him, that ugly snail!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my mom came over with 2
my mom came over with 2 minutes notice, i was late to apt cuz this! dh just text me and told me to " drop it, and support him for once" i said fuck you, all i do is support you, when/ how do you EVER support me? he doesn't even have a talk with sd when she lies about me to him! he doesn't say anything to her when she disrespects me IN FRONT OF HIM!!! that's somehow my fault too?
That sounds like a reasonable
That sounds like a reasonable reply to his whining.
When SO has made me feel like this, I disengaged from him. Let him deal with not having me around or know what I'm doing. He seems to straighten up a bit when I remind him in this way. I just wouldn't tell him my next OB appt. If he was so worried about it, he would have gone to this one.
I agree with HH. Can you go
I agree with HH. Can you go to your mom's or somewhere and just take a few days away? Manage to have stuff to do when skid comes over? Just disengage with them both. If I even take a walk around the block during an argument DH settles down and apologizes, then we work it out. Sounds like yours needs a bigger reminder as he sounds like a giant dick.
I'd point out there is a reason he divorced BM and as his current wife you either come first or you don't stick around at all.
What a shitty situation. I'm so sorry!
OMG, Buzy, HUGS!! May his
OMG, Buzy, HUGS!! May his soft spine curl like an ugly snail in embarressment!!!!!
I can't believe he let's you down like this again.Of course BM is using SD to create this drama, as she smells that DH would be needed at home these days before the baby comes.But your stupid husband should not do any of those things she suggests.I also can't believe that him and SD have an urgent discussion about if she should take medication or not.This is all so wrong.
Y0ur husband has really no clue how to treat his daughter age appropriate and is completely manipulated by BM.
Let's face it, the outcome of that appointment didn't require any urgent talks or actions from his side.
What gets me so much is, that he still blames his 39 week pregnant wife to not support HIM.Buzy, he is a tough one!
I don't even know what to say anymore.I feel so sorry for you.I think I would now disengage with SD I think and explain it to him in a quite minute.Though I feel that he really doesn't get anything.
I agree with newwife, please make sure you have additional support for the birth.
Stay strict and strong like always, buzy, we are all here for your support!!
dh and bm were never married,
dh and bm were never married, she tried trapping him into staying with her and it didn't work... but hey, he still lets her control him and manipulate him so i guess in a way she won.
I'm so fucking done with this routine! now its the usual him "working late" not responding, keeping $, not seeing dd before she goes to bed because we're fighting. I'm so done! fuck this! he doesn't care what i say, how i feel, what i think! it's bullshit! sd always comes first, even before his 39 week pregnant wife! now this will be drug out for at least the weekend while sd here! they'll be all buddy buddy, sd will know we're fighting and she will be happy cuz she will have daddy all to herself! this has been going on way to long! and every time he turns it around on me!!!! NO MATTER WHAT I DO I'M THE BAD GUY!
How old is SD?? There's no
How old is SD?? There's no way in HELL my DH would be meeting with BM. At all. There's no need for it. They are not parents "together" anymore. As a matter of fact--- YOU and he are the parents in YOUR HOUSE. He should have talked to SD with YOU. What an ass!!! It doesn't sound like he really cares how this makes you feel, or like hes going to change at all. So I think you need to make a big impact to get your point across. Leave his ass!!! Even if just temporary. Go stay at your moms till after the baby is born.
I would NOT put up with that shit. Ever.
YOU DESREVE BETTER.
it's all games and bullshit.
it's all games and bullshit. sd10 said "i really like having lunch with you and mommy, we should do it more often"! dh said he tried to include me, but sd said she only wants it to be bm & dh. i asked dh, wtf do you think you're teaching her by allowing her to exclude me and going out with the two of them?!! he says sd needed me so I'm going to be there for her. well I'm going to explain non of this is acceptable...i will not be nice and lovely dovey with sd ANYMORE! dh can explain to her when your mean and disrespectful to people this is what happens....THEY need to make this better, i quit!
SD seems to indulge so much
SD seems to indulge so much into that power she has been given.I cant believe how stupid your DH is, allowing her to decide if you should be coming or not.
Do husbands ever say sorry? i
Do husbands ever say sorry? i mean ya for some little things here and there that aren't really a big deal the do, but when it comes to the big things my DH never says sorry! most the time our fight ends after a week long of bullshit, us ignoring each other... then ignoring the original issue just to move on and be cival again. i could be having our baby any day now which should be a joyous occasion, but as things stand right now i don't even want him in there! for a change, i really need him to apologize, hear me out, come to an agreement to solve this problem, and MOVE THE FUCK ON! I mean fuck it's gonna take me days to warm up to him after that happens (if that happens) come on dude!!!
fuck this! dh just had the
fuck this! dh just had the balls to tell me he has nothing to apologize to me about for these past two days of fighting! for the past two days EVERY time we've talked he's done nothing but talk over me, yell at me, and tell me how things are going to be! on top of that called me a "c#*t ass bitch" he said he doesn't have to say sorry cuz it's ok he called me that because that's what i was being! fuck all of this! I'm literally having his baby any day (dilated to 3) and he says it's ok to treat me like this?!?! I'm so done! no wonder he has no problem with bm & sd treating me like shit, he does too! i don't even want him in the room when i have the baby! but he is my husband, and besides these blended family issues were great together! i know I'm more emotional right now, but really?! he says he has nothing to say sorry about?
Wow. And he's still walking
Wow. And he's still walking around with both kneecaps intact? Wow.
How can you be "great
How can you be "great together" with a man who thinks it is OK to call. you a C ass bitch? This man has zero respect for you
^^this^^
^^this^^
I'm starting to doubt
I'm starting to doubt everything now. this is so eye opening it's scary!
ya i fought too, I'm not
ya i fought too, I'm not perfect, but i don't call him names, yell and talk over him. and i even said sorry for fighting!!! he said nothing back, that's when i asked him why and he said he hasn't done anything wrong!!!!
You have a bigger issue here.
You have a bigger issue here. Then what you keep repeating about DH letting SD& BM manipulating him. Look I'm not trying to be harsh or make you feel any worse then what you feel already. But STOP blaming BM or SD for your fights with DH. It's your marriage that's weak & when your marriage is weak the fucking dog can come between you two. Another issue talking to this man won't do you any good or disengaging from SD or DH. You are being emotionally & verbally abused by your husband & that is very serious!!!!! You guys need professional help at this point. STOP getting yourself worked up for the sake of your unborn child. I know it's HARD!!!! But what is more important DH & SD & BM right now or your unborn child???? Yeah your BABY!!! So do him a potentially life saving favor & calm down breath & concentrate on your health for your baby!!!! He deserves it!!!! If I were you, I would move my DD & I to my moms until after the baby is born. Give DH a good scare. If he loves you he will get a huge reality check & will be begging you to come back blah blah blah... If he doesn't then you know where you stand & it's not worth the fight. But if he begs you to come back give one condition that you & him attend martal counceling & domestic abuse education classes. Because y'all need them!!!! Both of you are apperantly clueless about the emotional & verbal abuse you have been suffering not to mention your 2 year old!!!! Do you have any idea of the devistating affects children experience growing up in an abusive relationship???? Look it up! I know I grew up in one & I'm 25 now & still struggling with internal demons. Your daughter may appear to not be affect by it but trust me she is experiencing your anxiety & so is your UNBORN CHILD!!!!
Please!!!! For the sake of your children get out get away & seek professional help!!!!
Marital counseling*
Marital counseling*
Buzy, HUGS, but maneater is
Buzy, HUGS, but maneater is 100% right.This is abuse and can't be tolerated.And what a shit timing.Buzy, if you can do what maneater suggests and stay with your mom for a few days to prepare for the babys birth.You need to set a limit to this, your husband doesn't even get that he did do anything wrong and behaves like an asshole.Let us know what is happening!!xx
it would be so much easier to
it would be so much easier to go stay at my parents if i wasn't having a baby any day now!!! ugh! plus I'm not a huge fan in bringing them into issues.... especially with baby coming! they would totally be pissed at dh & the last thing i need is it to be akward at the hospital! I'm so trapped! i feel so stupid for thinking things have been so great with us lately. I'm so hurt. I'm so disgusted with dh. i don't know what to do! somehow he has to get that this isn't ok. i think deep down he knows how stupid he's being, but his huge ego is in his way!!!
Can you stay with them
Can you stay with them without telling them the whole story? You need to be in a safe, stress-free environment for your baby (and your toddler). Don't ever feel trapped. Women put up with way too much when they think they are trapped.
I've dealt with so much of
:? I've dealt with so much of that! I've started as of last week letting my life revolve around me and my son. Him, his kids, his ex, and his family can have a great time together.
This year I stopped doing the shopping for him on sk birthdays, stopped organizing parties for SK, and stopped basing my family life around SK and BM. I've stopped asking if SK will be involved.
I NEVER EVER thought it would be this way!
DH said sorry!!! let me sleep
DH said sorry!!! let me sleep in, took care of DD2 all morning, and when i got up said " I'm sorry for being such a dick & sorry i called you names... you don't deserve that and i don't think that of you and it was NOT ok!" i said thank you! it's gonna take a while to get all fuzzy again, but at least that's a step in the right direction
still have lots of issues to fix, but for the time being I'm gonna focus on having this baby & DD2!