Dealing with a BM who thinks money grows on trees!
Ok, so I'm new to this site. I've been married to my DH for 7 years, we have no kids together but I have 2 Skids. We get them during summer visits which is nice. Recently, the BM thinks that she can sign the Skids up for anything and then hand us half the bill with no discussion about if we can even afford it! I'm all for extracurriculars but when you drop $300 on an activity and then they stop going after 2 months and we hear from the Skid that they aren't going anymore! WTH!! This happens all the time! So tonight the DH calls Skids and talks to BM about the summer visit. BM states that the Skids are going to start another extracurricular next year and it's $1200 per kid!! WTH! We pay enough in CS and my SS is getting braces! When I ask DH why he didn't say "We (as in him and me) need to talk about it before saying ok to BM?" Now I'm the bad guy. I try to explain to DH that I'm always the afterthought even though I help financially support the Skids. There is just silence, I've started thinking about divorce more and more lately, not sure I can keep going like this. SS11 and SD9 are far from grown up. So frustrated!
My DH is gone a lot because of work and when DH is unreachable that’s when BM calls me...all of a sudden I'm visible again!! But I only exist when DH is unreachable and BM wants something...usually money! Is this common issue for others? DH is leaving again soon for a long time and I'm seriously thinking about leaving. I feel like I have no say with Skids even though I watch them when they are here for summer visits.
If your DH is not including
If your DH is not including you in financial decisions, then tell him you will no longer contribute financially toward his children. I assume you work, which is why you say you contribute. Put your money in a separate account and split bills. When bills are due simply inform him that he has until X date to pay you or you will remove the amount from his account. You do not have a responsibility to his children and if he doesn't plan on asking you about YOUR money then you don't need to spend it on his kids. If this is not possible, I know for some people it simply isn't, then whatever amount he dishes out for his kids, you take the same amount and spend it on something for yourself or for the house. Want some new shoes? Need new guest towels? Get them. If he has a problem w you spending this money w out discussing it w him, let him know you have a problem w him spending money on his kids w out discussing it and if he can spend money frivolously so can you!
I still can't get past why
I still can't get past why you guys give more money on top of child support??? BM tries to ask DH all the time for more money, but we never give her anything. We feel like if BM can't afford SS1 & needs more money on top of child support, then she shouldn't have the privilege of having him full time. Hand him over, we can take care of him just fine without any help from you. But thats just me...
Thank you both for the
Thank you both for the comments! The Skids live across the country from us so we agree to pay half of activities since we don't get them every other weekend, we only get them during summer visits, their christmas break isn't long enough to fly them out for a week (cost is way to much). My main issue is spending $1200 for a sport activity! That's plane ticket money for their summer visit. My DH finally apologized last night about his behavior and said he would discuss with BM that since we pay for plane tickets to get Skids to us that we can't afford $1200 for sport activities. But it states in the court documents that the sport activity has to be within financial reason...at this point I'm about to pull everyone back out and start emailing her the paperwork again! Just can't stand that she signs them up and expects half of it before asking if we can afford it.