Feel Overwhelmed
Ladies I need your help I am feeling very overwhelmed for awhile now and I am
not sure how or what I should share with the SO. I love him so very much and we
will be married in about 3 months but I am not sure I am doing the right think
at times. Let me share with you my thoughts.
1. History: he is a widower of about 7 and half years and he has a daughter from
a previous relationship they both loved her. They where only married a few weeks
over a year when her death was a shock she wasnt sick had a common surgery the
day before and just died about 37 hours later. There total relationship was
about 3 years.
2. When I moved it her ashes (urn) was out for everyone to see in the living
room there was a picture of each of her three kids (from her first marriage)and
things that they made for my SO on the walls in the living room.
3. SO hasnt seen the kids in 7 years now for reasons out of his control, he
didnt want to take the pictures down when I moved it but he did but they where
at first put up in the dining room in the china cabinet with the ashes, but when
he realized that we need it as a china cabinet more he said he would put them
away, but then one day I was informed that he did that only so we would not
fight about them going in another room again. Which I dont get why would this be
my fault
4. I personally have tried to talk about this with him and it seems like he
doesnt seem to understand that I dont want to be living in the memory of a died
woman's life. If the kids where active in his life I could understand why the
pictures would be out these are the only pictures he has of them so put them in
a safe place like an album.
5. why is it so hard for me to explain to him that if he doesnt want to hear
about my past late husband (I have the photos of him in an ablum in a safe
place)I dont make him live in it so why should I.
Ladies help me out I need help with wording this to him and as well as working
through this.
I don't see why there is a
I don't see why there is a problem with his kids pictures? I think its unreasonable to expect him to just put them completely out of his life. Let him pretend they're his happy family if it pleases him. If I were him I would put them in the den but I'm not in his position to know what its like.
how does wanting the pictures
how does wanting the pictures taken down equate to wanting them completely out of his life? it sounds like they already are out of his life, anyway. that's quit a big leap for you to come to that conclusion.
there not his kids they where
there not his kids they where hers from her first marriage
I also married a widower. He
I also married a widower. He had been married for 28 years and has 2 daughters who were 13 and 9 when their mother died suddenly. We have been married for over a year now. It has been an adjustment for all of us, especially the girls. I have made a lot of changes to the house, but have left up a couple of pictures of their mother for their sake. I am now at the point where I am going to take the last 2 pictures down and give them to the girls to put in their room.
My husband didn't get it at first. He thought I would want to come in and have no problem. He was deeply wrong. It was very hard on me because I was constantly reminded of a ghost. I still do not feel as if it's my home. I feel like an unwelcome guest.
In your case, your husband was married for a very short period of time. He has placed her memories on a pedestal and she will remain there for a very long time. Ask him how he would feel if he was constantly reminded of someone that you use to love. It may not be the same, but maybe he will get the idea of what it is like for you.
As for me, my husband is getting better. I have done a lot of redecorating and slowly putting ME into the home. That may help you as well. Start putting YOUR touches into the home and eventually there will be less and less of her. OR move into a neutral home where you both can start fresh.
Good luck
OH I do know what it is like
OH I do know what it is like to lose someone my first husband I lost over 18 years ago along with our foster son they where killed in a car accident. I have redecorated most of the house now the pictures and the urn our put away but I get blamed for the pictures not being out. He said he did it so that there was no fighting. I do feel like an unwelcome guest in the house to still I have lived here for about 7 months now. I have tried to explain the some to him how would he feel he agrees with the urn but not the pictures.
why do you say that?
why do you say that?