Facebook war when a spouse dies
I just came across the open to public Facebook page of some people. Shocking to me how some people can air their drama for the world to see.
Between all the curse words toward the deceased husbands newer wife of nearly 10 years, and the various comments from "friends" about how they would like to help get her and "likes" on each comment, my head is reeling.
The man was apparently destitute, his wife was taking care of him as he slowly died of cancer. She was the age of his children and nothing she did or did not do was good enough. Finally gets to the point that the deceased man's ex wife and her children seemed to feel they were in charge and making demands about everything. Present wife was said to have the "brain of a mushroom"
The day after announcing that there would be a memorial service, posting a time and place it was replaced with a new posting. Seems the new wife was not letting them have the ashes, removed them all from her Facebook, and was no longer having contact.
This did make me wonder how many on step talk have encountered this type of craziness with badmouthing and posting at the most vulnerable time of a spouses death. There was not one bad comment or acknowledgement of the cutting remarks from the wife.
I did silently cheer for her when I read that the memorial was cancelled and she refused to give the people cutting her down any attention or ashes.
I can say one thing ~
I can say one thing ~ someone's passing brings out the weirdest in people. Things you'd never dream they would say or do. It's horrible.
I myself had my husbands god mother say the most horrendous thing to me ~ right before I was about to explain to my children that their father had passed away. I just wanted to get my kids and leave. How dare you ?? How dare you comment on things you know nothing of ?? How dare you critism me ~ I just lost my husband. These are things I will never forget n this church going woman to me is such a fraud. You attacked me ~ grieving yes we all are but your words like daggers.
I don't particularly care for my fathers wife ~ but I respected her enough to have a relationship with her.
My husband passed away n then 6 months later my father passed away ~ I m not close to her at this time in my life.
But I would never beraid her on social media for all to see. I have my own thoughts of her that I keep private.
I have been blasted on FB twitter whatever else there is ~ this I can not understand. You has to post it out there for all to see for what reason ??? To grow your army ??? Does it make you feel better ?? Stop acting like you are 12 .... Completely immature.
I hope and pray she find peace in her heart !
Absolutely true notams,
Absolutely true notams, however, people in that position ask for help, or accept it when offered. The case with step situations is often far different. The spouse is ready, willing and able to handle things, WANTS to handle things, but the steps bully, their way in. They don't ask, how can we help. They say, this was my dad, we are doing it this way, you spouse have no say, daddy is dead, you are nothing. Hardly the same as supporting a grieving spouse and helping them through a heart rending time. The grieving spouse is however expected to cover all costs.
When my husband passed away ~
When my husband passed away ~ I was not in a financial state to pay for a 15k funeral. My mil SIL n BIL all went together to make arrangement ~ we all had a say. My mil n I agreed on everything ~ thank god. When it came to the casket ~ I could NOT bring myself to even eyeball a casket. My world had crumbled ~ I wasn't suppose to be arranging a funeral at 41.
My SIL paid ~ gave the bill to my Dad who paid n then I paid my father. It was a whirlwind n I decided to celebrate my husband life. Instead of the morbid funeral ~ we all told funny stories about my husband. My two young daughters 14 n 12 got up on front of everyone n told their funny story about Daddy as I sat in that fucking ugly club chair n listened so intently n relished how brave they were. They were my grace of god that day. My father god rest his soul ~ was my constant my rock ~ my shoulder to cry on. My hero.
And that Enuff is family
And that Enuff is family That is how it should be, unfortunately all too often it is not. Sorry for your loss. Imam very glad you had such wonderful support around you at that time. Again, as it should he with family. All the best to your and your children.
If my husband were to die
If my husband were to die first I would have a private funeral and only those who care and respected him while he was alive would be told. His children, sisters and father, should his father still be living, will not know. They have driven him into a state of nervous anxiety, they know he has a personality disorder and he suffers depression, they know he is under the care of a psychologist, but still they push and guilt and demand he perform like their puppet. Facebook is dangerous, well that's not true, people using it willy nilly and with no thought to the potential effect, or perhaps no care of the potential harmful, hurtful effect it may have on others can make it a dangerous place. This friends of friends stuff reveals things people are trying to hide. That being said it enlightened me inadvertently last week. My husband oldest child and only son in his Italian family was not told let alone invited to his nieces wedding 2 months ago, he was not told his nephews wife had another child 5 months ago. This was all posted on a cousins page. My husbands family do not care enough to tell him of important family events, but they have plenty of time to demand he do this or that. Guess they know he has a lot of free time on his hands because he has no "family" events to attend does he.
Blood is not family.
My husbands family choose to ignore his illness. They like my husband appear to be unable to love each other faults and all. So they pretend there is no tension in the family, that there is no mental illness in the family, that no one in the family speaks with forked tongue. They deny anything other than perfection in each other. That it seems is the only way they can accept each other. That is not family. Family see your flaws and love you anyway. Family see your difficulties and support you, not pretend there's nothing wrong with you so the family can look united in front of the Italian community in your town. I think my husbands family would rather see him dead than admit mental illness exists. I will not give them that sense of relief that he is dead and cannot shame them anymore. Family is blood, but there is such a thing as bad blood. Bad blood can kill you.
I am jaw dropping appalled at
I am jaw dropping appalled at some of the things I have seen on FB. Some people are absolutely nuts.
I used to post, when I was
I used to post, when I was "still" a SM. Not sure if anyone remembers me.
Not a spousal situation, but...
My SD's death has been downright glamorized all over FB. First there was a Salem Witch Hunt, (where they accused innocent people), then there was a "woe is me"...and finally, there was, and continues to be a "please donate" campaign... all at the fingers of her BM's family.
We had to fight to be included in her obituary. We were intentionally left out at first publication.
I suppose if you look at with the attitude that you've always done right, you should be able to do right again and find forgiveness in your heart for these types of things.
But damn. That's real hard to do.
When my father died, my
When my father died, my mother quietly handled everything. My dad had two previous children from an earlier marriage who attended and participated, along with their mother. There were no hard feelings, just a lot of people grieving a very loved man.
When my mother died 3 months later, the drama started. My two oldest half sisters disappeared. My mother's brothers and sisters (9 of them), and my grandmother, descended upon my house staking their claim in everything we owned. My grandmother literally took family pictures off of our walls. My aunt took food from our freezer. Another aunt took winter coats to give to her kids. An uncle tried to take our vacuum cleaner, at which point my brother finally stood up and shooed them all away. I guess they didn't realize WE were still very much alive and living in our home.
None of them came to the funeral. I've spoken to a few of them since, but not many.
My grandmother passed away about 18 months ago. The remaining 9 children have been in a war over who gets her house ever since. Her will stated it would be divided among surviving children. The same vacuum-thieving uncle has moved into her house, cut down trees to block the driveway, and has posted all types of no trespassing signs. He guards the door with a shotgun. Police have been unable to get him to leave voluntarily. Until the will is officially upheld in court, no one can force him to leave .. the house is technically 1/9 his and he's legally allowed to live there until he property sells.
I'd say death brings out the crazy in some people .. but I think that some people are just crazy to begin with.
Luckily DH & BM were never
Luckily DH & BM were never married. when DH passes, if it is before BM, he has requested that I dont' let her at the funeral. & I won't. She would just go for atteniton. "Woe is me, the father of my child has passed. I am so distraught". Ignoring the fact she has a baby with his exbest friend & she has made his life a LIVING HELL.
My DH requested that I ban BM
My DH requested that I ban BM from his funeral too.