Hello,
Happily married to a wonderful man. He has older teenagers & I have no children of my own. I hope someone with kids of their own here can shed a little light for me on my question or issue. His kids have been a real pain for him & he has tried his best to do the right thing as a dad. I'm sorry if this turns into a long post but will try to keep it short.

We met & he was doing more than his share for his kids & ex. I respect him for stepping up to the plate as a dad the best he could! I encouraged him to have his kids step it up to be more responsible, learn how to cook, & clean up after themselves. Great turnout & took a load off of my DH.

He has a low self esteem as a family man & has always wanted to have a family. His low self esteem came from his ex years ago. Well in our time together, he gained back self worth, learned a lot about his kids, & that he needs to take care of himself too. Almost like having permission to be happy even though his kids have problems. All around, he is now a happier man.

So these last few months have taken a turn & I don't know if its for the best or worse. I ask him if we are going to visit the kids when the weekends come closer. He replies with "yes, I got to call them & see if they will be around". That's cool cause it is over an hour drive one way. He would call later in the evening & make plans. Well when we showed up, the oldest would be gone. We left him behind before & other times have collected him from his friends. About fifteen miles away. His son would say he forgot. It hurt his dad but he tries to deal with it. I think my DH disengaged from his son after many times of that happening.

Now what should of been our last visit, the BM made plans for them with their Grand parents knowing my husband was going to pick up the kids. There is no custody problem but they put my DH on the back burner from time to time. When I ask my DH about the weekends now, he doesn't want to go. During a heart to heart talk we had about this, I asked about his feelings. He thought his son would have had a car & license by now & would help out a little with the travel part of things. SS is now 17, is failing in school although he is smart & has poor hygiene. DH is upset with both of his teenage kids & feels alone when trying to get somewhere with either of them.

I know my DH wants to see them but doesn't want to go through all the headache that comes with doing so. The last couple of weekends, he has made plans before I hit him up for the visit. What should I make of this? Want to understand to be able to be supportive, what to expect, & what exactly is he going through as a birth parent? Do I not ask for the time being for going up to visit? I miss the kids but they pain him in ways I may never understand. He too says "he regrets having them". I can't imagine that he went from trying so hard to hardly trying. Grant they are much older now. Please don't mistake him for being a dead beat dad, he has bent over backwards for them & they do not care or even try.