Just take yourself out of those situations. Tell BM it's ALL up to her...and DH too. Someone on here told me once I need to put myself first...that's what I think we are ALL trying to do. I lost my WHOLE sense of self...and after 5 years I am just now starting to gain everything back I lost...don't let it happen to you too!

Well, I guess it would be helpful to have a little more info.
If it's things like Valentine's for the kids' classes and you did them, but BM wanted to do them... according to what you wrote, who caares? If you don't and she does, then don't do them. It just adds to the problems. If you are doing what she perceives as "mom things" with her kids that she wants to do, then she probably thinks it's you who needs to back off and get a life.

Now, of course there could be other issues here, but all I know is what you've written.

There's nothing wrong with you--your bm sounds just like ours. She is so damn afraid that the kids will prefer someone else over her, she has them feeling too guilty to even tell me hello or goodbye in front of her. It's not YOUR fault she's an insecure idiot. Cut yourself some slack, do your best to just get out of the situations that cause you stress. Maybe schedule yourself some other commitment for evenings or weekends when the skids are at your house. If your dh gets upset, let him know that you don't want to step on BM's bitchy toes and have to deal with the drama from it. Maybe he'll get the picture and stand up to her.
Also, if he has a problem with you not being in the mood, tell him that if you're not a priority for him OUT of the bed, you're certainly not in the mood to make him a priority IN the bed.

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Your emotions are normal its the situation that is messed up. You should back away from the picture as much as you can & give yourself a break that you need & deserve. As far as having no sexual attraction towards your husband right now just goes to show how much you need a break from the whole situation. It's built up anxiety, resentment, anger, & stress that leads into depression. Ive been there & had to step back, I was even afraid that I was going to wake up one day & leave that whole life behind me if I could not get a break from the mess.

DH was & is supportive of how I was feeling & allowed me to disengage. Now things have been looking up & I learned that it is okay to be but so involved. Let the messed up BM have all the control when she wants to do for her kid. For example, after the BM celebrates a holiday, then throw your party the way you would as if it was on the holiday. The cool part by doing that too, is everything goes on clearance. If Valentines cards for classmates end up not being made, its the parents that need to deal with it. You can be stretched only but so thin before you are going to tear.

I feel the same way as you, BM is just doing that to annoy you.
Dont let her get to you, remember, HE MARRIED YOU! For a reason.

Don't work at making anybody happy but you! I have found that this is the first relationship I have been in where I've had to make myself first, because nobody else will do it. So I understand what you're feeling. I told my bf I don't want to discuss bm anymore. It got to where that was all we talked about. If he gets a text, he has to deal with it. There is no bigger turn off (well, there probably is...) than a man acting like a vagina when it comes to his ex wife! I have told my bf that, too. How he responds to bm determines how lucky he's going to get LOL. Avoid as much bm/skid drama as possible. If you don't have your own kids to occupy your time/energy, start a hobby or something that will keep you occupied.

Valentine's Day was pretty stressful for me this year too. We have had SD5 V-day week and I thought it was my responsibility to make sure she had cards for her class and treats to take to school. I kept asking DH what the school did for the occasion (SD had aske me to bake some things) and what the food restrictions were (no peanuts, bananas, etc.). He kept sayin BM had the info and he'd get it from her. Anyway, on switch over day SD came with packages her mom had done up for the whole class and SD5 said to me, "SM, you wanted to do this with me didn't you?" I don't know what was said to her but I never brought up V-Day around her. I stopped asking for school info and assumed everything had been taken care of. On V-day SD said, "Did you bake my cakes?" I looked at DH and asked if I was suppose to. He didn't know. I asked if she needed money for anything (school often has parties on special days and the kids need to bring in a few dollars) - he said BM didn't tell him anything, just said she was taking care of V-day. We gave SD money just in case (which she needed) and that day I called the school to get us added to the email list. They had DH's name but the email address BM gave them was correct and I was told they couldn't add me because I wasn't a parent!!
Being a step just sucks sometimes. And I've put the press back on 'the parents' and let them both know that I expect to be fully informed. Now that DH gets the emails he forwards them to me and we're able to ask the right questions to BM to known what SD needs and who's responsible.

it should be not same for everyone on valentine's day. last year i have found my soul mate. just to do a pretty little thing. that is just a greeting card. i was visited a wholesale greeting card selling site, and purchased cheap card for my BF. that is why he is impressed to me. now we are living a happy life.