Allowance/money with a blended family
How do you handle allowance with your kids/stepkids.
My DH and I have SS13, SS11, BS11, and SD9. Only BS11 lives with us full time and visits his dad ever-other-weekend. We have his kids ever other week from Thursday till Sunday and almost every afternoon till DH goes to work. They live close.
Each child has chores and we give them $5 a week allowance; BUT they are not allowed to carry this money to their mom's house. BM has borrowed the kid's money before and she forgets to pay it back. We just found out that SD took all of her money to BM's house last week.
BS has a place in our bedroom that he keeps his money and he has to ask permission to spend it. So far BS and SD is the only one that has saved any money for vacation spending.
This weekend I told the three stepkids that their money would be kept in our bedroom and that they would have to start asking whenever they wanted to spend any.
Also SS13 will wessel money from his siblings and never give it back. These kids have no boundaries at BM and she never gives them any money.
It was my idea to start giving them an allowance in hopes of teaching them some responsibility.
Just curious how others handle this type of situations.
Life lesson...you took it to
Life lesson...you took it to BM. Now you don't have it for vacation.
We give our kids $1 for each year and the rule is they can spend 1/2 and save 1/2. They havent asked to take it to either ex's house yet, not sure how we will handle that.
We have issues with laziness,
We have issues with laziness, so we pay per chore. Each job is worth X amount of $$. When SD was little she was not allowed to take money to BM's because she would "put it away" for her, never to be seen again. Both kids can spend their money on whatever they like.
Instead of cash why not give
Instead of cash why not give the kids an allowance in credit. Keep a log of each one's allowance and when you go on vacation, shopping, etc. take log and each kid can spend his credit with you paying what they have earned in allowance. No cash changes hands and you are in charge of how they spend. We did this when bios were young and we did not want them to carry around cash. (After DS about 4 at the time lost a $20 bill in Target.)
This is an excellent idea but
This is an excellent idea but not sure it would help teach them any responsibility.
My sons ages 10 and 12 don't
My sons ages 10 and 12 don't get allowances per say. They help around the house and for bigger projects the first 30 minutes are free and then they get to earn money for how much they work there after. My youngest would carry the money every where and eventually lose it. Both of them would want to buy something but always forgot their money. So I downloaded this free checking program for my phone and instead of cash they get credit. If they get money for their birthday they turn it over to me to be credited. It's worked great. No money lost. I'm not borrowing them money waiting for them to pay me when we get home. Plus I get to oversee what they want to purchase and guide them before they waste it buying a toy they will play with once.
It doesn't make sense that
It doesn't make sense that the kids have to do work to earn the money, and then YOU keep the money and tell them how to spend it. :?
I work, I get paid, and if my employer tried to tell me that they would "keep" it for me and I'd have to ask to spend it...well, the motivation to continue working goes away.
Allowances are designed to teach kids how to work to earn something, and how to manage their finances. IMO, it doesn't do any good to do it your way.
As far as BM taking their money, that sucks, and I'd imagine they'd stop bringing it pretty quick.
If you re-read my post, I did
If you re-read my post, I did not say we tell them how to spend their money. The reason we are putting it in our room and making them tell us when they want to spend it is so it does not go to BM and get "lost."
However, we do councel them on whether they are making a wise purchase or not and then let them decide what to do.
Our school does that, too,
Our school does that, too, but I believe that teaching kids financial management is up to the parents.
We use an online account for
We use an online account for the whole family: FamZoo.com
It automatically enters allowance each week and kids can have their own log in to see how much money they have earned. When they buy something, parent or child will enter it into their register. You don't have to worry about children losing their money or taking it to bm's.
My kids have to meet certain requirements each week in order to earn allowance. They can also do other jobs to earn more money. My bf's kids don't have allowance or any desire to do ANY chore, including cleaning out their own guinea pig's cage. There is something to be said for an allowance, IMO...
Thanks for this info. I will
Thanks for this info. I will check this out.
I don't know if you should
I don't know if you should tell them when or where they should spend their money, after all they won't learn how to be responsible unless they manage the allowance on their own. You could advise them on how to spend it, there are plenty money managing tips on AbsoluteWealth.com, but in the end they are the ones who should take the final decision. If you don't agree with the way they spend their allowance just stop giving it to them altogether.
We don't do allowances
We don't do allowances either. First off, it never ended up being "fair" because three kids lived with us full time and two didn't. They only came EOW & sporadically in the summer. Once they were all under the same roof full time, we established chores they would swap. We consider those contributions to the family, so don't pay them. We pay for cell phones and give them spending money when they need it and it's reasonable.
However, I do offer incentives for extra stuff outside the normal chores...like doing a huge cleaning of a younger siblings room, washing windows, etc.. I pay for the chore & then they are responsible for their own money once it's earned. Just like holiday money they receive. If you blow it instead of saving it for something you really want, then too bad.
My BS cuts the grass (1.5
My BS cuts the grass (1.5 acres) and for that i give him 20 a week. He has regular chores that are just his duties. Occasionally he ll ask me if there are other larger things he can do to earn a little cash. My SD15 asks me for jobs also. Ive told her 100 times, ask ur dad. On the very rare occasion i acquiesced and gave her a job, it was just too much. She wants to sweep the kitchen, badly, for 8 million dollars. Lazy and lazy. Man, she never tires of trying to circumvent him and come to me. I tell ya who tires of it tho - me!