Custody letter to BM ??
DH and I are thinking of taking BM back to court for joint and equal custody. I have thought of writing her a letter outlining that we want joint and equal custody and seeing if she would cooperate to avoid going back to court.
I don't think she would agree but it might be worth a try.
Our main thing is she leaves the kids alone after school and we are really worried about this summer. There are SS12, SS10, SD8 and we do not feel SS12 almost 13 is mature enough to take on this responsibility. He bullies the other kids when we have them and threatens them if they tell on him. We also have caught him on porno sights and it worries me for them to be left alone so much. Also the kids only change their socks and underwear once a week or so.....I have been trying to explain to them they need to change everyday.
We live about 2 miles from them and DH works nights so he is home till 6pm everyday. She could keep them at night and he could keep them during the day.
I am sure she want agree as she wants the child support.
SO SHOULD WE WRITE HER A LETTER OR NOT????
I guess it might be worth a
I guess it might be worth a try since the only way you could possible hope to get the custody you want is if she agrees. Usually to change a custody order, you need to show that the kids are in danger, that she is abusing them, or that there is a significant change in circumstances. Just because you don't agree with her parenting style is not cause for a custody change. There is no set age statutorily for a child to be left alone. HRS defines it as "maturity fo the child" but they do not specify an age. At least there is still something that is left to the discretion of the parents.
DH and BM cannot talk without
DH and BM cannot talk without it getting ugly that is why I thought to write the letter.
She is all about the money so I doubt she is going to agree.
I am worried about the kids
I am worried about the kids and we will offer to keep them this summer while she works.
It is in the divorce that she cannot leave the kids home alone without CPR certified childcare. She has ignored this all this school year as they stay home from 3-6 every single day. When we offer to watch them she makes up some lie saying so and so is getting them.....if they are out of school she will tell us she is taking them to work with her....sometimes she does but most of the time she don't. We are very concerned about them being home from 7am-6pm this summer.
We get them 4 weeks out of the summer ... nonconsecutive weeks.
I want lie and say the money is not part of it as I don't see her buying them things they need or paying for them to go on field trip or signing them up for ball. She promised she was signing 2 of them up for baseball and the kids thought she had...but when it came time to start practicing she said she waited too late to do it...WTH...we reminded her several times and we would have helped with the cost.
It is sad when my SD8 comes in dressed like she just came from an orphanage....ragdy hair, dirty cloths, and don't even get me started on what her underwear and socks look like.
I buy these kids clothes and they wear them home and we never see them again.....when we get them they never have on matching socks....because according to sd8 she cannot find any socks that match at BM's house.
I guess being a SM is getting too me right now. I truly want what is best for them but who am I to say what that is.
Before the custody agreement DH provided everything for the kids and he kept them all day and she kept them at night. He went to all the school activities night or day. He got screwed when he went to court about custody...he was told if he did not give her custody that the judge would probably not let him see his kids....WTH....he got scarred and signed the papers.
How long ago was the divorce?
How long ago was the divorce? I ask because situations change as the children age. Just because it says that they have to be watched by a professional at a "tender age" doesn't mean that that will apply in the future. Think of it this way, when the kid is 16, do you think that verbage will still apply?
The divorce was signed last
The divorce was signed last June and she has never followed the agreement when it came to leaving the kids home alone.
Of course I realize at 16 this would not be the case. I don't think we are being unreasonable not wanting the kids home alone especially when we are here to watch them.
So if he's watching the kids
So if he's watching the kids during the day and works at nights-when does he sleep?
Are you working during the day? Isn't that almost the equivalent of them being unattended?
I do not work so at my house
I do not work so at my house they are always supervised. We are not trying to take her custody away we just want equal custody. She lives within 2 miles of us it is not like the kids would be in another country.
It took both of them to have these kids and it should take both of them to raise them. The kids miss their dad when they don't see him for two weeks.
We are not trying to screw her out of anything. We also would be amenable to give her some child support even with the equal and joint custody.
But I get the message not to send her a letter so we will not try that. If we decide to go back to court we will just surprise her.
We were not trying to threaten her. We do not mind going before the judge. We have nothing to hide. We have followed the custody papers.
I am a BM and a SM but luckly me and my xhusband get along and agree on most everything.