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Confession: I have a favorite!

GodHelpME's picture

Submitted by GodHelpME on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 2:01pm

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I feel so weird writing this, but I can’t talk to ANYONE about this without feeling like a total weirdo. I am a SM and BM. My SD is 11, almost 12 and my BS is 9. I care for my SD, but I don’t love her like I love my BS. IS that HORRIBLE? }:) Will I ever not have a favorite? :? HELP!

buckeye mommy's picture

Submitted by buckeye mommy on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 2:08pm

Honestly, I know that when I do have bios that I will love them more and favor them over my skids. Its probably a little different as there will be a huge age gap, but I think its natural to like you own kids over someone elses

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 2:12pm

I love my bio way more than the steps. I don't know of anyone that has the same love for steps and BIOS.

PCD's picture

Submitted by PCD on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 2:13pm

I think it's 100% normal and expected to love your biological child more or differently than a step child. Your biological child grew inside of you (if you are a mom), is a part of you and you are connected like you can ONLY be connected to a part of yourself. Step kids are the product of your spouse, whom you love, but also some random person whom you more than likely care little or nothing about. You want to love your step kids just as much as if they were your own because they are a part of your spouse, but it's not always the case. You can't feel guilty for it.

GizmoBarnOwl's picture

Submitted by GizmoBarnOwl on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 4:05pm

Yup ^^^^^^^^^^

I love my BD! Shes my world Smile

I tolerate the SKIDS, they came with the man I love ....

mama_althea's picture

Submitted by mama_althea on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 2:29pm

Pffffft. I thought you were going to say you had a favorite out of your bios or your skids.

Not only do I love my bio-kids more and completely in a different way, but I'll confess freely that I have a favorite of the 2 skids (hands down) and my favorite bio-kid changes from moment to moment.

georgegoingcrazy's picture

Submitted by georgegoingcrazy on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 2:36pm

I have favored one skid over the other (and vice versa) throughout the years BUT my BS is favorite over ALL...possibly even over DH!

My BS:
1. Got good grades his entire schooling
2. Did not get anyone preggo
3. Did not get brought home by cops or sent to juvie
4. LISTENED to what I told him to do
5. Was NOT on a covert spy mission to report back things about my household to someone else
and finally
6. Did NOT have a bat-poop crazy MOTHER!!

(To be fair, my skids only failed at 1, 2, and 5. Although SD did run away once from BM.)

Nothemom's picture

Submitted by Nothemom on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 3:05pm

Have you ever wondered if your significant other has a fav? I have. I know that he favors one of the kids over the other from his previous relationship. Now that we have one together I have often wondered if he favors our together because he gets so much more time together or if the original fav is still the ultimate fav.

GodHelpME's picture

Submitted by GodHelpME on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 4:18pm

I think my dh does have a fav. I think it's my son because he never actually had a relationship with his daughters mom. Just sex. Also, he didn't even know he was the father until she was 2. It's tough. I try not to treat them too different now that she lives with us. I also don't want my son to feel like I forgot about him since she is here.

frustratedstepdad's picture

Submitted by frustratedstepdad on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 5:02pm

It's perfectly natural. Even in nature when a male lion takes over the pride, first thing he does is get rid of the other male lion's offspring so he can make some of his own.

planningMyEscape's picture

Submitted by planningMyEscape on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 8:48pm

I don't love my steps at all. They are rude, obnoxious brats, who don't respect me and treat my bios like crap. I tolerate them somewhat, but I don't love them. I do like one slightly more than the other one.

Magnolia1300's picture

Submitted by Magnolia1300 on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 10:55pm

I have no bios.

These three SD's are the only kids I've ever had. They didn't start visiting their BM until about 4 years of me and the DH raising them ourselves.

That said, you'd think that I'd have some kinda "special relationship" with them. Nope. As soon as they turned "teenager"--they mutated into "step-children"

I love them, but the middle one, I don't like all that much. The youngest is still ok most of the time. The oldest is fine as she doesn't live at home anymore.