Im afraid my step daughter may hurt my biological daughter
Okay I going to start from the beginning and I'm going to try to make a long story short. My daughter's father and I were together for ten years before we decided to separate. He was my high school sweetheart and we just grew apart. Our daughter was only two when we decided this but we both wanted different things and it was just for the best. We have a great friendship and he is very big part of our daughter's life. We never even went to court.
Two years later I met a man to whom with I love and adore. He treats my daughter well and treats me well. When I first met his daughter she was an angel. She is over every other weekend and she spends every holiday with us. I try to do something with her and my daughter every weekend whether its getting our hair done, or lunch, or going to a movie, or chuck e cheese. Every holiday I let both girls help me prepare dinner. I painted her room and decorated it for her. I really try. However, his daughter is eleven and my daughter is seven which is why I felt that his daughter needed her own room. I thought she would like her own privacy when she stays with us.
In late November I caught her taking forty dollars from my purse. I tried to explain to her that if there was something she needed or wanted she could just tell me or her father and we would do our best to see that she gets it. I spoke to my husband about the issue and he shrugged it off "kids will be kids" Then late in December my husband lost his job so I started working two jobs. He is around the girls more because I work and he is not at the moment. It was snowing one saturday morning and my husband was taking me to work because I was afraid to drive in the snow. That morning his daughter said to me why cant you just take the bus I dont want to get dressed for the ride. I was a little annoyed because here I am working sixty hours a week. He heard her and didnt say anything.
Then one night I had my sister over for dinner when his daughter and my daughter were playing. I told the girls it was ten o'clock to please unwind and get ready for bed. I had allowed them to stay up until eleven because it was the weekend and my daughter was excited she was over. When I came in the room to tuck my daughter in I noticed there was nail polish on her table. I asked her why that was there and she said my husbands daughter brought it in the room. I turned around to notice that his elevn year old daughter wrote in nail polish her name across my daughter closet door. I told her father to handle it and reprimand her for her actions. He again shrugged it off.
Another night I was sitting in my daughters room using her computer bc mine wasent working for some reason and I over heard his daughter tell my daughter she couldnt share her markers with her. Not to be rude but me and my daughter have shared everything with her. I thought it was unfair and told my husband to speak to his daughter about sharing. And she has been acting out lately maybe something is bothering her.
Now last weekend I have finally had it. My daughter and her school mate were having a slumber party and his daughter was over as usual. Things were fine until my daughter came out of her room at one oclock in the morning to ask to sleep with me. she never does this so I took my daughter in the bathroom so we could have privacy and asked her if everything was okay. And she explained she had a nightmare and was scared because if she didnt share her toys his daughter told my daughter and her friend she would kill them while they were sleeping. So my daughter was afraid to go to sleep.
I dont know what to do. I dont feel I should have to be on top of my daughter in my own house. I am very uncomfortable now when his daughter is over. My husband just thinks his daughter wants typical attention. I dont know what it is and I dont know what to do ?????
If he is ignoring your
If he is ignoring your concerns, why are you still there? You are the one with the job(s). He is acting aloof about your concerns. He is obviously not going to change. The answer seems clear. You need to get his attention. How you do that is on you. But you need to get his attention. This girl is only going to get worse. Eventually, she may decide to do something really bad. And if he thinks that she's just looking for attention, maybe he should give it to her, on her backside.
Oh wow.... Okay, I usually
Oh wow.... Okay, I usually stay so far away from ultimatums that they might as well be on the other side of an ocean, but there is No Way I would have my kid in a house with another kid that was threatening to kill her, was 3/4 years older and where Dad is a clueless, ineffective, unobservant, guilty crazy man. "Typical attention"??!! Is he NUTS?
This kid sounds like she has gotten away with way too much for way too long. For me, I'd be telling DH either he gets that kid in therapy stat, steps up the discipline or I'm moving out. Your daughter should not have to be afraid for her safety in her own house.
I hate that BS answer "kids will be kids". Well, yeah, sure and they're going to be "kids" until they die unless someone steps up and Parents them so that they grow up into decent productive ADULTS. She's 11, not 2! Stealing is Not ok, she's Way old enough to know better. Graffiti is not ok - it is destruction of personal property and once again, she's way old enough to know better. The Insane disrespect , you guessed it, Not Okay. I'd be asking DH why he's ok with you supporting him and his kid while you and your daughter are being treated like you don't matter. I'd be asking him if he's be so casual about it if it was his daughter that was afraid, your daughter stealing from his wallet and his daughter's closet being defaced...
He needs to help create a safe environment for your child or he and his child need to leave. I'm all for marriage first, but not when it comes to a child's safety and the "partner" is acting like it's no big deal.
I am not going to send my
I am not going to send my daughter anywhere on the weekends and im trying to hold it together. I try to put myself in everybody's shoes. I feel for him because he does not live with his daughter rand probably feels guilty and dosent want the weekend spent yelling or reprimanding her. However, I honestly think she is crying out for attention because her mother works the system and hasent had a job since she was fifteen years old if she ever had a job. As a child the look of the life I have created for my daughter must bother her. Her room is beautiful. She has everything a child could want. Because I worked my ass off to give it to her. I am not the perfect parent and I have plenty of flaws but I want to him and his kids mother that their daughter needs therapy. She needs to get a job because a child should not have to think steeling is an option because my mommy cant afford to buy something for me. If that dosent work I m gonna have to move on because the four days a month she is here I dread it. I have to hid my purse and electronic games of my daughter's that I dont want to go missing. I dont feel its fair that those nights I sleep in my daughters bed to make sure she is safe.