This is more than I bargained for...
My first blog post!
Assumed SM (not yet married) to 13 year old SD.
I've known her since she was little as me and BF were great friends for a while.
Things were different back then. I thought of her as a great kid and we got along. Now...not so much. Could be because she's a teen now and has an ego the size of a football field and has the attitude that the world revolves around her, could be that I'm just a bitchy youngest child and the only girl in my family. Time will tell I guess.
Things that piss me off:
-She's lazy and doesn't clean up after herself
-She sleeps till noon, then will go for a nap in the afternoon until dinner, then will go to "bed" at 9.
-In the past, has gone into our bedroom without permission and goes through my drawers and steals things. This hasn't happened in about a year, but she still can't be trusted
and I'm always on edge about it
-She goes through the hall closet and snoops and takes whatever she wants. She will open every bottle of body wash, cream, perfume etc. Uses a quarter of a bottle of my $20 body wash for one shower. Uses my razor because she "forgot mine and didn't think you would mind". Uses my toothbrush because "using dads is gross". Uses my expensive nail polish and then picks it off 5 minutes after it dries. I don't deprive the kid. I buy her all her own body wash, buddle bath, cream, nail polish and everything she needs. Its not good enough, she still uses mine even though I've repeatedly asked her not to. I have to stand outside the bathroom door until she gets into the shower to make sure she doesn't go into the closet and take stuff. I'm probably just a bitch and don't like sharing my stuff though. That's what I get for not having sisters.
-She always "forgets" to bring necessary clothes when she comes for the weekend. So ofcourse she needs to borrow my socks or pants or a Tshirt. (Again, I have no sisters)
-Her BM lets her wear thongs which are always hanging out of her pants. WHY DOES A 13 Y/O NEED A THONG???
There is soooo much more. BM is crazy, SD doesn't listen and doesn't do what she's told, fakes sick to get out of school...it goes on and on and on.
The worst part? I'm such a wuss. I barely ever say anything except when she's taking my things. And I always say it when BF is not around. I'm afraid he will think i'm being petty. "Why can't she use your nail polish?" he will say..."That's pretty selfish". I know its selfish. I know I am selfish. I don't care. DON'T TOUCH MY SHIT!
Wait....is it selfish? Am I selfish? Or is it normal to not want people to invade your privacy and personal space?
Thanks for not having girls besides me mom! Now I have no idea how to deal with SD13.....ugh
- morethanibargainedfor's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
OMG I just read this again
OMG I just read this again and I sound like a spoiled little child who doesn't want to share.
I am not like that at all. These are just a few of the things that piss me off and it's not necessarily the fact that she uses my things, its a boundary thing with me. I wouldn't go into her room and go through her things and use her makeup or anything without asking. I've always told her she can use things if she NEEDS to, as long as she asks first. The fact is, she doesn't ask. She takes. Like a 5 year old would take and then play dumb about it.
I feel I came off the wrong way up here
and am most certainly going to be judged for it....please be nice...lol
I think you're normal. If I
I think you're normal. If I had a roommate who did any of the stuff you're talking about, I'd move so fast you could call me Flash! That it's your boyfriend's kid and he's standing there defending that behaviour... he'd be toast. Not out of meanness, but I'd find the whole thing so unpleasant I can't imagine I'd want to stay for long.
You don't HAVE to share. And stealing isn't sharing anyway.
Do you plan to try to change things?
He doesn't necessarily defend
He doesn't necessarily defend it. I haven't discussed things that in depth with him, for fear that he will think I'm being unreasonable. He's a guy. Guys don't understand that girls don't want to share razors, body wash, towels, loofas etc.
I do plan to change things...well....HOPE to change things. We are supposed to have a conversation this weekend about her, which was his idea, because he can tell I am increasingly frustrated and in a bad mood when she is around.
A huge weight has been lifted knowing that how I'm feeling is normal. I don't have sisters and have never had a roommate so I just naturally assumed that it was normal for girls to share things and was thinking I'm nuts because I don't like people touching my stuff....I'm learning so many things!
You don't sound spoiled or
You don't sound spoiled or childish at all! I grew up with sisters and I've had many roommates. This kid is the one who is out of line by all standards.
Maybe I am the only one, but
Maybe I am the only one, but I think it is disgusting that she used your toothbrush. Ew! But aside from that, I was wondering, have you thought about getting her own stuff like razors, a loofah, and body wash for your house? That way, she doesn't have to remember to bring things. And by you, I mean talking to her dad and getting him to get her the stuff. And no, I don't think you are childish either. I wouldn't want to share my razors or toothbrush with my BD or BS so I can imagine it is annoying to have Skid using your stuff. Besides, some things are not meant to be shared.
No you're not selfish at all.
No you're not selfish at all. Why should anyone think it's okay to rummage through your things and help themselves to anything they like without asking? That's called stealing and it doesn't matter whether it's your toiletries, cosmetics or anything else, it's still not acceptable and at 13 years old she's more than old enough to know that. As well as stealing, she is invading your personal space and that is disrespectful, and if you had a room mate you wouldn't expect them to do it, so why should you be expected to let a 13 year old brat do it? If I were you, I'd be hiding my things away and/or locking them up and I wouldn't feel a bit of guilt about it. You're not depriving the kid as you make sure she has adequate supplies of her own items, and if she doesn't like those then she needs to find a way of earning some money to buy her own crap instead of stealing yours. If bf doesn't like it then hard luck - if he can't or won't enforce some rules then you have to tell him you have no choice as you're not going to continue having your personal space invaded and your things stolen.
In our house it's food I have to hide and ration, as the 3 ss's are the greediest kids ever and will eat a weeks worth of stuff in three days. Money's tight enough as it is and I don't feel one iota of guilt - they have plenty to eat and don't need to waste food with their constant mindless guzzling. I never buy them decent toiletries either, as they are the same as your sd, using far too much and wasting it so there's no way I'm wasting money on anything other than the cheapest stuff I can get.
I think to a certain extent some of her behaviour is typical teen - laziness, strange sleeping habits, attitude etc. I have a ss17 who started being like that when he was her age, and my own daughter was a bit like that too. However that doesn't excuse bad behaviour and outright disrespect which she's showing you at the moment. Your bf needs to be a bit more respectful and supportive too. How would he like it if you had a teenage son who rifled through his personal stuff and helped himself without asking? I bet he'd soon have something to say about that. Locking your stuff away may be the only way of protecting it from sd's grubby little hands in future.
You are not being selfish but
You are not being selfish but your BF is being a little clueless.
As far as I know, siblings or not no matter what your age, people do not like others to come and "help themselves"!
Feelings not unlike a sister,
Feelings not unlike a sister, co-worker - linear relationships?
It's not about being spoiled.
It's not about being spoiled. As adults, we should be able to enjoy the nicer things in life that we have bought with our own $$. My parents never bought us pricey body washes as an kid and we turned out fine. The sense of entitlement in this generation makes me SMH.
My SD is 10 and my DH was the one who thought it would be wonderful if SD used my more expensive products when we first moved in together. DH would constantly mention how SD's hair is be much shinier if she keeps using my shampoo. If I would use a certain scented body wash, SD should also according to DH.
I was peeved at first and put up with it but now, I speak my mind. SD is not allowed to use my products. The kid can barely wash herself properly with regular body wash without dropping half the bottle down the drain. No way she gets her hands on my stuff.
DH is insane because he actively wants to create these habits in SD. Are we going to buy her expensive purses as well just because SM can afford them?
I don't know what's worse. Your SD helping herself or my DH encouraging my SD?
She's pissing in your
She's pissing in your corners. She's claiming ownership of your territory.
Bitch up my dear, don't ask, tell her to stay out of your space/leave your stuff alone.
Give bf fair warning that you do not want her using/borrowing stuff. Quit having future imaginary conversations with him. He may actually be supportive, you won't know until you give him a chance. If he does not support you or fails to see the importance of keeping HIS kid out of your stuff then educate him or leave.
If she forgets clothes, she borrows his. Thus making it a learning experience for both. Including underwear.
I would have yelled the house
I would have yelled the house down if SD went through and used my things. DH wouldn't have been fool enough to ask why she couldn't. Not open for discussion.
I can't stand my own DD using
I can't stand my own DD using my stuff without asking. You are completely justified in expecting to be asked.
Wow! So much love and support
Wow! So much love and support from everyone! Thank you! This has totally given me the confidence to man up and go to BF and tell him my concerns.
Someone mentioned something about maybe I feel different because I'm not her parent. I don't think that's the case. When I was a kid I would never ever go through my moms stuff. I used whatever was on the side of the tub and when if was old enough I would buy my own stuff if I didn't like what was there. I was also raised that your parents bedroom was off limits, end of story.
Now on the other hand, I do have nieces that stay over sometimes and I have no problem with them using my things. But it's because I can trust them and they always ask first or tell me what they need. I can ask the older one (9) to go and get something out of the closet for me and I know she will go get it and bring it back. SD would take her sweet ass time and rummage through the whole closet top to bottom before bringing me what I asked for.
I don't think she necessarily does it to make me mad, I thinks it's a sense of entitlement. She thinks she can just do whatever she wants because she knows I'm a wuss and won't make a big fuss to her dad.
Well all that is about to change!! She has never had us sit her down and explain the rules of our house and now that I am confident that I'm right in expecting her to respect my privacy and my possessions, I am going to INSIST that her dad backs me and we sit her down for a reading of the "new" house rules.
I'm not gonna sit quietly anymore. It's not fair.
Someone else suggested I lock my things up so she can't get them. It's a great idea but isn't it a little sad and pathetic that I have to go to that extreme? Should she not just have the respect to just leave my stuff alone!
One of my friends told me to go into her room and take her stuff out of her bag and sprawl her makeup around and leave a mess like she does in the closet and then respond to her with "oh I didn't think you would mind". Maybe that would stop the behaviors pretty quick and maybe she would know what it's like to have your privacy invaded. But then I would be on the level of a 13 year old. And that's not classy lol
First off she is trying to
First off she is trying to push your buttons. Step kids don't think like normal kids. You will have to lock things up for a while. You are not her peer.
Yeah, what everyone else
Yeah, what everyone else said.
Especially the part where you're acting like she's another adult in the house. She's not. You have to think of it like chickens finding the pecking order. If you were her bio-mom, and this were an 'intact' family, then all the chickens know their place. But you're her dad's partner, so she's trying to peck around and get into your place. So you have to act decisively and firmly to peck her down into her kid-spot.
And your BF needs to 1. get a clue instead of sticking his head in the sand and 2. make sure his kid doesn't get out of the kid-spot.
It could be that your BF is a poor leader. So if you want this family to work, you have to step up and take the lead. (OMG, dancing movie references!!)