Back Child Support Question
I don't know much about child support and have posted a few times and I am still a bit confused. Facts below:
There are no child support orders on file. DH has full custodial custody of SD. We had SD for 7 years without receiving any support (BM abandoned her). We had to pay for therapy due to the attachment disorder SD has from BM abandoning her. We are letting SD stay with BM for an unknown length of time (hopefully forever!). We all live in Indiana.
If BM files for child support, could we file for back child support for the 7 years in which we had no support? Would the courts order us pay the full amount even though we took 100% financial responsibility the last 7 years? If we can't get back support, can I sue her because I had to have SD on my insurance and I had to pay for therapy out of pocket and through my insurance? I am not a "sue happy" person, I will just be ticked if I have to help pay her child support after I had to raise her screwed up kid for 7 years. DH doesn't have a job right now due to military cuts despite trying to find one (we are in a hard-hit economic area), so if he is ordered to pay child support, it will really be ME paying it. That is what ticks me off, I don't want to take money from MY kids to give to BM that threw all of her parental responsibilities onto me for 7 years...totally unfair!
BM is asking us for money to pay her bills (she has had SD 8 days). We have paid for everything SD needed, BM has only paid for her food for about 6 of the 8 days she has had her (we have had her part of that time and her grandparents had her part of that time). I don't mind paying for everything SD needs, but if she files for support after we had her for 7 years, I will be seriously ticked off! I know she CAN and likely WILL...I just wonder if the courts will take into consideration that we didn't see a penny from her for 7 years.
PS: BM is asking us to grant her temporary custody...any thoughts on this? On one hand it would be nice not to be liable if SD doesn't go to school (BM is already letting her skip class) but then we couldn't remove SD from BM's home if we needed/wanted to.
We lost several thousand
We lost several thousand dollars in court in NY because they go by the date paperwork is filed. When we got temporary custody of dh kids we had them for months while dh was still paying child support. When we filed for Child Support the judge rejected dh request to be repaid the support he paid while having physical custody of the children. The judge refused and stated if dh had owed arrears he would have used that money to pay those off but wouldn't order a monied judgement in our favor. She was required to return the child support paid starting on the date dh filed the child support petition. Get something in writing with a judges signature before you get screwed.
The information I got is that
The information I got is that often (not 100% of the time) back-CS only goes to when it was filed. But I think if you put the case in front of a judge, it might rule in your favor.
The reasoning is that someone can't just get pregnant, run, and the years later come find the father (who didn't know he had a kid) and demand back child support that may number in the thousands.
Every state is different, ask the attorney.
I am in Texas so I am going
I am in Texas so I am going to respond to what I know about Texas law.
Since there is no CO...BM owes you NOTHING in the eyes of the law. Everything you did was a gift. You can sue anyone for anything, BUT you will get nothing and you will also have to sue your DH. You are SOL for anything you have done for the last 7 years for the child.
If she files for CS, they will set your DH's income at minimum wage...OR, set it for what he could make if working.
I hate to poop on your parade, but your DH needs to go get a job and let BM take the CS issue to court. He will be ordered to pay, but at least you won't have the skid in your house. KWIM?
You can not file for child
You can not file for child support for the 7 years you had her. Back child support refers to support that is owed, but not paid.....but you can't retroactively go back and ask for child support for a time that already happened. They will backdate the order to the day you file for it, but no earlier.
While its super shitty of her to ask you for money 8 days in, after not supporting her child for 7 years, there's nothing you can do about it......other than take SD back.
Dh got temporary custody of SS when he was 2, when cps pulled him from his mom. Her case went on for 18 months before she lost custody perminently. Dh had to continue paying her child support those whole 18 months even though he had SS full time. He wasn't allowed to file for cs until the case was settledx and he couldn't get any of that money back, or retroactively have cs from the date he got SS. They only went back to the date he filed the paperwork.
I knew my problems wouldn't
I knew my problems wouldn't end when SD went elsewhere...and I KNEW she could ask for child support. BUT I didn't fully think things through enough to realize it would be ME paying the child support (stupid I know)! If DH can get a job so it is HIS money, I won't give a d**n. But I don't want to give BM a DIME of MY MONEY! I already raised her kid for 7 years and paid ungodly amounts of money for her...BM owes ME in my book!
I guess even paying out of my pocket is better than having SD back at our house...but I can't help but feel like my kids are getting cheated and BM is going to Disney.
The other option is to give
The other option is to give her some money here and there just to keep her quiet. How.much is she asking for? Less than a child support order for minimum wage (roughly 200 a month i think)?
If you gave her money orders (for documentation purposes) how.much do you think shed want to keep her from officially filing?
I don't know. That is what
I don't know. That is what DH wants to do...but right now it would be MY MONEY. I don't owe her anything so I would absolutely hate to hand her money out of my paycheck for a kid that isn't mine. She had to pay rent and utilities before SD went to live with her. And she is living with a friend, it isn't like she has tons of bills. I will pay for SD's fees and anything she needs, even groceries...but I don't want to hand her any actual money. I didn't owe her the last 7 years of my life, I certainly don't owe her money now. Sure I think DH should help her some...but not ME!
DO NOT give her custody. I
DO NOT give her custody. I agree that you will NOT get a penny from the 7yr he supported her, they will probably say that he would have had to ANYWAY lol And yes, idiot BM can file for CS and get it. Good luck!
PS - I can almost assure you that if the tables were turned, she would not have to pay support though
OK, here is another question.
OK, here is another question. DH used to pay child support, so long ago BM had filed. That was terminated after we got custody. So to re-do that order, does BM just have to go to the courthouse and file, or does she need a lawyer?
Is she at all reasonable to
Is she at all reasonable to talk to? Can you ask her exactly what bills SD has caused her to have in 8 days? And mention how she has her clothes and stuff already, and that you already paid all her school and therepy fees, and with Dh laid off you just don't have anything extra. You've already paid more than cs would have asked you to pay.
Is she reasonable enough to see that? Or will it fall on deaf ears?
I have NO idea. DH has been
I have NO idea. DH has been the one talking to her. I don't think I get the full story and it is beginning to tick me off.
Not sure. I think she would
Not sure. I think she would need a lawyer since she doesn't technically have legal custody, you guys do. She may have actual physical custody of her, but what to stop you from saying it was just for a long visitation? She needs to legally have the custody changed before she can file. I THINK.
Call a family lawyer for a
Call a family lawyer for a free consultation. Each state has slightly different rules, and you don't want to make a costly mistake based on incorrect information.
I can only tell you our
I can only tell you our experience. DH and BM divorced when SD was 2 and no CS was ordered because they had 50/50 custody and approximately equal salaries. However, for some bizarre reason, DH agreed to cover SD on his insurance AND pay for her daycare. So he might as well have been paying CS in my opinion, that probably would have been less. He also paid for SD to be in private school from kindergarten through fourth grade.
When SD was 11, BM decided to move an hour away. They went to mediation and BM gave primary custody of SD to DH. It ended up being about 65-70 our time and 30-35 BM's time. DH did not ask for CS, as he knew BM wouldn't pay and I think he was afraid to rock the boat as they had no formal agreement in place, only an informal one.
When SD turned 15, BM filed for primary custody and CS. Guess what? Dh could not ask for or receive back CS from BM because he didn't file for it at the time he took primary custody of SD (when she was 11), which according to the judge inferred he was OK with the situation. Believe me, it stunk. We had paid ALL of SD's living expenses for four years with zero help from BM.
So no, I doubt you will receive CS but I can bet you money BM WILL get CS. It's a messed up world out there.
Way to go, DH...he just
Way to go, DH...he just signed over temporary custody to her with an agreement that we will not pay child support and had it notarized. Not sure if that would stand up in court...or if she says she now has custody if she could still go file for support even though she signed she wouldn't...or if they can even just change it all by themselves like that. It was just something DH typed up and BM signed. I am livid as hell because I was not involved in this decision...I was not told he was meeting with the ex (and he cheated on me before so that is info that I HAVE to know or he is breaking our relationship rules). He talked to me on the phone twice, emailed me and came to my work...never felt the need to tell me where he was going next. So I am P***ED. It could have been lucky for us or stupid...not sure because he didn't feel a lawyer's advice was necessary.
oh man, I'd be totally mad
oh man, I'd be totally mad too. I HATE it when BM tries to get DH to agree to do anything without my input. I keep reminding him that whether its an extra purchase for the skids, picking them up earlier, having them another weekend, or whatever, it effects MY life too and I will not have another woman making decisions for me. Don't let him pull any BS about how its his kid with BM either - you were good enough to take care of the kid for 7 years.
If I were you I'd tell him that any CS that comes his way is HIS only. He better get out there and sell oranges by the freeway exit if thats what it takes because you aren't helping clean up any mess he made here.
I told him if she filed for
I told him if she filed for child support before he has a job he is sh*t outta luck...I won't pay a dime even if it means they haul him off to jail. What a dumba**! I am not as ticked about that as I am about him meeting with her (another woman) when the only reason we are still married is because he promised that he would never do anything with another woman without my permission. He asked permission to email a different woman back yesterday when she asked how he was...but apparently meeting an ex AND TAKING MY KIDS WITH HIM just didn't seem like a big deal to him. I am SO FREAKING ANGRY RIGHT NOW. And he thinks he did nothing wrong...ugh! I reminded him that I am his WIFE and we are supposed to discuss big decisions TOGETHER as a TEAM. He doesn't get it. Apparently I can raise his kid for 7 years but when we BOTH decide she needs to leave, she is no longer any of business.
You did the right thing for
You did the right thing for the child for 7 years. DH has put a wrench in the gears IMHO but let him deal with it since he excluded you.
By the way, let it be known
By the way, let it be known that CS can normally NOT be set if there is a pending CUSTODY hearing...so file for custody, etc. and take your time
I would never give her
I would never give her temporary anything. Once she has temp custody she will be entitled to child support. It's probably why she requested it in the first place. I would petition the court for sole custody of the child and allow the mother visitation. There is a good chance she'll just take off again. My opinion, your husband wouldnt be entitled to pay back child support considering he has been sole supporter from day one. But with the legal system you never know. I suggest hiring an attorney and get it done and over as soon as possible.