I feel like "our" kid is just plastic
I don't know how to explain the feeling. I really don't. When I got pregnant with "our" child, dh was not excited. All he talked about was his exes pregnancy. I heard that she loved cheesesticks while pregnant, how much his kid moved in exes belly, how they came up with her name, etc. Everything was about the other kid. My pregnancy was nothing! After our baby was born, dh didn't seem that interested in him. I don't know if he was glorifying his other kids birth or what, but that's all I heard about too! He would say that the day his daughter was born was "the best day in his entire life" He would talk about how he felt that day, he said he felt like angels had came down and kissed him and gave him his other kid. He talked about how much he loved her, how he adored her, he would tell me the song he would sing to his other kid. He would play the song. The more he talked about this shit, the more I resented the kid and him.
Our kid got ignored. Nothing our son ever did could compare to his other kid. Nothing! It angered me. I would talk to him about it and he would brush it off, I was always the crazy one.
I got to the point where I wanted to hear NOTHING of her, not even her name. When he mentions it, I pretend I don't hear it. I have completely disengaged from the entire situation.
All this has caused me to have built up so much anger inside of me. I get IRATE when he plays the song that he once sang to his other kid. As soon as he turns it on, I boil inside. I think of all the times I had to rock our son to sleep alone without his help. And how he could sit there and think that was normal. How tired I was, how he would tell me this shit, and how I still had to keep going anyway.
I am so angry!!!
I'm so sorry. That's really
I'm so sorry. That's really terrible. I was worried about that happening with DH and our baby as well. Because he was so thrilled with everything SD he wanted more children, and by the time I got pregnant, he didn't really want any anymore.
When I was pregnant, DH made it very clear that this baby is all for me, and that I will have to take care of him myself. This has mostly been true. He has only fed our son (other than an occasional bottle) once. He has never once gotten up in the middle of the night if the baby cries. I just take this to mean that I will raise my baby however I see fit and he has no say.
DH claims he never loved BM, but he was thrilled with SD, so after she was born, his life centered around SD. DH expressed concern before our baby was born because he loved our life without any children and didn't want it to change.
Thank goodness SD is 20 and DH doesn't remember every little thing about when she was little and can mostly act as if our son is his only child.
Good luck...I don't know how you handle it.
How terrible. I am so
How terrible. I am so sorry!!!
Wow! I'm sooo
Wow! I'm sooo sorry...
Yeah...My pregnancy started that way...The first time I heard DH talk about SD's birth or whatever, we were at the OBGYNs...
He just started rambling off all this crazy 'ish about what he knows because of his daughter's birth...whatever...
When the OB stepped out of the room I set up on my elbows as she was examining me and said, "Look MF'er...This is MY first child...I do not and WONT hear about anybody else's experience...If you want to talk about your first experience, you've had 4 damn years to get it out of your MFing system...So since it's apparent that you haven't...I'mma need you to shut your effing pie hole...I swear to GAWD!"
He got pissed at me understandably, but after he stopped steaming, I had a talk with him...I told him...sure...I married a guy with a child...I told him that having children was a very BIG and special occasion to be shared by BOTH parents TOGETHER...I told him don't rob me of that experience, and don't start this off by making me feel like my experience doesn't matter because you've gone through it...You don't get a damn cookie by being "Mr. Know It ALL" if that's your focus, so help me help you (at the end of the day) and focus on THIS experience...I promise you it will be VASTLY different than what you've experienced...Night and day...First off...WE'RE MARRIED! Second off...DS was planned...not a "oops cause I didn't strap up"...I didn't have to call you to say, "Umm...I'm pregnant...what are we going to do...will you be around"..."Again...We planned DS...When I told you I was pregnant, you were feet away from me...! There are SOOO many things different about this experience, and for all intents and purposes you will have more firsts than you ever had the last go around...TRUST ME...
There were a few cuss words thrown in here and there...
At the end of the day, he got it...It took a couple of times of me just blasting him with..."I don't give a chit about that!" and he got it...For my DH you have to knock him over the head to get it through to him...
When it was all said and done, it was about DS and our experience with him...and DH DID have a very different experience...and I was right...He had more FIRSTS with DS than he did with SD...I made sure of that...
Did DH have any sadness because he couldn't talk about his first experience? Maybe...But guess what? Oh the hell well...Somebody was going to have to deal with something uncomfortable and negative...either HIM not being able to talk about SD's birth, OR me enduring hearing him talk about it all the time...I'll be taking the more beneficial feelings this go round...thank you very much...He'll be alright in the end...and he has...