How do I tell my husband I can't stand his kids?
First off, I would like to say I am so excited to find this site!
I thought I was really the only one that didn't like my skids. I have been around since they were 1 and 6, now they are 4 and 9. They don't listen to me, they tell me all the time that their mother tells them I'm trash, that they don't have to listen to me. One time, when my family was at my house for my brother's birthday party, the youngest was throwing cake at my dog! When I saw him, I told him to stop doing it; as I turned my back, he continued. My mother then said "Quinton, didn't Taina just tell you not to do that?" .... His repsonse? "She's not my mom."
I love my husband more than anything, but I can't handle his kids. I work over time when they are there, just so I don't have to be home. When we first got together, they were not like this .... They started to get this way about a year before we married, but it was hard to see, because we don't see them that much, as their meth-addict mother refuses to give them to us unless we pay her gas money for bringing then, on top of child support.
Now, I am pregnant with my first child, and I am so scared that they are going to either be mean to it, or that my child will grow up to be rude, hateful, little monsters like they are.
Is there a tactful way to talk to my husband about this? I am so afraid he is going to end up leaving me when he finds out how I really feel about his kids.
Also, my husband REFUSES to
Also, my husband REFUSES to clean up after his kids. I have to clean their room when they leave, I'm the one stuck doing all the dishes they have when they are there, and I'm the one that has to cook EVERY meal for them, even when I work all day. It is just so tiring and frustrating. I seriously want to cry :sick:
You need to talk to him,
You need to talk to him, sooner rather than later. You talk about him leaving you, but what happens when you are so fed up that you end up leaving. Do it when they aren't there. Let him know you need to talk to him about some things and how you are feeling overwhelmed and why. Try and not do it as a "You do this and you don't do that." Broach it with talking about some of the things you do wrong, like not talking to him about it, or just doing it rather than asking him to.
My boyfriend told me something once when I asked him why he never helps with the cleanup in the kitchen and other little things. He said flat out "I'm a guy. If you want something done, ask me to do it and tell me when you want it done. I'll more than likely do it." It is so stupid, drives me nuts, but unfortunately it does seem with some guys you have to do the whole "Hey, honey, could you please take out the garbage at the next commercial?" or "Can you please turn off the TV and help me with this laundry now?"
If you don't ask him or tell him that you need his help, how is he going to know? And when it comes to his kids, the two of you need to come up with a game plan for how to handle the kids. Since they are his, he needs to set the rules and define them with the kids, with you there, and making it very clear that he expects them to follow the rules with you as they do with him. It isn't about you being their mom, but being an adult responsible for them and that the rules are there for a reason.
What does your husband do
What does your husband do when his kids treat you like that?
I find that 99% of the time when kids are treating a stepparent like this, the problem lies 99% with the stepparent's partner.
Well, this is what I've
Well, this is what I've learned... My husband has 4 kids. I never wanted any kids because I just don't care for them and I wanted a career more than dirty diapers. Anyway... you can't just come out and say "I don't like your kids." Trust me... this is not a good approach... whether it's true or not.
I can only say this... have a logical, non-emotional conversation with him. When we as stepmom's get too emotionally upset about the guy's kids, it just puts him in defense mode about them and he'll never see logically what is going on. This used to happen to me all the time with his young daughter. I would get so upset about her, her attitude, something she was doing and I would let him and her know it... well, he was so upset about my reaction to her that he would defend her with that wonderful line, "She's just a little girl!!!!!" Little girl or not, it doesn't give her the right to act like an ungrateful, demanding, brat!
I learned that I had to use a different approach... a calmer approach... a more logical approach. Talk to him about it when they say they don't have to listen to you because you're not their mom and use the logic... "So, does that mean that they don't have to listen to their teachers at school because she's not their mom either?" If he's got any brains at all, he will see your logic and you two can agree on and coach the kids on the fact that they need to respect and listen to the authority figures in their life, regardless if they are a mom, dad, stepparent, teacher, etc. Good luck!
This is a typical situation
This is a typical situation in which people disengage. If you talk to him and tell him truthfully what is going on and he doesn't change, then it will be your last option.
By the way, your problem is that your DH isn't controlling his children. HE is your problem.
I wouldn't really plan on
I wouldn't really plan on coming out and telling him you don't like the kids. Because he is their biological father, he is going to love them no matter what... even if they are little monsters. And because of that fact he will never understand how you are feeling because he isn't in your shoes. Trust me, I have the same feelings regarding my step kids. I wouldn't shed a tear if they never came to visit again. But every time I have even hinted at the fact that I don't like them my husband has only became defensive and distant. The best thing you can do is talk to him about making sure his children are respectful to you, and remind him it's his responsibility to put them in their place when they aren't. And that they need to be responsible for cleaning up after themselves, it isn't your job. Resolving those issues will be far more effective than telling him how you truly feel about them, which will more than likely cause resentment. Trust me I am not saying you are wrong for feeling that way, I do too. But he probably will never be able to understand why you feel that way.
Us evil stepmothers gotta stick together 
As far as when the baby comes, I would set some ground rules with the children before they even come near the baby. Rules as far as whether or not they are allowed to hold it and when, etc etc. You can always just tell your husband that you are feeling very over protective since it's your first child and don't want the baby "accidentally" getting hurt.
Best of luck to you