Stress w/Marriage and StepDaughter

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My wife and I have been married 12 yrs. Before that,we lived together for about three before getting married. I am Having EXTREME difficulty now dealing with what I think is the younger daughter, (now age 26), having pretty much made me out to be a bad guy.I have tried to accept both of my wife's daughters,both adults. Daughter 2, was the the one I got along with the best, but in the last year or two, feel as though, even as I thought our relationship was good, maybe it never was. She never has shared feelings. The history is her Father died around 1995, only several months before her Mom and I starting dating. Even though he was a major drug addict, she has him "Up on the pedestal", and I am the loser. I know that I haven't been able to put myself in her shoes, and early on made major mistakes, among those trying to think that I could fill his role, much of what I did was to fill the role of a father figure. She made have resented me from the beginning. She is nearly impossible to talk to, if she has anything to complain or mention, it always goes to my wife. So, that's the stressful part, she can't even talk to me directly. So I'm left with all of this history,I'm now 50 yrs, and feel like I didn't get a shot at a family, and now Really feel that all of this is Unraveling!!

I am heading to counseling, because I'm having a hard time coping with all of it. I have gotten clean and sober,(since 1998), and I don't want this to head me back into addiction. I know that I was very Naive in my thoughts early on, but now I can't make this right, BUT I don't want to lose my marriage because of all of this. Can someone please share any thoughts in Helping me try to understand, Come up with plans to help fix it as best we can, AND keep my marriage intact. I can't imagine trying to start all over again on my Own, and trying to find someone new at my age, and At my stage of Life. Life is way too short, and I can't imagine living as stressed, SAD, BROKEN, as I feel now, and I know None of this is Healthy for me. I hope that someone can give me direction, or their outside opinion on what is a complex Situation that involves four people put together by circumstance, and one that is in need of Immediate repair.

Thank you in advance for any help/advice one can give.
God help me
JDSRM2

I had a quick look at your

I had a quick look at your biog, and it doesn't look like you have any bio kids of your own. I think if you did, this situation might be a fraction easier to deal with. I think part of your problem is that you care too much what your SDs think of you.
I am assuming that neither of them live with you, being in their mid 20s. This being the case, try to disengage a little and not take it to heart so much that you do not have the cohesive family you seem to wish for.
Don't get sad because your SD talks to your wife and not to you - it could be a lot worse, believe me! If you read a few of the posts on this site, you will see a lot of people are in your position, or much worse.
I too had an addiction problem and depression that I spent a number of years tackling, and live in fear that a SKID situation will trigger it again. Counselling and your support network for this - whatever it is, should help you deal with this.
As long as your marriage is reasonably healthy, you have a good chance at being able to deal with things that your adult SKIDS throw at you.

Kes, Im thinking "SKID" is a

Kes,
Im thinking "SKID" is a step child? yes I realize that it's not as bad as it could be, but I added my last post, and that is adding to my distress and heartache. I will need help to get through this, My wife knows about my drinking problem, and I don't want to worry her to no end, but will let her know that I'll need assist to keep me from Going back to the sauce.... I don't have fear that it is knocking on my door at all, but the guilt and stress of this is enough for me to want to Crawl into a hole sometimes.
Thank you for your comments and suggestions and Encouragement!

I second this^^^. Your wife

I second this^^^. Your wife needs to realize her kids and adults. You are her husband. If they have a real problem with you (as in you insulted them or were rude), then they have the ability AS ADULTS to talk to you about it. Your wife can be present, but they are not five year old kids anymore. They're adults, and if they have a REAL PROBLEM they should talk to you. Other than that, your wife should learn how to shut them down. I can tell you I would never listen to anyone talk crap about my husband. I might council them in how to approach him on a specific topic, but I am not going to listen to complaints and nonsense if that individual has no intention of trying to fix the situation.

I have communicated with

I have communicated with Daughter 1, the older one, and she is the one who brought all of this up with my wife. I have to add that I sent what i thought was a joking text msg to Daughter 2, and now having to deal with the fall out of all that. I need to be honest, iT WAS INNAPropriate. Having said that, Daughter 1's email to me today, is one that brings up the fact that she had saw the text, talked to my wife. Her email sounds angry, the gist is that I made my mistakes early in the relationship, I didn't help her younger sister enought in that part of her life, and is angry at me and that what will be will be. I'm about to respond, mostly stating that I can't get the msg back, and that becoming a step-parent was as complex and hard as anything I experienced in Life. Her email is both sobering and sad. I just wanted to explain that I wanted to deal with it, now I'm wondering if anything had changed at all with either Daughter. Daughter 1 seems like, the mistakes I've made in the past, can't be overcome, or dealt with. I'm confused. I realize at this moment that I've made a mistake, but I don't know now how to deal with it. I'm about to respond to Daughter 1, but should I wait a few days, till I calm down??

"Before you diagnose yourself

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by a$$holes."
-William Gibson

RIGHT!!! And coming from a

RIGHT!!! And coming from a women . The wife should never side with her kids if they are wrong . and she need to let her grown kids live their own life and she live hers. Her kid will be gone and married and she is gonna find herself lonely because she let her kids come between you and her. I have 2 BIO twin girls and if they get out of line with their SD I will put them back in place. And allow DH to have his say so in the matter cause wrong is wrong.
I hope these girls are out on their won , if so more reason for them to stay out of your business

JDSRM - I think that sending

JDSRM - I think that sending an inappropriate joke text is not the worst crime in the world, and your SD is probably using it as an excuse to keep her anger with you alive. You come across in your posts as quite a gentle, non aggressive man, and it is easy to vent anger on such as you. This does not mean your SD's anger is justified, and if I were you I would think it appropriate to get a little bit angry in return instead of blaming yourself all the time. Ex-addicts such as us are very good at the latter - but it is not helping us mostly.

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