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Post for my sister

Omghelpme's picture

Submitted by Omghelpme on Sun, 04/25/2021 - 8:19pm

Hello all.

This post is actually about my sister's situation regarding her stepchild. She is looking for resources for setting boundaries when it comes to toxic adult children, as all the resources she can find are about children setting boundaries with toxic parents. Is it even possible to distance from an adult child or should it ever happen? Can anyone provide their experience or resources?

Comments

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Sun, 04/25/2021 - 8:42pm

Tell her to join Steptalk and go straight to the Adult Stepchildren section of the Forums and start reading.  The next section would be Disengagement, also in Forums.

It will help her, for sure.  She will read about many situations just like hers, some not so bad and others much worse.  She will read the words from people all over the world, in all walks.

Good luck, Sis.

 

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Mon, 04/26/2021 - 1:25am

Can you tell us a little more about the situation, because these are not one-size-fits-all situations. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Mon, 04/26/2021 - 5:14am

Adult steps should be the easiest to distance from because they're adults and don't NEED anything from their SP or BP. Anything at that point should be a WANT and wants can get a big ol' "NO".

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Mon, 04/26/2021 - 8:42am

Boundaries can be set by anyone.  (steplife or not).  And.. generally, it should be easiest to set boundaries with adults that don't live in your home.

But the real issue is what are the boundaries she wants so set?  Will the other people be willing and able to respect these boundaries and will her spouse be willing to BACK HER UP with these boundaries.

So, are her boundaries realistic..reasonable?  Because there are things you can't force other people to do/not do.. all you can do is manage your own reactions.  So... is the boundary that she wants them to send her a birthday card... call her mom? Is it that they call before they come over (by more than 5 minutes).. Is it that they don't step foot in her home?

I mean.. she can want them to stay away from her home.. but her spouse may want his kids to visit.. so that is an issue between her and her partner.

She can want them to post pictures of her on their facebook.. but they don't have to do that.. 

What is the recourse if they won't respect the boundaries?