Figuring out male behavior

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Ok, I've been seeing a LOT of posts where people are breaking up, not sure if they should break up, want to know what certain behaviors mean. I am going to recommend a book I read (they made a movie too) before I got married that was my dating bible:

He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys~~Greg Behrendt

If you have not read it...DO SO IMMEDIATELY! If you are not happy with SO's behavior, maybe this will tell you what it means. Men are fairly simple. We make excuses for them, rationalize, twist things so we don't have to face the truth...some men are a-holes and don't love us. It hurts, but better to figure it out before you get married. This book is written by a man (he had a talk show too) and lays out male behavior. I saw so many things I had done in previous relationships.

Time to open your eyes and see your man for what he really is...not what you want him to be..and stop blaming yourself!

Thanks! Sounds like a great

Thanks! Sounds like a great resource.

I have not read the book you

I have not read the book you recommended but I can say looking back at my life I can say that I had open arms to USERS. I am a person who likes to be busy, very compassionate, creative and I like people to get along. I work with children and find children love me so I thought step parenting would work out well for me, and it could have. I just chose men in my life who were willing to push the responsibility my way (me willing to take it) and then would not support me. For years and years I could not understand why this was happening, I could not understand the conflict and finally after 26 years of marriage (2 marriages) I went to counseling. Oh my word, talk about open my eyes.

I realize now I let this happen as I would let thing pass by to get along, I'd let people have their way so as to not create waves or it was just easier to let go. I also realized the disconnect my second husband has is due to his childhood and never being able to connect with anyone, no one is going to be able to change this in him. My first husband is a classic narcissistic person. So basically all my trying and doing everything I could to keep the ends tied up and try to make the family run as smooth as possible and I was dealing with complete and total dysfunction continually.

Not only did it pound away hard at my self-esteem but I found myself feeling almost backed in a corner feeling the need to fight my way out which is why I started the counseling. I was the one sending out messages with not only my words but my reactions and body language that told the men in my life that I could be USED as their scapegoat, their tool to get them what they wanted.

This may not be on the line you were speaking however, I have another really great book for those this all rings a bell with, "Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life" by Linda Martinez-Lewi.

I am still with my second husband and I am working at changing me and my ways. I no longer cater to his needs and desires. I am seeking what I want from life.

I've already said this a lot

I've already said this a lot on this site and probably will a lot more. The most life changing thing anybody ever said to me was a therapist who said, "We teach people how to treat us". This was after a guy I was dating told me "I don't respect you". Of course this pissed me off, but after I thought about it, I realized he had no reason to respect me. I let him walk all over me. I believe he has borderline personality disorder (his personality is textbook), so I would do anything to keep the peace. I would apologize when HE was being an idiot. I could never imagine myself being bullied like that, but there I was. Then the therapist said that to me, and my life changed. I went to a five session course on co-dependency and I was FREE! I now teach people to respect me...or I don't need them in my life!

I'm glad you're able to make some changes. Keep it up! It's hard but SO worth it...AND you get a bonus...your DH will respect you!!

Good for you! I have done the

Good for you! I have done the same. My counselor told me the reasson we do this is because of how we were raised and how we were taught to interact with people. I was taught to overlook dyfunction and accept it. I was taught to cater to others and strove for people to "like" me and be accepted by those I found appealing. Unfortunately the people I found exciting were also the ones who would treat me bad, because I let them unknowingly. When I started turning this around I no longer had anything to do with alot of people. I had been used and unappreciated on many levels and I walked away from thsoe people in my life. I have learned how to rephase my sentences and yet keep my boundaires in place. If I slip and give in, I feel even more today than I ever did before and that feeling is letting myself down rather than blaming.

I did have a "Tawanda" moment yesterday and got pretty darned upset but I dealt with it and let it go. It does disgust me how inconsiderate and self-centered this new generation is.