23 y/o Stepdaughter w/ADD and Asperger's ... Hopeless and Frustrated
I found this forum Googling "I hate my stepkids," seriously.
I'm so damned TIRED of her. Her mother threw her out of the house a year ago because the fiancee is creeped out by her. SD is basically a mental 10 year old in an obese, lazy, adult body. I'm sorry, I know it sounds mean as hell, but it's the truth. She's 50 pounds overweight, and perhaps the laziest human being I've ever met (a fact which she openly admits, BTW). She does have learning disabilities and is on the autism spectrum, but the fact is, she has NEVER been asked her to do anything she is incapable of doing when she moved in here, and yet she persists in doing less than nothing.
Currently she is unemployed (has been since June of last year), supposed to be collecting a whole $87 a week in unemployment until Nov. and working with the Office of Vocational Rehab for training and job search. Unfortunately, the gov't is moving like it always does, slow as molasses, so "working" with the OVR means basically she goes to their offices once a week for two to four hours and is given simple tasks to perform (i.e., cleaning, typing, filing) and is assessed as to her abilities and if she likes the work. Other than that, she goes to visit her brother and only friend once a week. Since she has a rotten relationship with BM's fiancee she never spends the night at her mom's house, consequently, I feel like I have lost all privacy with my husband (it's not a huge house). I work from home, so I'm here all day with the lump in the room next door.
And this kid comes with baggage beyond the mental stuff. She has over $15,000 in debt in the form of a college loan (she dropped out of college, incapable of handling even one full semester online) and hospital bills (she was uninsured and had a genuine emergency and needed medical care, do you think BM went to the hospital with her, never mind followed up about "how is the bill getting paid?" It ain't like she didn't know what the kid is like! Forms for emergency medical coverage never got filled out and the bill went to collections -- and before anyone asks, BM's house is a full hour drive from ours on an interstate, day to day physical contact is awkward, but her dad would have taken her to the hospital if someone had just bothered to give him the head's up). She moved into our house with a POS car that needed over $1,200 in repairs and a mouth that needed over $3,000 in dental work (rotten teeth, wisdom impacts). WHAT KIND OF A MOTHER LETS HER KID WALK AROUND WITH ROTTEN, IMPACTED TEETH!!!
We took her to the dentist, bought her clothes including socks and underwear including $120 in bras (which she had NONE, NONE!!! and she seriously needed a decent bra!), fixed her car and keep gas in it and got her a new cell phone. Her unemployment pays her auto insurance, hospital bill (which will be paid off in about 25 years) and cell phone bill, and that's it, it's gone. She pays no board, all she's been asked to do was contribute with weekly household chores and cooking (which would be a HUGE help to me, I work full time and have mobility issues) and work on getting training and finding a "REAL" job through OVR instead of b.s. go-nowhere jobs in fast food that will fail because she moves too slow, doesn't make eye contact and has a miserable look on her face all the time. First it was a white board to write down what needed to be done, then it was Post Its or a notebook for reminders, then I broke out her chores in a detailed list and provided her with a time sheet but still nothing. I can't, emotionally, constantly nag her to get up and do something, ANYTHING. I just don't have the nerves for it anymore. It goes too quickly from my asking her to find something to do to getting furious with her because I'm just disgusted. She never brushes her teeth. She only showers once a week (because she's going to see her brother). I'm not wired to nag her, and I'm tired of fighting with my husband because of her, so now I just avoid her.
My husband and I are NOT as young as we'd like to be. We got divorced/married late. We're both over 45 and have NO savings. We won't own this house for over 25 years and the fact is we can't afford the mortgage on if we retire at all. We MUST move in a few years, and due to the real estate crash our house has ZERO equity, and now we have to make provisions for this woman/child's future.
THIS ISN'T MY KID! MY OWN SON HAD PROBLEMS, TOO, BUT I GOT HIM THERAPY, GAVE HIM LIFE SKILLS AND GOT HIS BUTT SUPPORTING HIMSELF, AND NOW HERE I AM STILL PAYING CHILD SUPPORT ON A 23 YEAR OLD!!!
Her mother had more than enough resources to get this kid GOOD help when she was little, and she needed care and therapy long before the divorce! As early as kindergarten her behavior was bizarre. She was obsessed with dinosaurs, to acting and walking like them, she growled and bit other children, stole their stuff or would throw tantrums and curl into the fetal position while sucking her thumb under a desk when the other kids made fun of her (she sucked her thumb well into high school, uggggh). The mother NEVER took her for proper assessments at a major medical facility, just accepted the school's and primary physician's diagnosis of ADD and slapped her on Ritalin and stuck her in an IEP and chalked her social problems up to the ADD. Talk about falling through the cracks. SD didn't get a diagnosis of Asperger's until her father and aunt took her to a major university hospital's psychiatry center and paid cash for an assessment when she was 21 after the kid had lost the fifth job in less than two years. The diagnosis made NO difference to the mother, though, and I'm beginning to understand where some of HER frustration came from (not all of the aggravation with this kid is her learning disabilities or the fact she is not neurotypical) but by the same token, I'm frustrated that I've been saddled with what I feel are my husband's ex's problems. I feel like SHE should have pursued help for her kid back when the kid was little. I confess I let my husband off the hook a little because he was working two jobs, one full time, one part time (at her urging). The mother was around the kid more, he virtually never saw them because they were asleep and he didn't have as much time for school and doctor meetings.
I'm never gonna get this kid out of my house and she's not an asset. Look, don't get me wrong, she's very quiet, keeps to herself (heck, I haven't seen her in 48 hours, she hasn't come out of her room in that time other than to use the bathroom). But she's pissing her life away. She has no dreams, no hopes, no goals. She does the bare minimum of chores, has no interest in being a contributing asset to the household, sleeps or watches t.v. all day, hangs on the computer in chat rooms or playing Second Life all night. She won't cook a meal and only cleans the house half heartedly. Half the time you have to go behind her and do things again. She has no ambition to figure out how to do things herself (she didn't even know how to hand wash a bra when she moved in!)
Taking away privileges doesn't work with her, it just sends her into a deeper depression (if you can believe that) and cuts her off from the only social life she has. Currently she still has no health insurance, so finding therapy isn't an option. I know it'll be me that has to fill out welfare forms for her to get that, then follow up on all that business, like I was the one who got her involved in OVR, found the money to get her teeth fixed or pay for her car. Her father doesn't have the time during the week, he's out of the house by 8:00 a.m. and frequently not home until well after 6:00 p.m. I work from home, my time is my own, he doesn't have the kind of job that lets him sit on the phone all day. I'm tired of doing all the leg work.
She was getting community based free therapy for several years, frankly it didn't make any difference in her, and certainly didn't give her life skills. I had a session with her therapist and the therapist admitted that SD needed therapy with someone who was familiar with autism spectrum but couldn't find anyone appropriate who would take crappy or no insurance.
I'm tired of being responsible for this kid, my husband and I had no idea what we were going to do with facing his rapidly approaching 60s BEFORE she moved in, now I'm totally locked up.
She's a burden that we can't afford and I don't want to have to worry about. I don't even have a hope of her falling in love and moving out. She has no interest in either boys or girls. Like I said in the beginning, 10 year old. She has no interest in her appearance, or relationships. She cares more about animals, toys and collectibles, computer games and the Furry Community than people (loves animals, but can't remember to feed or water my cats). I can't stand all that immature garbage, it makes my skin crawl.
Thanks for letting me rant. And incidentally, I feel like an ultra uber biotch for saying all that. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate the kid, I just wish she would get a life and go away.
As much as I think everyone
As much as I think everyone should try to work-perhaps the best bet here is for her to file for disability, apply for a low income apartment and get the hell out of your house. This would help you tremendously obviously-but would also help her tremendously by forcing her to be independent-with her own care, dishes,etc. Even on disability she can get a part time job or go to college.
I'm with the others...SSI is
I'm with the others...SSI is a great help when they are living with you. Is your SD capable of living on her own? If not, there is assisted living programs that should be available as well. Is your SD functioning at a low enough level to qualify for medicare?
My SIL is 33 & has the mental capacity of a 13 year old (per the doctors...I'd think it was more like 10). She gets SSI monthly & has activities that she does with others who are special needs. Many of them live at home while others live on their own or in an assisted living facility (depending on their level of functioning).
MIL has SIL pay certain bills every month out of her SSI leaving SIL with plenty of money to "play" with (bowling, thrift stores & starbucks). It's a great idea as it helps MIL upkeep the home financially & it also teaches SIL about responsibility with money (doesn't get absorbed, but ah well!).
I understand how hard this must be for you...please look into local programs & possible help...it's very easy to lose your mind over this stuff!
Thanks for the comments and
Thanks for the comments and wading through my rant LOL!
There are two really, really big obstacles to getting her on SSD: 1) There is NO real record of her disability until two years ago; 2) I know it sounds otherwise, but she really is not that severely incapacitated. She graduated high school. She can drive a car. She can work. She has motivation issues, a problem with meeting new people and thinking on her feet or making on the fly decisions, but she's fine once she has established a routine and actually enjoys repetitive tasks. Honestly, even the caseworker with OVR felt it would be a tough sell, and they're making things harder ever since the economy tanked. A lot of her problems are not really autistic or ADD she lacks goals or direction.
I'm in the medical field myself and have several very good friends who are on SSD. It's a long row to hoe even with good documentation. Her brilliant BM threw out ALL of her school records which documented IEPs and in school therapy. I called all of the schools, long story short, once the kid graduates the only thing the school keeps on record is the transcript.
Even if she had SSD she has major problems with being alone and meeting strangers. Even discussing the idea of taking a walk around the block by herself sends her into tears. I'd love to get her into programs that would get her life skills and have enrolled her in programs specifically for autist adults, but last I spoke to them they were working on applications from a full year ago. A lot of funding has been cut to state programs in my region. The OVR has actually been the ONLY office that offered anything.
She came in here and we talked for a little while, she's actually vacuuming now. I told her to fill out an on line welfare application and come to me with a list of all the documentation she needs.
I'd like to see how things work out with OVR. One reason that things have been moving impossibly slow I just found out is her original caseworker left and a new one is just being brought up to speed.
If she'd just heave to, cut bait or row and had a reason to be out of the house a couple of weekends a month I never would have blown a head gasket, but then I wouldn't have found this forum and I've got a LOT of built up resentment LOL! Here I've always thought DH and I were alone getting the shaft with child support and so on ...
Let mom deal with her again.
Let mom deal with her again. Throw her ass out, and when mom sees you're serious about NOT letting her in, she'll take her in. Or she can go to a homeless shelter and find some services to help her get into a place. Be prepared to change the locks if necessary.
I am so sorry to hear your
I am so sorry to hear your anguish & stress. Thank goodness we have ST. Big HUG to ya, lady! I think the hardest part hearing this is the frustration a step-parent goes through being the catalyst to try and help their SKIDS when DH & BM are at a total loss what to do with their child.
I've been doing a lot of reading about AS and the spectrum. The hard part with Autism & Aspberger's is we really don't have all the information about it (relatively new diagnosis in US) and the success in therapies, etc., There are obvious things WE as SMs & SDs can do to help our SKIDS, but then we're also fighting a battle within our own homes to restore peace,sanity & harmony! SSDI/SSI is what it is and yes; we grow tired of keeping up the battle because we love our SO/DHs so we try to be honorable in our marriage. We all have our own crosses to bear on a personal level, but then we must put aside our own priorities to help our families. If anything? I say thank you for being kind & compassionate enough to help your SD. If not for your insight to try & help? I can only imagine the mind of someone who just might not possibly grow up & be a functioning member of society. At least you can say she's trying..? God bless you & I (we@ST)will be here. StepTalk has been a lifesaver for me & I cheer for the victories, cry in the sadness, etc.,? But I am grateful to know that I am not alone in my thoughts. Keep us up to date!
Get her or your DH to go on
Get her or your DH to go on www.wrongplanet.net...it is a wealth of information. Also, get her "Aspergirls"...I have read great reviews and I'm in the process of getting it. Aspeger's does NOT have to be bad...but unfortunately, by looking only at the differences and making others feel bad, things get way out of hand.
Good luck.
Proud ASPIE myself!
My son is an aspie and I
My son is an aspie and I refuse to let him use it as a crutch. He may do things different but he does them! Good advice from everyone
momSterto3abd3, it helps just
momSterto3abd3, it helps just to know we are not alone. We want to try, to help, to make things better. Coming in late in the game makes it so hard and frustrating when a bioparent is basically as useful as boobs on a bull (pardon my French).
Her mother's pure greed infuriates me. She told SD she wants one more month's share for her cell phone, $50, which the kid killed June 12. The kid came into our house with well more than $5,000 in various problems, and we ate those expenses because [caring people think] that stuff needs to be done, rotten teeth must be removed, the car needed to pass inspection and a 23 y/o female who wears a 38D needs a couple of GOOD bras, just to mention a few expenses (the kid did not have ONE single decent bra).
And I have NO idea how many HOURS I've spent on the phone with all sorts of service agencies. I'm about two steps from running off an invoice to the mother accounting the expenses and requesting payment of 50%.
Thanks, herewegoagain! ^^^^^^
I have Asperger's Syndrome (I
I have Asperger's Syndrome (I was diagnosed as an adult though).
I have to say I really feel for both you and SD. It sounds like a very dificult situation for you all to be in. Even though we didn't know about the AS when I was a kid, my parents still saw that I was struggling and got me counseling. Now that AS is much more well-known, I also see a therapist who specializes in AS. This is something DH might want to consider for SD. I know she's an adult now, but it could help her to have someone very experienced with AS to talk with.
I can really relate to what you said about how she likes routines, has trouble meeting new people and making on the fly decisions. Once I get into a comfortable routine doing something, I'm great. I like routines and to know what the plans are beforehand. I also have a tough time meeting new people. It's helped me to meet with a therapist who deals with AS a lot and work out strategies to deal with this.
I also like purpledaisies' suggestion of checking out wrongplanet. That is a great site and maybe SD would consider joining that site. I hope for her sake (and yours) that DH will be proactive in trying to find her help too.
PS - a scenario from
PS - a scenario from yesterday at my home...
I finally got a schedule...
Monday I clean
Tuesday laundry
Wednesday laundray
Thursday I clean
Friday, Saturday, Sunday - whatever happens happens
Yesterday was Monday, DH arrived at 2PM without any notice...I was 1/2 way done...I flipped...I was NOT happy to see him...Instead I thought "why are you here? I have things to finish? Why are you here? Don't you care I have things to finish? I flipped...I was so worn out mentally that I went to bed at 3PM angry and worn out...we ended up fighting.
Late last night once again I explained my issues. He understood. I told him I had to do things on a schedule to feel ok...once I was done, I was super happy to just relax...he also saw that last week and enjoyed how peaceful and happy I was.
Today? I did laundry...when I finished I told him I was done...I was able to finish, take a shower, put some music and relax...he got home early, but after I was done...I am so happy and at peace.
It sounds weird and out of it to some...it is perfectly normal to me. To him it's perfectly normal to have no schedule and do things on the fly...it's not to me. We can reach a compromise. It CAN work...but it works BOTH ways.
good luck
Welcome aboard. Steptalk is
Welcome aboard. Steptalk is a wonderful place to vent! And you'll find some great folks here as well.
Not sure which is stronger, my outrage at her BM for putting her out like a bag of trash because she "creeped her boyfriend out" or the admiration I have for you and DH for stepping up.
I'm sure it's been difficult, but you likely have saved her life. You took her in, showed her compassion, took care of health and basic needs issues and now it's time to move to the final leg of the race - getting her out of your house.
Does she qualify to live in a assisted living facility? If not, perhaps she can qualify for other state residential assistance where she can get the proper counseling/evaluation and training that she needs to be self supporting.
Finally, you've done a tremendous job and are to be commended. Remember, no good deed goes unpunished. You will reap the benefits of helping her. She's come a long way because of your efforts. And it's likely you'll have to step up and locate a facility that is willing and able to help her because no one else is signing up for the task. The benefit is twofold: she can move on and start living her own life. And you can get back to living yours.
Good luck.
I just want to thank everyone
I just want to thank everyone for their insight, support and suggestions, I really mean that. And venting felt oh so good!!! You can only air these issues out to s/o or friends (and I really don't have a lot of friends) for so long before it begins to sound like a whiny, broken record.
I don't even know how to begin to get someone into an assisted living facility. I think she's going to need to get on welfare, first, so she has medical coverage, then we'll need to find a therapist who can address her particular issues and we'll be able to get suggestions and recommendations from the therapist.
I totally agree that she needs to be in a group home situation. I'm not sure if she'll ever be totally functional or comfortable living on her own, but no provisions have been made for her for life post us. There is absolutely no extended family, just my husband and I, her aunt, her mother (and not one of us is under 45) or her brother. We need to get her involved in something that will provide life support long after we are all gone or in nursing homes and I think it's shitty to expect her brother to do it.
Oh the bio-mom ... one of these days I'm going to create a post about her. Put it this way, she liked to call me a slut because I was "the other woman" (17 years ago). The first things she did when the divorce came through:
1. Get a tubal ligation.
2. Get a tattoo.
3. Buy a motorcycle.
Now she's 51 and wants to get another tattoo, on her lower back (a/k/a, tramp stamp). In the process of moving SD out of the house we see bmom's motorcycle, the helmet has a sticker on it that reads "My other toy is a dick." Class. Fiancee was frightening and teasing the cats in the house (that's part of where the problems came to a head, SD stood up to him because of his behavior towards the cats, fiancee punched a wall and damaged his hand instead of hitting SD and things went downhill from there). Anyway, turns out fiancee used to like torturing small animals when he was a child, thinks it's the normal way for boys to act (also thinks it's normal that his brothers knocked all of his front teeth out when he was a child).
WOWWWWWW.... I am going to
WOWWWWWW.... I am going to be honest here. Sounds like this poor girl got a bad deal with her BM and is getting an even worse deal with you. I am sorry but I cannot feel sorry for you. You signed up for this when you married her father. She came with the deal so QUIT whining, put on your big girl panties and man up lady... Sorry but you need to hear this. This girl needs help. Put your energy into helping her help herself. If she has Asperger's she in entitled to SSI. It takes time and effort to get it. She is also entitled to getting housing assistance and possible into a group home. Again...put the effort into getting her some guidance and help. Have her go to GOODWILL. They have programs that can help her get a job. I read your rant and I am trying to figure out did you just want to complain or do you want a solution. You sound smart so get yourself in gear and help this girl where her parents failed....
Mindygirl....WOWWWWWWWW!!!!!!
Mindygirl....WOWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!
You are extremely judgemental. She signed up for this when she married the father? Uhm-nope. She signed up to be supportive, not raise this kid for the bioparents. Help this girl where her parents failed? Sounds like that is what she is TRYING to do. But the parents "failing" isn't a liscense to bow out the minute things get difficult. I bet you are one of those people with the mentality that stepparents need to take a step back, do what they're told, babysit On-demand, but dont you DARE have an opinion on anything. Well honey-SORRY!! Get over yourself.
This lady did not sign up for
This lady did not sign up for this. I am in a similar situation ( adult step-child with A.D.D plus guilt ridden Father).
Mindy, when you have a
Mindy, when you have a situation like this dumped in your lap you can bitch slap me.
I've totaled up everything we've had to put out for these kids since I married her father, $110,000 before SD moved in (1998 to 2009) $7,300 since SD moved in (11 months).
I was MORE than willing to take these kids on full time when we were married. Her mother said "I WANT MY KIDS!" ADAMANTLY. Well if you want to be with your kids, you tattooed, motorcycling hoe, then ACTUALLY SPEND SOME DAMNED TIME WITH THEM and don't give me the "I can't take them to therapy, I have to go to the gym" (so she can keep her shape and hook up with dudes). Hey, I'll take them to therapy but WE CAN'T GET TO YOUR HOUSE IN TIME BEFORE THERAPISTS CLOSE THEIR OFFICES!!!
When you're 46, married to a 57 y/o man, with NO retirement savings (Thanks to being ass raped in CS) and your house has NO equity (thanks to the RE crash) and is possibly worth EXACTLY what it is mortgaged for, go ahead and criticize. See how you feel when your utility bills double and you have a person who you TELL to do things ignore you.
I'm contacting agencies, I've BEEN contacting flipping agencies since September of last year, there's only so much you can do other than physically showing up at the offices with loaded weapons demanding someone freaking DO something.
You want my stepdaughter? You're more than welcome to her. You think you can help her, you want her debt and expenses? You want to spend hours over a week researching what is available and what hoops must be jumped through to get this help, go for it.
She was diagnosed with mild autism two years ago, I've been with her father since 1998. I have no problem with helping her, I have a problem with the fact she won't heave to and freaking DO what I tell her to do, when I tell her to do it.
And in all honesty, getting
And in all honesty, getting her on SSD, even if she IS qualified (and why does EVERYONE think that is some sort of Pass Go and Collect thing? First of all, there's no guarantee it's awarded, you need a heck of a paper trail and finally, it's a lousy $1,000 a month and Medical Assistance, THAT'S IT) what good does that do her? She's still living in that room, with no "human" friends, no interests, no goals, no direction. That Will Be Her Life.
She needs therapy, she needs life skills counseling. One of the most frustrating things about this whole situation is I feel like her jailer. Her life is empty and so very sad. I cannot help her, I'm not wired to take her by the hand and spoon feed her every day of my life. I can't pluck friends or interests out of the air for her.
Living with a developmentally disabled person who is your biological child is hard enough. Having a disabled person who is not related to you dumped in your lap when you're over 45 is a damned bitter pill to swallow, especially when you don't know what you're going to do about your own future.
agged, I can TOTALLY
agged,
I can TOTALLY understand your frustration! I had one of those direction-less couch-dwellers (though it sounds as if yours actually made it from the couch to her room!) living with me for my entire marraige! (10 yrs)
I would like to say that I was able to help him become a better man and that he is now self-sufficient and living on his own. But I can't lie. He ended up driving me to the brink of insanity (I am an Aspie as well and I have "quirks" kind of like OCD). He never cleaned up after himself and was rude, disrespectful, and in the end became physically agressive before his dad stepped in. He was placed into a MH facility and when they got ready to release him last week, they said he claimed he had a place to go and was welcome back into our house.
Uh- NO.
So they kept him and began placing him in Life-Skills coping classes. He is now learning about anger management, controling Pervasive Personality Disorder, budgeting, cleaning, personal hygiene (we had to throw out the couch he slept on because at 23, he still peed the bed!), cooking, and other important things that will help him function.
It took extreme measures for him to get help, and I understand that you want to tear your hair out and wash your hands of the whole deal. But God made some special women in this world, women that are caring and compassionate and have the patience of Job (even though it doesn't feel like it all of the time). These women were given the task of "StepMother", a thankless, endless job that feels more like trials and tribulation than peace and love--- but at some point, something will happen- even if it is a small word or gesture, a passing comment or a monumental declaration, that will make everything you have been through seem like it was worth it.
Please don't give up. It sounds like her mother did that years ago and the last thing any child needs is to know that everyone in their life gives up on them. Do you think she is testing you to see if you cave in and throw the towel in?
Dearest Poppy and all the
Dearest Poppy and all the others who have given WONDERFUL advice and a healthy perspective on this matter (hismineandours, anywho, herewegoagain and if I missed someone, please take no offense!) Bless you all I mean that!!!
Hubby and I had a serious conversation about this and faced the hard facts. His daughter has a disability that impairs her ability to live on her own, that is the truth. If her disability is that severe, then we need to think SSD just for the sake of her having a life time support system. We have resisted considering SSD because she CAN drive, she DOES have a HS diploma, she CAN cook Ramen noodles, we didn't think she would qualify ... but she is also terrified to the point of weeping at the idea of living alone, which leaves her where when her father and I are no longer there for her?!?
I mentioned the idea of group home to her, and she was not horrified (gotta love Aspie honesty, I mean that!!!) We will have a hard battle because there is no paper trail but I can be patient.
So thank you all for helping me face the facts, I really mean that.
I'll tell y'all something, peeps, I just need a direction, I'll build the damn road myself!!!
To any who may have
To any who may have bookmarked this thread:
In no small part thanks to this website (and thread) I totally confess I have accepted a few undeniable facts in the course of the past week or so, and made a few decisions. In the course of those thought processes, the next steps are clear:
1. SD needs to be awarded Soc. Sec. Disability, so I started that process this afternoon. Doubt if it will be much of an award, nor do I care, but it will put her FIRMLY in the system. I am desperately hoping it will make it easier to get her involved in developmentally disabled life skills programs that do not take health insurance.
2. Talked to bio-mom in effort to build file of documenting paperwork ... ended up feeling bad for bio mom ... shed a few tears for bio mom (after the conversation was over) ... tried to get biomom to understand that her daughter isn't like other women, AND IT ISN'T THE MOM'S FAULT but that SD loves her mom and needs to know her mom likes and loves her. Emphasized hugging. Tried to get mom to realize that her daughter is never going to be like other girls but to embrace the person even if you don't like/understand them.
3. Swore to biomom we would let no harm come to her daughter and that we would create a sustainable support system that would be around long after we are all gone.
4. SD is working on public assistance form, I really want her to try but I suspect that will be my project for this weekend.
Work, patience, time, effort. I got a plan, I got goals, now I just need to work toward them.
One of my favorite sayings: You can eat an entire cow if you have to, you just stick to the task and work at it one bite at a time, it'll be gone eventually.
Have you searched for a
Have you searched for a parenting board with her problems- to see if asperger's? I would think that people in that situation would have a world of resource links to help.
While you feel that you are being taken advantage of- you are really doing a good thing. You can make a difference in her life you just need to find the right support system to get her where seh needs to be.
Don't give up on you or your SD.