I'm torn about the dang cars for skids.
When dh and I first got together it was a done deal that bm's aunt would buy the boys their first cars. She even bought ss15 a truck but after a few years the truck has issues.
So anyway I bought my kids their first cars when they turned 16. Ss15 got all huffy about it and said that dh has to buy him a car b/c dd can't have a better car then him. The of course bm had to say something too. When ds got his car bm said that dh and her had to buy the boys their cars too.
Dh was talking to me about it and said that he doesn't want to buy them a car b/c he knows that bm will just use them when ever she feels like and he is not buying a car for her use. I understand. Then he said that nothing he will want to buy is going to be good enough for her and if she wants him to put in half she will go and pick out a very expensive one saying that he has to have that one. I can see this happening, I told him he needs to do what we did with my 2 which is that we bought one that about 1,200 or 1,300 and used it til it was paid for then gave it them. Nothing fancy but a reliable one and safe one.
I know bm will never agree to a car that is that cheap saying that it is not good enough. I really think he needs to just say no all together but I told him that if he should tell her I'm willing to pay this amount only period! IF he has to do anything at all.
My reason is this bm's aunt already said she would buy them their cars and already bought ss15 his truck now she is back peddling however that is not our fault. plus I don't think it is fair to the other 2 and it is not our fault she bought a truck with issues for ss15.
i don't know I just think it unfair to the other 2 that she isn't even going to try to get them one but yes ss15 gets everything he wants. I am just so upset about her and her family playing favorites with him.
I also think that dh should talk to bm about how it makes the others feel and that it is wrong for her aunt to buy for ss15 especially a truck and not even think about the other 2.
So the question is should we buy a car for the boys or at least say we will for half up to a certain amount or not at all? Or should we stick to our guns and tell her that aunt said she would not our fault aunt is back peddling? If we don't we will be getting them a very good 16th bday present just not a car.
Just because a kid turns 16
Just because a kid turns 16 does not mean he needs to have a car - my SS got a car last October and he totaled it last month - a 7 thousand dollar car and it is totaled. So get them something nice for their birthday and do not make it a car.
I also wanted to add DH and I
I also wanted to add DH and I did not contribute one red cent to that car as we felt that since he refused to work he did not deserve it - his BM bought it for him!!
How about the skids get jobs
How about the skids get jobs and get their own cars if they really want them?
It not your fault the aunt didn't follow through and there is no rule that says 16 year olds automatically get a car. I didn't. I drove my mom's with her permission, if I needed to get somewhere. I did this until I saved for a car on my own.
SO is NOT getting SD a car and she turns 16 in Nov. Same thing your DH said. I am not getting SD a car so that her mom can drive it or so that SD can run her mothers errands.
Exactly.... Now did I read
Exactly....
Now did I read this properly....You brought your kids cars...
So dont that mean that BM can buy her kids cars...
No bloody way should the children of divorced parents think that their biological parents should get together and buy anything for them....let alone a car.????
Nah...skids live with the mother...thats wat child supports for....to buy the things you need for your kids.....
so sick of these women/men who get divorced and still think they can get money off their ex spouse for what eva the reason
Isnt that why you get divorced in the first place
I feel the same way you guys
I feel the same way you guys do. I do not want to buy them a car for a lot of reasons. But mainly b/c I know that she will take them and use them for herself. I know this b/c she takes the boys cell phones all the time without asking b/c her mins are gone and she calls dh with them. If she is doing that with phones and her mom pays for them then she will deff. do it with a car.
What I'm concerned with now is that come Nov when ss15 turns 16 she will start to call about the car for him. She has already started to hint about it. I was mainly giving dh the ammo he needs to fight her. First I bought my kids their cars he did not, second he can tell her that he isn't buying them a car for her to drive, third the aunt already bought ss15 a truck and she should buy the other 2 one too as it would not be fair. If that doesn't work he can tell her that he will do what I did with my 2 and buy a used car for about 1,200 or so and drive them til they are paid then give it, this one I'm sure she will not agree too as she wants to pick it out and nothing will be good enough. Or he can tell her I'm willing to pay $500 and nothing more. I'm sure she will say she can't find a good enough car for $1,000 IF she will put in her half. I know she could but it won;t be pretty but oh well it's a free car!!
Now you can sell your used
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I"m so dreading the day when
I"m so dreading the day when the skids turn 16....there are 4 skids & i have a DD (whom i had before i met DH). My DH has already told me he is willing to buy the eldest SS13 a vehicle because his grades are good. I'm totally against it. Not only because we can't even pay our bills on time as it is, but because he has his BM, her new husband, his whole family, & BM's parents to help chip in. DH's parents could chip in too. I don't see why my DH has to pay child support (in a disgustingly high amount of $1,500/month) to support BM's deadbeat ass (it's going to her, NOT the skids -- she just spends it on her stuff) and then have to pay for a nice car for him to drive too. Her new husband makes all this money supposedly, so he can pay a large portion.
I also personally believe, if SS13 is living the majority of his life (minus EOW) at his BM's house, then she should be paying for the insurance, & the vehicle's monthly payments. Doesn't that make sense? If he was living here, then hell yeah, I would feel a LITTLE better about paying for some of it. He can get a job to pay for some of it, I don't see why not. UGH. GRRRR!
My parents have already said they're going to buy my DD a brand new BMW (mostly just to eff with my DH), but in reality, they'll probably just get her a nice, decent, & relatively new vehicle. I just am going to throw up repeatedly when all the children start getting to that age...I mean, what? are we expected to buy ALL 4 OF HIS KIDS A NEW CAR?! That's just ridiculous. They are gonna have to carpool together or something.
I have to reply to you and
I have to reply to you and say yes it was discussed with aunt that she would buy all 3 a car for their 16th. I guess I was not clear enough sorry. Aunt is now back peddling on that. That is not dh's fault though. I agree it is up to them to chose to do buy one or not however I am dh's wife and I have a HUGE say in what happens with our money. We did have our money separate for a long time but now we sorta have it mingled. Which is fine I have not had any problems as dh and I are on the same page mostly.
I know that if we do for one we have to do for the others. I am prepared to do so. Dh does not want to get them a car for reason I have already explained. However if it cones sown to it he will pitch in around $500 and will not budge I know him too well. I know bm too well as she will bitch and moan saying it is not enough and then refuse it.
WE bought our son's car, and
WE bought our son's car, and when DD turns 16 she will also get a car. This is contigent on both making good grades, doing community work, chores around the house...etc.
We did not buy SS's car-at one time we would have helped out with it, but his behavior took care of that before he was even 16, and since SD does not live with us and has shitty grades and even worse morals-no car for her either. Let her mom deal with it, DH pays plenty of child support that would support a car payment if her mom would get a J O B.
I am sure SD won't like it, and I am also sure I don't care.
This is what we recently
This is what we recently worked out: My son got a used truck from my Dad for completing his Eagle Project. Otherwise, he would not have gotten one until I was ready to find a used one for him. He will drive it until he leaves for college. Then I will get something that is more practical for him to drive longer distances. This is all contingent on him keeping his straight A's. If the grades drop to a B (yes you read that right), the car is parked until they are back up. I pay his car insurance. He worked this summer for gas money. If he does errands for me, he gets gas money. Any other gas, he pays for. We just went and linked his savings account to a HS Checking so he has a debit visa for his purchases. He gets no allowance and he is not to get a job during the school year. With his AP classes it won't be feasible. If he needs money for somethings, it is discussed if I think he needs it, otherwise, he pays for it himself. I do not pay for movies or meal out with his friends.
This is working for us. But, this is all contingent on him keeping his grades at A's.
Now the plan for SS13 is that he will get my sons truck if it is still runnning and the same plan for him. I doubt it will be contigent on A's since he doesn't have the drive BS does. But, I am sure with DH it will be contigent on A's and B's.
I think you have to be fair between the kids. But, I do not think it necessarily has to match your kids to his kids. Different money pays for these things. I will make DH pay me Market value for son's truck if it is available when BS goes to college. I pay for my son and he pays for his.
My kids only got a car based
My kids only got a car based on their grades and weather they had their DL as well as behavior. I think my dd getting a full ride deserved one and sons achievement of a certificate being able to work on computers when he graduates deserved one too. They worked hard for what they got and the cars I bought are cheapy ones nothing fancy.
However ss15 grades are so bad he can't play football his first 9 weeks of school. ss14 grades are great at this point as he is the first that I will consider. Ss11 it is too early to tell.
This is a tough one........we
This is a tough one........we are battling this and my BD is only 12! LOL
SD14 lives with us FTime; moved in with us last year - issues with her SD! (Go fig) Anyway........DH is keeping his crap car so he can give it to princess..it has 125000 miles on it and he has dumped more then I care to mention into it just to keep it running for her! (he did say that if she moves back with her mother - she doesn't get it because he knows BM will just take it)
Meanwhile; the other kids BD is already calling him on it - LOL
It is complete B.S. -
So princess gets our hand me down car and I have to purchase one for the other 3?? (which are his too)
Just another reason princess sticks out! Good luck on this one!
In the end - I always say.....do what "YOU" want to do!!
Just got through talking to
Just got through talking to dh about the cars. He said he jsut doesn't want to pay a penny for a car for any of them. Why? B/c first he knows that bm will not let him have a say as she won't let him have a say in their sports. he told her that if she would call and talk to him about their sports and give him all the info he would pay half she refused.
It is the same thing with the cars he knows damn well bm will not let him have a say in what car or how much or let them drive them here or use them here. Plus as I said ss15 has bad enough grades he can't play football. Then I just found out he doesn't have his DL yet and it is got up in red tape. Come his bday in Nov. he more then likely won't get it. First bm let him get his permit at 14 and it is for a year and if he doesn't get it within that year he has to start over. Now the only way he can get a DL before 16 is there has to be hardship and there is no hardship here as bm doesn;t work.
I told dh that he needs to start out with that ss15 doesn't have a DL and his grades are bad.
I am so proud of my dh right now. Not b/c I don;t want to buy them a car but b/c of the circumstances. We would have NO say what so ever about the cars WE PAID for and b/c I think they should EARN that privilege as it is not a right.
I hear ya rally I do. My
I hear ya rally I do. My parents bought my brother and me a car and expected us to share it. We did. it was a very cheap car I think around $300? I never expected a car from them and out of the blue we got it. It was great but I would never expected it.
Now my kids didn't expect me to buy them a car as I had always told them they would have to do that themselves but I was in a position that I could and they both earned it.
The skids have that entitled crap b/c bm does too. She expects everyone else to support her and the boys and so far they have. Her mom, aunt and us support her big fat butt. I know that her aunt bought her car heck her aunt even had a house built for her and she refuses to live there as it is not good enough. Her mom bought and pays for their phones, (I just found that out) anything else she needs they pay for it and the clothes and shoes and anything the boys have comes from CS. This women refuses to work saying we owe her. :sick:
So that is where skids get that entitled crap from.
Its very nice and
Its very nice and knowledgeable for parents.Its our responsibility that we concentrate on our children.Online Copywriter
I say no car for Skid if they
I say no car for Skid if they are not living under same roof i am not going to buy something and have in my name because then you have insurance issues that rise up. if skid lives with you that is different. i also wont buy skid cell phone under my plan either becuase no control over things like that when they live else where. furthermore the BM could use stuff i and DH pay for this will not happen.....some purchases are to come out of the house they live at the majority of the time as far as i am concerned.